How do I deal with the hate ?

How do I deal with the hate ?
O

OKIE MIKE

Registrant
I was raped while in the U.S.Army in 1977 . I have wanted to Kill my Rapest for almost 30 Years
I went to the trouble to call every Person that had the same name as Him ,in every state trying to find this SOB. Thinking that I night actualy find him .YEAH RITE
I still have nightmares and trouble with sleep
The anger is slowly destroying me .

WHAT CAN I DO TO GET MY LIFE BACK
 
Dear Mike,
For me what happens to you is far more important than what happens to your prepertrator. Focusing on him as you know would be a waste of your energies that could be utilized in your healing.
Now that you have chosen to reclaim your life, the best next step would be to resolve to build on your life, from this point onwards.
Though tell me, How much of this hate is actually self-hate?! Because on that depends your recovery from it.

MS
 
Morning Star has awesomely good advise for you Mike. Nothing that I could add to it except to suggest seeking a therapist to help you thru all this. Peace, Andrew
 
Michael,

All I can do is second what MS and Andrew have suggested.

Retribution for what was done to them is on the mind of most survivors, but the focus of that, as well as of everything you do concerning your abuse, should be this question: Will this help me to heal? That is, keep your own recovery as your main goal.

Your question: "What can I do to get my life back?" - that's really it in a nutshell, isn't it. The problem is that the issues and emotions are so deep and complex that when we try to deal with them alone it can be very frustrating and traumatic. There have been days I have felt like a kid who has just kicked over a beehive: running all around swatting everywhere with stings coming from every direction.

To avoid being retraumatized all over again I think it's pretty important to be dealing with a good therapist. There are guidelines on this site. You have to be willing to ask for help and accept it, but the effort is worth it. One thing a good T will do is help you to explore your anger and recognize that you have a right to be angry while not allowing anger to hijack your life.

Take care,
Larry
 
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