How do I pull off going to work this week?

How do I pull off going to work this week?
L

LupinIII

Registrant
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I am really glad that I have found this board.

Everything that is happening makes me feel a lot like Atlas. The big difference is I am crumbling under the weight of this world. I know that recovery is a process, but how in the blue hell do I handle this week? How do I go back to work and function (I sell advertising)? How do I deal? I can only make it a few hours now of somewhat functioning behavior before the freak-out process overtakes me. In my job I am expected to make 100 calls a day..and I call EVP's, Presidents and CEOs..I have to 'pitch' 10 of these people a day...the publication i sell for is official and a very high standard thing, so I don't have to worry because what i do is unethical (see defending myself when it isnt even necessary) but the job is filled with rejection and very stressful. The people I work for are understanding to a point, but sales is about making money..well you know the deal..

I have tried using my Alanon 12 steps to help, but I can't get past Step 1 where my life is unmanageable. We do not have enough savings to make it or transition into my wife working a while so I can have a breather.

Any good strategies, stories or advice for me?

Thank you in advance.
 
Hi Lupin,

Boy does your situation bring back memories for me! I remember when I was just getting started with recovery, I found my way into an ACOA meeting. Of all the wonderful things I learned that first day, the most important one was the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer and the slogan of "one step/day/minute/second/whatever at a time". If I looked any further down the road than I could manage, I would "flood" emotionally and my brain would "tilt" and shut down. Then I would panic and became useless to myself or anyone else for that matter.

So begin with the Serenity Prayer. What are the things that you just cannot change "right now"? What are the things you can? And will you keep asking for help until you clearly know and see the difference? I would suggest that you can't change what you're experiencing right now. So use all your efforts to secure support, starting with a therapist. I was amazed how much I could get through in the early days of recovery just knowing that I had an appointment in a day or so.

It is so helpful to have someeone with whom you feel safe and contained by because at first we feel like we're spilling out all over the place. Depending on where you live, there may be a therapist in your area who is a member of MaleSurvivor and would see you on a sliding scale. There are ways to make it happen but you'll have to accept that you have to come first right now in order to get better for yourself as well as your family.

As for work, do you have any vacation time you could take for a day or two which would give you time to find a therapist and get a game plan in place? That used to calm me down a little just knowing I had a plan. Whatever you decide to do, please keep posting here and get the support and feedback from guys who are living it along with you.

And thanks for bringing back memories that are both difficult and sweet but also remind me how important the last 16 years have been.

Taz
 
Lupin,
You are not atlas. You (nor anyone else)can not handle the weight of the world, of course you will cramble. So, what to do?
Try to look at your day in managable time frames, perhaps one hour at a time. Plan out your day like that. 6am to 7am, wash, dress, eat. 7am to 8am, drive to work & perpare day's schedule. 8am to 9am make calls to specific people or certain # of calls-to.

If you have time left over in that time period (& U should schedule time for this in each period) use a relaxtion technique.
Slow breathing or the such & reflect on all success. You'll have at least 3 every hour. A success in an 'attempt to do', or a 'did do'. Each hour you'll add more successes to your list.
Thats all you consentrate on, just that one particular time frame. Example success, You got up(actually, getting out of bed is #1) and 1) washed 2) eat, 3) dressed. Next hour; 1,2,3 & 4) drove to work, 5) smiled & wish one person a nice day, 6) sitting at desk. Next hour; (use ur relax tech during each reflection)1,2,3,4,5,6, & 7) called Joe Smith, 8) JS is interested, 9) will call back. 10) called T Jones. By the end of the work day u'll have at least 2 dozen successes.

This helps get ur mind off the unpleasent, gets u into a helpful routine. This helps u to see that you actually succeed a lot each day. You may want to write down all successes. Then read them over at the end & start of each day. This may also help you manage your "work To Do list".

As one becomes depressed, routine becomes problematic because you are not at full strength. Your brain becomes limited at the amount of data you can process at one time. Its like removing 250 MB RAM out of your computer & just leaving 6MB.
So, take little steps, eccept little successes. But actually, theses R Big steps & Big successes.

Blacken
 
Lupin,

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time.

Take some of those minutes and hours to take deep slow breaths and refocus and clear your mind.

Bill
 
Lupin III (great screenname! Enjoyed the anime by Miyazaki!),

If you can take a minute, brother, remember that you do NOT have to bear the burden of your situation for long stretches at a time. If you can follow the advice of the brothers here: take a breath, serenity prayer, etc., do so. The effects may last only for a minute or they may last longer, but they can BUY you the time you need to get your head back on straight.

My suggestion, for what it's worth, was taught me by my therapist and sister (my sister's a survivor too). They've told me that it's possible to take control of the thoughts so they don't overwhelm you. When they get truly bad (and it seems for you, and me, they do!), ground yourself. Take a deep breath, tense and relax ALL of your muscles, open your eyes, and slam your feet firmly on the floor. This will remind you that you're in the here-and-now and safe. At the same time, tell yourself, I'm NOT going to think about this right now. I will think about this later. And do it. Delaying your emotions is one thing, denying them is another, and THAT never helps!

My brother, you've come to the right place. There's an awful lot of wisdom here, and the brothers really care for you. I do as well.

I'm glad to "meet" you, Lupin. I can't wait to see what you'll contribute. And there's something that I say to all my new brothers here. It can be a little off-putting, but when you cinsider the crap we've dealt with, we need to hear this. I love you, brother Lupin, no strings attached and nothing asked for in return.

Peace and love, my brother. One day at a time.

Scot
 
Hey Lupin... I have been where you are. I work in advertising as well - design, not sales - and it is a stressful, hectic world. Especially when you are going through this kind of shit, and people are freaking out over money, statistics, etc. etc. etc.

When new flashbacks and memories started to surface back in November, the hardest thing in the world for me was to go back to work. I was able to take some vacation time. If you can do that, it might give you just the breather you need.

I remember breaking down one morning getting ready for work... I just couldn't fathom facing the day-to-day shit with the flashbacks running through my head virtally non-stop. And other days, going to work helps to get my mind off of things.

Post here if you need help getting through it if you go into work.

-Sean
 
for the last hour i have had to isolate myself in the bedroom because i am filled with such rage...is this normal?

i was in bed for about an hour and then forced myself to go out with family to get dinner...since dinner i have had such anger that i didn't want to take it out on anyone so i isolated....i cannot believe what was stolen from me...my childhood...my teenage years..my twenties...college (i left school one incomplete away from a bachelors (anxiety attack) and now I would have to at least do 2 yrs full-time to get a degree)...all f-ing gone..and these things can never come back NEVER....

i am sorry for posting so much but i feel this is the only place, right now, that really understands what i am saying....
 
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