How do you cope?

How do you cope?
R

reality2k4

Registrant
Somedays I feel like the dirty little boy, like life is not real and stuff.
Its the guilt trip taking over, against my rational self.

When I was younger I had youth on my side, and it helped me through loads.
I speak from who I am today, and not the kid who went through it, but what the hell, I can relate to others who are younger and are going through stuff pretty raw, I hope.

I have coping strategies to get me out of desperate situations in my mind, but I still live these desperate thoughts.

Is it not a fact that we go outdoors and think we are different?
Forget it, there is always someone more different.

Getting walked over, hey, who are you walking over, explain it!

Never let anyone walk over you unless you want it ;)

ste
 
I know exactly what you are talking about mate, I have been there and I had various coping strategies. Sometimes it helped to talk to someone (I had a very good online friend whom without which, I would probably not be here today) Keeping busy I find helps too, especially something that you really need to concentrate, but even then, sometimes my mind wanders, like when im at work. It aint easy, but for gods sake, dont sit around the house all alone just doing nothing...I know I cant talk, I have done it myself, but its probably the worst thing you can do, thats when your mind wonders, when you have nothing to distract you.
 
James73, Reality2K4 - There's alot of wisdom in what you say, James73...thoughts we have no control of, they come - flash through our minds - cause anxieties! But we need to "take control" of those thoughts and: talk to buddy, get ourselves moving, don't entertain thoughts/ flashbacks, get going on a hobby, take a walk, put on a movie, plan our activities for tomorrow, come to the site and get into an issue, PM a friend here...whatever it takes, get going! At one point I thought these problems would disappear for me but now, in more reality, I believe we need to "control" them...plan for them and live with containing them!

Howard
 
IF YOU EVER LEARN HOW TO COPE WITH THIS SHIT
PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW

LIFE IS A SHIT SANDWITCH . EAT IT OR STARVE
 
Okie Mike - There were times I'd have joined you in that "shit sandwich" ! It tastes awful and leaves a very foul taste in our mouths! In one way you hit it right because coping is not a resolution as much as it is living with what you can't get rid of! My answer was to either let it rule/ruin/stymie me of what life I had left after it took its distructive time from most of my life OR do what I could with what I had left. My abuse spanned (when all was said and done) from age 5 through age 23. It took from 26 through 40 years old before I could stabilize myself well enough to begin to live life with some satisfaction. Notice, I didn't say cured or without flashbacks or other traumas. I struggled until I could cope well enough and start getting stronger until I could begin making a difference in my life, my wife's life and my children's life. It was not nor was it ever easy. But with help from good friends, occassional support from colleagues and my therapist, life came to be satisfactory and what the Perp's (there were many) stole from me, I've gradually taken a lot of it back! BTW - I keep a piece of my "shit sandwich" to remind me they exist and too many of my brothers still eat them too often! The lows are low, OkieMike, but we are all pulling for each of us to make our way free!

Howard
 
Its Ok saying all this, but when I go to my doc, she says I look OK and nothing is going on so I dont get help, same as the psyche doc, but they tell me that I dont show stuff.

I feel like the little kid again who should just smash up the world before they take notice!
Thats it, they dont want to listen or know about it, they just push you away.

Keep wearing the mask son, dont let it slip,

ste
 
Ste,

What makes you think that they don't want to listen or know about it? I don't believe that is true. In recovery, self-disclosure is crucial, however, its important to be able to find a therapist you can trust and feel comfortable with. It takes time though and I hope you find someone who you can trust. Sometimes, we have to remove the mask so we can tend to the wounds beneathe it.

Much Love
Jason
 
Bob Marley helps me cope:-)
Peace
 
I keep wanting all of this to be over. My wife keeps telling me that this may never be over. I keep facing the same feelings and memories over and over again. They're just different, but so is my coping. I'm trying to find healthier ways to deal with it all.

I keep looking to the outside for some sort of support and relief. But when I take the time to look into my life, I find that I've been strong and I will continue to be strong. And now I'm becoming strong enough to face it, day in and day out. And then I crash again and then once again take up the fight.

It's just such slow spirals - sometimes up and sometimes down. But it's in talking through it that I find my own strength again and again. Then I shut up and shut down and crash again. I want to reach a point in my life where I don't have to cope anymore. Until then I'll cope away.
 
Scooter,

It sounds as if you are in one of the most difficult stages in recovery, however, it is a stage and things will get better and eventually, those ups and downs will even out. It is frustrating how slow it can be sometimes. Your wife was right. These issues will never go away completely but we will learn to deal with them and those memories will become more few and far between as time goes on. Be strong and don't forget to take a break from them at times.

Jason
 
I guess I wrote this thread thinking of how I coped as a kid, to how I cope now.
I can quite honestly say that the issues have been always in my mind 24/7.

Its like thinking, why do I have to always show I am strong and not show emotions.
Everybody expects me to be strong, and that is how its always been.

I can cope with what happened to me, but hell, I cannot cope with its legacy.
I guess it is like cycles of grief that just hit me from nowhere.

Maybe its because I had nobody to share it with,

ste
 
STE/Stuck

Like grief, there is no time limit. We use whatever methods we can when young. I was always in a daze naturally (space case before the term became popular) and although the 3 major traumas were in my teens, they were shoved way down deep. Then they were buried by drugs and booze, then just vodka: gal and one straw, why waste ice and a glass? The brain now gets occasional sun showers - arrgh the light! - and I see and deal with them slowly. Better late than never for me and I get a kick rattling my T's cage since I can be a bit candid. Imagine that?
Whatever works when young, then it's time to get serious which is when we feel our emotions.
It is liberating to a point because painful memories are difficult to totally erase. That's why we are here discussing this crap.

froggy12 - you'd think by now I'd know how to use a simple declarative sentence.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top