How do you deal with being triggered

[tbkkfile]

This last year has been about healing, disclosure to my wife and generally trying to rebuild my life and I thought that I'd really made some progress.

We had a family get together yesterday for my step daughters birthday, she has 6 kids all boys. It was a busy evening and one of the boys needed taking to scouts, fuck I was the only one with a car and couldn't get out of it, I've disclosed to my wife and daughter but not my step daughter so my wife came with me for support, well arriving at the scout hut and seeing all of the kids in their uniform all around the same age as I was when it started happening completely flipped me out.

******* TRIGGER WARNING *******

My CSA started at scout camp and continued over the following year and yesterday evening I was back there as an 11 year old boy, I just couldn't stop the flash backs, it was so real I could feel everything again, hear every word, I could even smell the grass and diesel of the truck and ended up reliving pretty much every detail, I could feel myself blacking out as I did back then.

I did something that I've been trying to stop doing for years, I got drunk so I'm sitting here complete with hangover feeling like crap and wondering if it will ever get better

 

[dark empathy]

I'm sorry this happened. I have had triggers myself from my small genophobic flinches up to full flashbacks, and they aren't fun.

I never particularly found an answer myself. Just deep breaths, staying still, and occasionally using something purely ceribral that has no emotional content at all, resource management games, puzzles, reading lists of faccts, anything that is divorced from any sort of feeling but just takes concentration. That was the sort of thing that worked for me in the past, but I suspect this is a very individualistic thing.

I hope things get better soon.

 

[justplainme]

FEAR.

Fear to me is the main problem that stems from having a PTSD flashback.

Akin to FEAR is PAIN. The body remembers just as much as our brains and nervous systems, so assume that if you only seek to heal one thing at a time, psychology before mind it will surely be not as productive as if you seek to heal body,mind and psychology at the same time. Our bodies as i said remember just as much as our brains, so an experience as traumatic like rape is can cause attacks from within your nervous system and your body. Being attacked at both fronts in your kingdom is no fun indeed. Our fight , flight , freeze response is responsible for these crippling sideffects (Nausea,dizzy spells, intense feeling of terror and panic, anxiety, somatization, etc.) What i have discovered works best for me is doing meditation, breath control where you can reach deep states of concentration and even re live those triggers and somehow through the full connection of body and mind, absorb them, re-channel them and re-absorb them into your life, neural, and immediate reality. This takes time and lot's of hard work but the benefits will not only be reflected in your healing process but in all areas of life, you will gain the focus and clarity that allows you to overcome difficult emotional and mental states.

Hope the hangover lets off soon! Mine can be rampant, beer man myself and used to be voracious in order to cope with triggers!

 

[InsideTheWall]

I personally have a kind of zen like approach that works fairly well for me. Trying to repress the way a trigger makes me feel will only amplify it, so its better to just allow myself to feel its affect and let it pass through me.

 

[unhappycamper]

My flashbacks have gradually worn themselves out over the past 20 years, though they can still be distressing when they come back as more normal-style memories. I've never found any technique to prevent them from occurring--not even pills--so I just resort to cognitive tricks like a mantra or a distraction. Peace, eventually!

John

 

[jas4159]

Flash backs were horrible for me and most recovering survivors.

I couldn't stop them so i learned not to fight them, accept them and i ended up using them as a tool for healing. As i had them i started confronting them with a different mentality and use themto heal.

rich

 

[KMCINVA]

I totally understand. I have been able to control my triggers by distancing myself from triggering events and people. With that being said, something unusual happened yesterday. It made me realize there maybe triggers that one cannot escape. I now know the importance of having a coping mechanism in place to divert the mind away from the trigger.

I know one of my triggers is being spat on. I never truly understood why this had such a powerful impact on me. Yesterday I was working and outside the townhouse I heard some commotion. I looked out the window and saw a tow truck moving a car from next door. The car was parked near their driveway. An argument was pursuing and after much screaming the owner gave the tow truck driver some cash. The car was released. The tow truck drives away and the owner of the car gets in and begins chasing the tow truck. I gather from what I heard the car cut off the tow truck and a confrontation ensued. Next thing both the car and tow truck are back and my car is blocked in. I was packing up to leave. So I am stuck.

Both begin to call the police. The tow truck driver had a hidden camera in the cabin of the truck. He recorded the whole incident. It seems the owner of the car spat in the face of tow truck driver. When I heard this my mind began to wander. I pulled myself together, thinking of my to do list. I took it out and started adding items. Next someone who witnessed the incident confirmed the spitting. Most spectators said how disgusting, how sick and so on. The police are now here. I am still blocked in and cannot get out. The police view the video and a long discussion starts. The police inform the owner of the car this is assault and battery and the tow truck driver wants to press charges. Someone comes forward and tries to explain it is a cultural act. If one is disrespected the ultimate act is to spit in their face. I guess the car owner felt disrespected by the tow truck driver. The police asked what does this make the person being spat on feel like. He answered, worthless and devalued as should be. I started to feel triggered. I went in the house. I thought I know many who should have heard this discussion because they believe this act is inconsequential. I realize it was a trigger and could feel the trigger. In the past I could not feel the trigger and thus, it fully erupted. I came out and asked if the truck could be moved. He moved it and I was on my way. I had to get away and do not know if the tow truck driver pressed charges.

I kept writing things down, staying in the present. However, I was still unable to understand why this act would trigger me. I woke up last night somewhat frightened. It was clear to me why. I remember the priest with his crucifix above me, saying Satan was in me and that is why I liked it. It was the first time I could clearly see he would spit on me, as though it was holy water, to rid me of Satan. I remember the crucifix because it was always with him and had been in parts of me. I remember hearing him talk of Satan. Now I realize why the spitting impacted me so much and triggered the memories and sensations of him touching me.

I got up, wrote down my thoughts for about an hour. I began to look for the other phone, found it and made a call to a friend overseas. I was thankful for the time difference. She answered and asked if everything was alright. I said I was good, a little troubled but nothing like in the past when these memories would return. I told her the story, she always said the abuser must have spat on me in order to elicit such a trigger. Now I know. Talking about it helped. Being told Satan was within helped to reinforce my negative perception of myself and to allow others to mock or devalue me.

So I believe having a coping mechanism, writing, listening to music, breathing exercises or whatever works is important to control the triggers. Also having someone to talk to about what happened is important. In the past I would have been a mess after such an incident, nightmare or flashback. But over time I am figuring it out. I now know, I must always be prepared and conscious that a trigger could happen at anytime.

 

[tbkkfile]

Thanks for all of the feedback, it's given me pause for thought.

What I hadn't bargained on was the voracity of the Flashbacks, I'd never experienced anything like that before, yes I'd gone through things with my T but this was like actually being back there, the sights, the smells, the sounds, and I just wasn't prepared for it.

 

[manipulated]

Tbkkfile

I feel your pain as it is my story, place, age, organization all the same. I kept it buried unhealthily for 40+ years but therapy after some horrible uncharacteristic acting out has uncapped the genie of memory, taste, feel, and smell when I trigger to a flashback. (2x this week). My T is helping, my wife is struggling to understand and support but the flashbacks are real when triggered.

I wish you peace. You are not alone but I too am looking for solutions I do not possess.

 

[Marmite]

If it helps, I have had to manage quite a number of triggers. Each one involved a different way of managing it, diminishing it, or eliminating it.
I learned a number of tricks for these in therapy.
Avoidance was my primary tool throughout early adulthood, but it came at the cost of missing out on a lot in life.
Every person reacts differently, and one technique is not likely to address ALL triggers.
It seems to take exploration and discovery on each man's part. Is that what you're finding?

 

[Nothing Man]

My therapist says that flashbacks are the body's way of saying it wants to talk about what happened. In our therapy sessions we talk and talk and talk about whatever event leads me to a flashback and eventually the flashback loses its power. I too have tried breathing exercises and they help, but not as much as talking about the event to my trusted therapist. I hope this helps.

 

[justplainme]

Take them for what they are : Memories gone astray. If you let the mind control you then you will not be able to control anything you do, the brain and memory work to store information when this information is stored it will gain significance based on its emotional impact, the less emotional value you give over to the rape the less power it will have over you, writing, therapy all these things are ways to disarm the bomb that is childhood rape. You are not your thoughts. Remember that.

 

[lapchinj]

I've done pretty good with meds. Yeah my mind is a little zoned out but I have very few flashbacks. The only flashback that I'm not able to free myself from is when a gun was placed to my head and the trigger pulled. I still wake up in the middle of the night with a big white flash, my heart pounding and sweat pouring down my face. I still don't know what brings that episode back up.

I still have triggers that will send me into a very bad panic attack instantly that will make me freeze not being able to do anything, say for instance in the middle of a street or even make me run away from wherever I am at the moment.

The problem with the panic attacks is that if I'm triggered the trigger must go away, I have been unable to find a way such as breathing, writing and even talking about it that will help.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope