How do we recover from sa?
MikeInFlorida
Registrant
Please forgive me for asking, but I honestly don't know. What are the steps of recovery? Thanks!!
Mike
Mike
How do we recover from sa?
- Thread starterMikeInFlorida
- Start date
I just started therapy after 40 years after my 40 sa. I could not have done have done until I was forced by events and guilt and other problems. I could not have done this without my wife (who should have left me years ago) standing with me and protecting me from myself. i feel more free than I have ever felt since my SA. The most improtant thing I have learned is "The truth shall make you free!"
parttimecop
Registrant
I think you have to ask yourself where you would like to be and who you would like to be. Then work towards being that person. Just be honest with yourself about your inherit personal limitations. By that I mean, don't look to be somebody you are not. And be happy with yourself and accept that you are where and who you are for a special purpose.
For me I guess the first step in starting my recovery from being sexually abuse happened when I was finally able to admit to myself that I had been sexually abused.
As they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
Until I took that step nothing could help me.
I'm glad I took it.
As they say, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
Until I took that step nothing could help me.
I'm glad I took it.
I'm not so sure there are steps through recovery, since recovery is so different for each individual person. I did not actually notice advancement over levels until I unknowingly passed them and with a casual look back realized I was in a better place than before.
What happened to me is that I slowly realized I wasnt crying as much anymore. As time went by, I would catch myself smiling more and more, laughing at things that used to make me cry, and not getting angry at people that I would perceive as bullying or victimizing me such as the guy that cuts you off in traffic. Later I began to notice I have worked so hard on dealing with negative emotions that I now handle day-to-day challenges more effectively than the normal people around me.
But thinking about it in retrospect, I did follow a few steps unconsciously. I stopped drinking first, and if there is a substance that fuels depression man, alcohol has got to be it. Then I began the therapy to fix the things that were not right in my life, but oddly enough I still at this point did not attribute any of my problems with the abuse. It was always, Yeah that happened but it didnt affect me.
I want to take a second to say that, that quote is the main reason I am so vocal and public about my abuse. I had the perfect happy family life, yet I would look out the window while I cried, and wonder why I was so sad and unhappy. Duh! It does affect you! Make the connection and get some help! Ok, give me a second to get off my soapbox
Ah there.
So like a year into therapy I told my therapist about the abuse and asked, So do you think that has anything to do with this stuff? She indicated that indeed that could be the root of the problem. So I worked on that with her, I found MaleSurvivor, and I used the retreats to really get over some major hurdles.
So I guess there are steps, but when youre going down that long dark tunnel to the light, you kind of have to feel your way, cause there aint no signs that point the way.
What happened to me is that I slowly realized I wasnt crying as much anymore. As time went by, I would catch myself smiling more and more, laughing at things that used to make me cry, and not getting angry at people that I would perceive as bullying or victimizing me such as the guy that cuts you off in traffic. Later I began to notice I have worked so hard on dealing with negative emotions that I now handle day-to-day challenges more effectively than the normal people around me.
But thinking about it in retrospect, I did follow a few steps unconsciously. I stopped drinking first, and if there is a substance that fuels depression man, alcohol has got to be it. Then I began the therapy to fix the things that were not right in my life, but oddly enough I still at this point did not attribute any of my problems with the abuse. It was always, Yeah that happened but it didnt affect me.
I want to take a second to say that, that quote is the main reason I am so vocal and public about my abuse. I had the perfect happy family life, yet I would look out the window while I cried, and wonder why I was so sad and unhappy. Duh! It does affect you! Make the connection and get some help! Ok, give me a second to get off my soapbox
Ah there.
So like a year into therapy I told my therapist about the abuse and asked, So do you think that has anything to do with this stuff? She indicated that indeed that could be the root of the problem. So I worked on that with her, I found MaleSurvivor, and I used the retreats to really get over some major hurdles.
So I guess there are steps, but when youre going down that long dark tunnel to the light, you kind of have to feel your way, cause there aint no signs that point the way.
The first step to recovery for me was realizing I was behaving very strangely as a result of the SA. It took relating to others to realize that relationships aren't built the way I was "taught" they were.
My first step was the biggest one I've ever taken, disclosing to my wife that "I have been abused"
That was more of a leap than a step!
Since then I suppose my steps have been pretty random, much like a drunken stumble I guess. But like the drunk, I've sobered up as I went along and eventually made it to safety.
Let the steps carry you along, if it feels right to that direction, then go that way. The other direction will still be there when you get around to it.#
And don't worry about the occassional step backwards, that's just 'finding your balance again'
Dave
That was more of a leap than a step!
Since then I suppose my steps have been pretty random, much like a drunken stumble I guess. But like the drunk, I've sobered up as I went along and eventually made it to safety.
Let the steps carry you along, if it feels right to that direction, then go that way. The other direction will still be there when you get around to it.#
And don't worry about the occassional step backwards, that's just 'finding your balance again'
Dave
MikeInFlorida
Registrant
Hi All,
Thank you all for your insightful input. I thin that If the first step to recovery is to be open with my family, then I took this step several yeras ago. I will continue to live my life day by day, and I am becomming more comfortable with who I am with every passing day.
Again, thank you.
Mike
Thank you all for your insightful input. I thin that If the first step to recovery is to be open with my family, then I took this step several yeras ago. I will continue to live my life day by day, and I am becomming more comfortable with who I am with every passing day.
Again, thank you.
Mike
I think everyone has given you very good advice. For me, the first step was believing it was something other then me being 'bad', 'dirty' or otherwise 'wrong'. The second was to try to find some avenue to talk about it with others who understand, and for me, it was finding something online. It was another site I find first, but through there, I find this one.
There are other tools to assist some with recovering. This site, it is a tool. Medications, self-help books, retreats, group or individual therapy; all of those are tools to help recover. It is on us to recover. It is our choices, and our attempts, that will help us. Our choices to gain understanding of the past and control of it. Some people will use all of these tools, some will use some, some will use none. But they are available to us.
I wish you good luck. Recovery is possible. I am not 'there' yet, with 'there' being the secure place I want to be in my mind. But I am much closer to there then I was a year ago, a year and half ago, six months ago, three months ago, etc. It happens.
leosha
There are other tools to assist some with recovering. This site, it is a tool. Medications, self-help books, retreats, group or individual therapy; all of those are tools to help recover. It is on us to recover. It is our choices, and our attempts, that will help us. Our choices to gain understanding of the past and control of it. Some people will use all of these tools, some will use some, some will use none. But they are available to us.
I wish you good luck. Recovery is possible. I am not 'there' yet, with 'there' being the secure place I want to be in my mind. But I am much closer to there then I was a year ago, a year and half ago, six months ago, three months ago, etc. It happens.
leosha
Mike, I'm not sure that we ever recover from SA. However, I think we can recover from the negative effects, in other words, we can move on with our lives being minimally effected by the traumatizing SA history. Maybe even move on with increased sensitivity to the pain of others and awareness enough to protect our children.
Peace, Andrew
Peace, Andrew
unknownsoldier
Registrant
This is really cool, to look back fand see that I was making steps, although at the time I feel like I am just blundering through.
First I guess was being able to admit what I had known all along, that there was abus, and then to be able to et it into my mind. That was really hard, but I learned that I can survive that.
Then I could stop trying to be someone else all the time and find out who I am. Mostly its just been practicing skills like communication and boundries.
My therapist said once that healing happens in "showing up" for things, like being present with other people, or in therapy, or writing. Not being blank all the time.
I guess next is to feel some of the emotions that happened in the past, since I still don't feel that much about all the memories.
Thanks for asking the question, Marc.
First I guess was being able to admit what I had known all along, that there was abus, and then to be able to et it into my mind. That was really hard, but I learned that I can survive that.
Then I could stop trying to be someone else all the time and find out who I am. Mostly its just been practicing skills like communication and boundries.
My therapist said once that healing happens in "showing up" for things, like being present with other people, or in therapy, or writing. Not being blank all the time.
I guess next is to feel some of the emotions that happened in the past, since I still don't feel that much about all the memories.
Thanks for asking the question, Marc.