How do I tell people I am okay.

[I Want 2 Thrive]

I have been touched by suicide three times in the last few months. I have had two gentlemen I have been providing peer support commit suicide. Now I have had a member of my church with a similar background kill himself. Everyone in my life is coming running asking the same question, "Are you okay?"

I know I should be grateful so many of my friends and family are concerned. Still, the other side of my brain is still dealing with how SaNgrY (sad, angry, guilty) I am. I am coping. I understand depression spirals... I also understand clusters of self-destructive behavior among those who have had our shared history.

I guess I'm just frustrated/annoyed that people think I am made of glass..

 

[Caz1967]

I guess I'm just frustrated/annoyed that people think I am made of glass..

Just curious, but what makes you interpret their concern this way? I don't know that it's an accurate interpretation, based on what you shared above. "Are you okay?" is perhaps not the most helpful way to express concern, but it is an expression of concern, which you've pointed out above, albeit one that is perhaps said for lack of knowing what else to say considering the awkward circumstance of multiple suidides in a persons personal life and how it may be affecting them.

 

[Nick VB]

Your strength is amazing. I have found people who do not share our history but care about us often don’t know what to say or how to express it. I can see where “concern” would feel like you are being viewed as fragile. And clearly you are not.
Perhaps take what they say as an expression of love and admiration.
I’m glad you get to say “You are coping”, friend.
Thank you for sharing this.
I am very grateful for the courage on this forum.

 

[I Want 2 Thrive]

what makes you interpret their concern this way?

Because of the follow up comments I received. It has been my experience that people (in general) don't want to acknowledge the "ugly bits" of our society. I have met too many people who assume that for a male to be a victim, the male MUST be weak in some way. I was the one who inspired the desire in my friend to seek therapy. He gave up when the work got hard. He withdrew and I missed the signs, thus the sadness, anger and guilt now.

Have I had suicidal thoughts in the past? Yes. I have attempted suicide three times, once with comical results. That was decades ago before I started dealing with what happened and a LOT of therapy.

[My definition of comical result: Jumping head first off a train bridge into shallow water... only to break the smallest bone in a human ankle. I learned God has a sense of humor that day.]

 

[KMCINVA]

I have been touched by suicide three times in the last few months. I have had two gentlemen I have been providing peer support commit suicide. Now I have had a member of my church with a similar background kill himself. Everyone in my life is coming running asking the same question, "Are you okay?"

I know I should be grateful so many of my friends and family are concerned. Still, the other side of my brain is still dealing with how SaNgrY (sad, angry, guilty) I am. I am coping. I understand depression spirals... I also understand clusters of self-destructive behavior among those who have had our shared history.

I guess I'm just frustrated/annoyed that people think I am made of glass..

I Want 2 Thrive

I am sorry you have been touched by suicide many times in the past few months. I have lost survivor friends and friends with Ptsd (non CSA). I have come to learn survivors are 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide as are those suffering from PTSD. It is only naturally for those that care for you they reach out and maybe the words are not correct, they want to be there for you. I have learned this from the people who came into my life and gave me love and support, while those who hd further traumatized me have shown no compassion or emphathy. Those with hearts want you to be here and I know it is hard not to think they see us as fragile or made of glass. I have learned take their help, take their concern for these are the people who should be in your life.

Many times someone contemplating suicide leave subtle signs and other times no signs. There are those who "rebound" in our eyes, they look happy, they smile, they engage. I have learned from my own experience with those I lost to suicide they have come to terms and are at peace with their decision--which makes it difficult to see a sign. You cannot beat yourself up, you were there for them in life. I still become angry and sad when someone takes their life, I now pray they are at peace for the demons are sometimes too strong. I always encourage, from my own suicidal thoughts, stay clear of those who deny your abuse, your challenges, your flashbacks, etc, for their interest lies for themselves to hide your truth or continue to bury their truths.

Please take care of yourself, reach out if you are feeling down.

Kevin

 

[Caz1967]

Because of the follow up comments I received. It has been my experience that people (in general) don't want to acknowledge the "ugly bits" of our society. I have met too many people who assume that for a male to be a victim, the male MUST be weak in some way. I was the one who inspired the desire in my friend to seek therapy. He gave up when the work got hard. He withdrew and I missed the signs, thus the sadness, anger and guilt now.

Have I had suicidal thoughts in the past? Yes. I have attempted suicide three times, once with comical results. That was decades ago before I started dealing with what happened and a LOT of therapy.

[My definition of comical result: Jumping head first off a train bridge into shallow water... only to break the smallest bone in a human ankle. I learned God has a sense of humor that day.]

I'm glad you shared this. It makes your interpretation more understandable to me. I had a feeling this might've been the case, but I didn't want to pry. It seems your personal history with suicide attempts is following you around and making this situation more difficult to deal with?

And it seems to me you are in a difficult situation with what is going on now. You're having a very understandable emotional reaction to the tragedy of people close to you committing suicide, but you seem to feel that you don't have the right to feel this way among the people in your life, to feel vulnerable as a male in this situation? Yet none of us are made of granite, males included. We definitely have a right to our very normal emotional reactions to those close to us taking their own lives. You have that right too. I'm glad you're opening up here about what is going on with you, everything included. You have a right to feel conflicted, if this is the way you are feeling, in this situation and also upset at the tragic loss of those close to you.