How do I deal with past abuse?

How do I deal with past abuse?
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Hi,

Recently (within six months) I recovered memories of extensive sexual abuse from a guidance counselor when I was 11 years old. I wish it was a one-time thing, but it was over a long time (not sure, but months, I think).

I know it's normal, but this has been really traumatic because it happened 25 years ago, but now it's as if it happened yesterday. How do people cope with it?

I really sometimes feel as if I'm alone, even though I'm not. Sometimes it feels as if the abuser is still there abusing me. It's hard.

Thanks for any suggestions you may have.
 
Welcome Crisispoint,

Jeff did a good job covering it.

My SA, aslo, started at 11. I had thought it started when I was 10, but recently learned it was just days after my 11th b-day. It took over 26 years to start addressing it.

Talk about it and find a T. We are good listeners here.

I didn't do that and perp #3 brought back an overwhelming load of shit that pushed me into months of deep depression that made me easy prey for #4.

You are not alone,
Bill
 
CP,

Welcome to MS, I'm glad you found us here and have found the courage to start telling your story. There are many good men here to listen and guide you along your journey to healing.

If by "normal" you mean repressing memories, I agree many survivors do that. But just because its normal doesn't mean its not traumatic. On the contrary you wouldn't have repressed the memories if they were not traumatic.

I say that not to sound superior but simply to emphasize the deeply traumatic nature of sexual abuse. You were deeply wronged and there is no normal or simple rational way to deal with it.

There is hope though, you are not alone!!! Please know that we are here to listen, learn, and be of some service of at all possible.

Thanks for having the courage to come forward and start telling your story. Its a concrete step on the way to living a fuller richer life. Something we all are striving towards.

Again welcome CP!

Peace,

Aaron
 
Hello Crisispoint. As you have experienced, the men here can help each other because we have had similar experiences.

What you seem to be describing are flashbacks and memories that the therapists call "intrusive" thoughts. My understanding is that when these happen, it means that your inner world is wanting to move toward being whole, well, etc.

These are almost always very disturbing, terrifying experiences that cause us a great deal of mental pain. I found, as the guys mentioned, that talking to a trusted friend helps, having a good therapist who knows how to treat trauma survivors helps, and this discussion board helps.

Come here whenever you feel you want to or you have questions, or just wonder what is happening. Each of us experiences our abuse and betrayal in a unique way. At the same time, they are enough similarities that we can comfort and support each other.

Bob
 
Hi crisispoint
welcome :)

all the advice given above is excellent. i don't really know what to add, just wanted to say hello and that i am glad you have found MS. i am new also and so far it has been a really helpful experience. just remember you are not alone and there is always someone here ready to listen and respond. i would strongly suggest getting a therapist. i've only been going to mine for about 7 months and already it has made a world of difference. i wish you all the luck in healing and hope that you find friendship and support here. there are great guys here!!!

Kip
 
Crisispoint,

One of the things that might let you feel less alone is to read the 'Lies' post that someone has brought back up to the top again. It is so powerful to see the common lies that we were all told to manipulate us and keep us from telling anyone. It took me over 38 years to tell anyone that I was abused and then only because I thought that I was just going to explode if I didn't.

There are a lot of very supportive guys here that have made it a long way along the path to healing. Each of us is a teacher and a student, willing to share our experiences and learn from each other. You were never alone, we were never alone, it was just another lie that was told to us by our abusers to manipulate us.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
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