How do I support my husband?

How do I support my husband?

Unbroken

Registrant
Hello everyone,
I am trying to understand what my husband is going through. All this just came to the surface recently and I’m trying to do the best I can to support him. I’m just not sure where to start and looking for any advice.

I’m now aware of how this has manifested in our marriage and I can see the role I played. I have changed a lot over the last few months and so has he. Sometimes I get so excited when we have forward momentum, but then something happens and we are right back at the beginning.

I see him dropping back into old patterns and habits, and I am trying so hard to not feed into it. I just don’t know what to do.

Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
 
Is your husband in therapy? Does he belong to a male support group? Does he have an accountability partner?
 
@Jack1 He was in therapy and then stopped. He’s got many walls. I am not sure if he’s in an online group, and definitely not an in-person group. No accountability partner that I’m aware of.
 
Two of the most common problems for male CSA survivors: Not wanting to face the issue and Not wanting to open up in seeking help. The shame and guilt are huge obstacles for many.
 
Two of the most common problems for male CSA survivors: Not wanting to face the issue and Not wanting to open up in seeking help. The shame and guilt are huge obstacles for many.
I can see him struggling with this a lot. I’m trying to find a healthy way to support him and set boundaries. Trying to supporting, and encouraging him, while still holding him accountable. It’s like walking a tight rope sometimes.
 
I can't offer you much more since I don't know much about him. I would suggest that your husband join a support group like Celebrate Recovery which has local groups that have a 12 step recovery program for anyone struggling with hurts, hang-ups or habits of any kind. I go to one held at a local church and it has been a real help. You might find it very helpful too. More than a few of the men in my group are survivors of CSA and there are women's groups too.
 
I can't offer you much more since I don't know much about him. I would suggest that your husband join a support group like Celebrate Recovery which has local groups that have a 12 step recovery program for anyone struggling with hurts, hang-ups or habits of any kind. I go to one held at a local church and it has been a real help. You might find it very helpful too. More than a few of the men in my group are survivors of CSA and there are women's groups too.
Thank you I will look into that!
 
@Unbroken There are two distinct parts to CR groups. I attend a men's group on a weekly basis where we discuss our problems and the men are very supportive. You only have to reveal what you feel comfortable with.There is also the 12 Step Program which is an intensive group that gets together for about 6 or so weeks and you have to be ready to bare it all. I'm not doing the 12 Steps since I don't really feel I'm ready for it. That doesn't stop me from attending my weekly group and all this is free to those attending.

Best wishes to you and your husband in his journey to healing.
 
@Unbroken There are two distinct parts to CR groups. I attend a men's group on a weekly basis where we discuss our problems and the men are very supportive. You only have to reveal what you feel comfortable with.There is also the 12 Step Program which is an intensive group that gets together for about 6 or so weeks and you have to be ready to bare it all. I'm not doing the 12 Steps since I don't really feel I'm ready for it. That doesn't stop me from attending my weekly group and all this is free to those attending.

Best wishes to you and your husband in his journey to healing.
Thank you so much! Best wishes to you as well!
 
Unbroken - my wife found "Allies in Healing" to be very helpful when I was kinda where your husband is now... and a lot of patience (I was a train wreck). That book has a lot of good and sound info.
 
My husband is a survivor and some days are better than others. Just letting him know u r there for him no matter what will mean a lot. Some days when it's hard my husband has said if u want to leave me I will understand. I said I am going no where and we will get thru this. My husband has been seeing a therapist once a week for almost 2 years. I am also seeing a telehealth therapist every couple weeks for myself. Together we r going to a couples therapist to help us get thru this. Yes I wish this could all go away but it's not that easy. I love my husband since the day we have been together. We have been together since 1996 and married since 2002
 
Also my wife liked When a Man You Love Was Abused. She said it really helped her especially since she was also a survivor of CSA.
That looks very helpful. Thank you for the recommendation!
My husband is a survivor and some days are better than others. Just letting him know u r there for him no matter what will mean a lot. Some days when it's hard my husband has said if u want to leave me I will understand. I said I am going no where and we will get thru this. My husband has been seeing a therapist once a week for almost 2 years. I am also seeing a telehealth therapist every couple weeks for myself. Together we r going to a couples therapist to help us get thru this. Yes I wish this could all go away but it's not that easy. I love my husband since the day we have been together. We have been together since 1996 and married since 2002
You’re an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing. It’s encouraging. I love my husband very much too. He stopped going to therapy after 6 sessions when it started to get too vulnerable I guess. Some days are better than others. I just see him falling back into old patterns and I don’t know what to do or what not to do. I am learning and reading…a lot.
 
I have a family and friends chat on here on Tuesdays. We talk about how everything is going. Give each other help or encouragement. You may come if u would like. My husband turns to drinking sometimes when he is having rough time
 
I have a family and friends chat on here on Tuesdays. We talk about how everything is going. Give each other help or encouragement. You may come if u would like. My husband turns to drinking sometimes when he is having rough time
Yes I would love that ! My husband is a drinker too.
 
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