how do i deal with my father - please comment

[markgreyblue]

you guys -

i need to excorcise my dad - from my head -

he is in touch -

at the urging of one person only -

a girl i have known fro 25 years -

but then again -

this girl has a father who has left and come back to her mother over 4 times -

this woman may not have the best idea of what is

healthy -

so i am seeing my characteristics -

and cleaning them up -

i know i spend - but I won't do this anymore -

to the point of putting myself in the way - of his sadistic jabs -

or in the way to be possibly seduced by an offer from him -

this man - i wish were dead -

it would be easier -

but he isn't - so i will live with the reality that he is there -
and

it is not a very good or healthy - thing

mark

 

[ShyBear]

Originally posted by markgreyblue:
this girl has a father who has left and come back to her mother over 4 times - this woman may not have the best idea of what is healthy

She has NO IDEA what is healthy, brother, so to hell with what she thinks ought to happen between you & your father, especially since she doesn't have to bear any consequences !

What do YOU want / need, Mark ?

 

[Morning Star]

I would rather like 'healing' with your father, when you can see him as an essential part of your soul's journey?

As to why did you choose him to incarnate thru, that is the life question you need to ask now.

Now, do you really want to deal with your father, or do you want to feel at peace with him, just as he is? Two are very diametric things, as one can take you to endless cycle of abuse and repeated reliving past wounds and another would pave way to your own healing.

Choose carefully as life is not getting any longer and you cannot afford to loose any more years on the past relationships, be that with your own father or with any one else.

If you deal with it intensly once and for all, you can be free of all his influence in your present life and relationships.

So the real challenge would be to see him as an empowering presence in your life, someone who forced you to get empowered in the long run though in very painful manner. This way can not only take you a point where you can find some closure to your past, feel proud that you not only survived but also triumphed lifes most tuff challenge.

Looking back with gratitude, you can reach a point when you seek no redressal from him, just forgiveness and releasing all that you are holding back within, because the truth is what you dont release keeps coming back to you, unless you choose to heal thru it, know that it was to heal you, make you whole and not to destroy you.

How?

That is the challenge, you have ahead of you, now.

May you be guided by your spirit in that mission.

 

[roadrunner]

Mark,

When I was an activist in the civil rights and anti-war movements in the sixties, we used to have a slogan I liked a lot: "It you're not a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem."

Maybe that can be applied to your Dad. He's your father and you have a right to expect his support and understanding. If for any reason he can't follow through on these obligations, then he's not really your father except in a biological sense.

I have said this before to other guys, but why not just redefine your sense of who your family includes, and spare yourself the agony of toxic relatives? That's what I did years ago, and it was a great idea! I don't shun anyone, I just don't torment myself waiting for the love and compassion that will never come.

Much love,
Larry