How do you feel Safe?

[Magellan]

My brothers,

I continue trudging down this road, imperfectly, of trying to resolve my life long issues of feeling disconnected, isolated, and chastised by my peers because I don't fit in, and can't fit in no matter how hard I try. This experience had made me both very afraid and angry.

This past week, I've come to see that this fear is what drives everything in my life. I asked my therapist why I do the things I do; why am I buying real estate? I hate the process, it's very nerve wracking. He said I was externalizing the fear I was living with; trying to resolve it by doing things like investing in real estate to secure a future. Makes sense. psychology 101.

Will there ever be a time where I'm not afraid? My therapist seems to think so. He said that I need to find an internal resolution to my fear (obviously), and that will come in the form of self acceptance, confidence, and a certain knowing that my qualities are enough to thrive on this planet.

I have no idea how to get there, considering that I do have multiple disabilities (severe hearing loss and vision issues) which preclude me from experiencing what others take for granted. And at 42 I haven't learned how to make friends, in spite of 30 years of effort. I feel totally diminished and incapacitated, because after all my efforts, I'm stuck where I am. Except, that, I just bought a condo, and am moving out of the city that has protected me and has been my home. This step I've taken, I feel like I've taken too fast. It's scaring the shit out of me that within the next couple of weeks, I will be moving out of San Francisco, to the east bay, into a condo development that I just bought into. Scared.

And I did it because I'm externalizing an internal need to feel safe. Which I don't know how to do. But apparently it resides in a miracle; that I have to some how be able to believe in myself and love myself unconditionally. How? I have too many faults, and I can't get my own needs met. I lack the capability of creating and sustaining any type of meaningful relationship. Isn't that kind of the definition of failure?

So, how do you feel safe? Or, how have you learned how to make yourself feel safe?

 

[wild_turky]

Hi brother.

make your new place safe make it secure make it warm fill it with your things your smells (farts included). some where new is just that its some where new.

Let me shear a small story with you.

When I first moved into a shelter I had another kid kick me in the face when I was siting on the stairs in the shelter. I then chased him then beat him. The next day he stabbed me with a knife in my back then a beat him again. The next night he tried to break into my room where I was sleeping I woke to seeing him turning the handle of the door but I put that knife he used on me into the architrave of the door to secure the door to stay closed. lucky hey. I then the very next day made it a priority to find a way to be safe. I made that kid my friend. Then I felt a little safer But I always lock my doors. Safe !

 

[KMCINVA]

Part of being safe is to identify what or whom makes you feel unsafe and minimize these aspects and people from your life. I know this is easier said than done. This will allow you to focus on people, places and things that make you feel safe.

I believe feeling safe is how you feel about your environment. Filling your environment with places people sounds or whatever that brings you a sense of happiness, laughter, calm and peace will create a safe environment. It took me time to let go of places and people that made me feel unsafe. It is not easy to let go of the past.

 

[Jude]

"Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands". -Jeff Cooper (author and commentator)

 

[don64]

Hi Magellan,

What strikes me is that you are leaving a toxic environment, very unsafe, an environment that is NOT your own, an environment that you do not have control over, and MOVING INTO YOUR OWN SPACE!!!!!! It seems to me that your external process most likely is mirroring your internal process. You are making choices that dramatically increase your own input about what happens in your world. Staying where you were--bad. Moving where you are moving--scary and new but good. Just a thought.

From reading your posts for awhile, you have a perspective and level of clarity that seems very sophisticated, and a persistence that speaks very well of your commitment to yourself. It seems to me that you just have very high standards for yourself. I understand that one. I feel the same for myself.

My image is that you are moving into a physical space that you will mold into something personal and unique just for you, just as you are putting in the effort required to do the same for your interior. I'm putting my two cents worth in that your inner world and your outer world are mirroring each other. The new always scares me, too.

Sending you love and support.

Don

 

[Still]

"Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands". -Jeff Cooper (author and commentator)

Jeff Cooper was one awesome war horse Jude. Yer a guy who likes Van Halen AND Jeff Cooper! We must be related.

Things that make me feel safe...a checklist:

- Strategic Weaponry (had it...lost it all...slowly getting back there)

- Cash is king! (had crazy cash before I was ambushed by wife's lawyer - Still none)

- Ample food supplies - (Had it in spades...now, no place or $$ for it)

- Alarm System - (had one...none now)

- Brutal cars - (Usually Ford P71 Interceptors)

- Hyper Vigilance - I read the room, smell it, listen to it. I watch everyone and everything.

- Darn Good Door Locks!

This is all very important to me, as some very sick and violent nightmare-thugs have been escalating home-invasions throughout the area. They have kept victims captive in their own homes for HOURS, while they r*pe the women and children, torture, sexual sadism, injure, etc. Two such events were on my street. They went on for hours and no one even knew.