How dare my son's T call me that! (Trigger)

How dare my son's T call me that! (Trigger)
Bill_1965

Bill_1965

***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***Trigger***

This week is a session is a session with my ex-wife at my sons T. I took my son to T because he was showing a lot of signs of being molested by my ex-wifes boyfriend. When this first started, I contacted Child Protective Services, they dismissed it for a lack of evidence and as my ex told them my projecting my SA onto my son. I needed to know if the terrible was happening or it was just me being oversensitive. After a few sessions of my son in T, he started to be very mean to my cat and said that he was trying to kill him, I put him in time out and explained to him that it is wrong to be mean to the cat. During this conversation he began rolling around covering himself and said that he couldnt talk to me because he was told not to. He eventually told me that he was being touched. I told my ex-wife about it and told me that I was making it up and I also contacted CPS again. They initially refused to reopen the case, but after some persistence on my part and my congressman they did. Several sessions later and interviews of my son and ex-wife by CPS, both his T and CPS dont think that he is being SA. That is good.

Three weeks ago was the first session with just me and my ex-wife. In that session I expressed my concerns of the SA and my ex-wifes dismissal of when I tell her of the flags he has been putting up, including the unexplained bleeding from his anus. How my son mentioned the bleeding without me ever saying anything to him about it, giving an explanation right after I told his mother, a common thing, after every time I tell her something, it is stopped or my son says a apparently rehearsed explanation/statement. The T then told me that I was making it up because my ex said that she has never seen any blood, that I was crying wolf and that I was useless as a father because I have unresolved issues about my SA.

How dare the SOB call me useless as a father. I am trying to protect my son and keep him safe. I brought him there for that purpose. I brought him there because I was concerned for his safety and wanted to make sure that I was not overreacting and without some evidence or certainty I would just be dismissed and make it harder to protect my son. How dare the SOB say that. My T about went ballistic when I told him about it at my session a few days later.

Anyways, something did come out of the session. My ex-wife asked my son about the bleeding and he told her that he was bleeding and gave the same reason he gave me. Hard stools. The next day we all were at the doctors having it checked out. The doctor did his examination and did not find any evidence of SA and had him start a stool softener to make sure it was just not hard stools. And miraculously the bleeding stopped before he started on the stool softener.

I have some words to say to my sons T. Some not so good words.

Bill
 
Bill,

You finally did get to see the doctor with your son and the doc found no evidence of sexual abuse.

You know (and we do, too) that you are a good father who went to great lengths to ensure your son's safety.

Maybe your T can tell you more about how to handle this other guy. His behavior sounds very unprofessional to me. Who selected him for your son? Are you satisfied that he is able to help your son? If he did not recognize the good you were trying to do, it doesn't speak well of him.

Joe
 
Bill, it certainly seems to me that it is time for your T to talk to your son's T.

If that does not help educate your son's T, I would think it wise to check qith the people who check up on members of this profession. You do not have to sue to get a letter off asking for information on the treatment of your son by this apparently not terribly well informed T.

Bob
 
I think I would report your son's therapist to the state agency they have their license from for investigation. I'm sorry, but I think this person was out of line and many states require a therapist to take a child abuse allegation serious and report it, not the other way around. I think this therapist acted unethically and unprofressionally from what you have told us. Ignorance is one thing, but behaving as the therapist did is another thing in my book.

Don
 
There are MANY psychiatrists, psychologists, therapist et al who are either plain niave or ignorant of how to identify childhood sexual abuse in their patients. Unfortunately, you seemed to hit one of these. Sorry for his really rude behaviors.

Secondly, the "system" who is mandated to "protect" (?) our children will pass off the report IF there is divorce proceedings, custody battles or a conflictual joint custody involved.

You may need to document...document...and (yes) document everything in a journal before getting the "system" to listen; however, with your persistence you were finally able to have the medical checkup/assessment you wanted and needed! Good persistence!! As for the therapist, he seems a bit skewed (!!!!) in this case!!

Howard
 
BILL..

Your a damn good father. We all would have concerns...I know I did with my son and my ex's BF.

The T was way out of line-maybe time for a new one....

When mine get out of line--------its' adios.

Best......MIKE
 
bill - you are a good man -
in any case it is uprofessional for a therapist to
make comments like these - and such counterproductive ones at that -

this sounds like this person is a bad therapist,
and unprofessional therapist and a not a very smart or good person.

keep up bill - again you are a good man -
it is a shame that all therapists are not so
qualified-
 
Bill - you know how I feel about this situation already. I think your son's therapist is completely out of line. Unfortunately, this is one other stigma that survivors of abuse have to deal with (that they'll project their abuse onto their kids.) In fact, it's sort of a triple frustration for us. First, no one wants to admit that SA happens as often as it does in the first place and if we come forward, we didn't do it soon enough or we're making it up. Second, no one wants to acknowledge that SA has long-lasting impact and affects us for the rest of our lives. And third, even though they don't want to admit the first two, they want to persecute us for either being too hypervigilent about other children or (even worse) are convinced that we are now abusers ourselves.

It is sick. You know 100% that I am behind you on this. I would have killed to have such a "useless" father to stand up for me when my abuse was happening. You are doing the right thing. He is exhibiting classic symptoms of SA... you did what you were supposed to as a dad! You brought him to the right people. It is his therapist's ignorance that he is blaming this on your "unresolved" issues. (Again, people think that this is something we can just "get over" and when we don't, they tell us it is what colors our entire world.)

PM me if you need to rant. This situation hits close to home for me, and I can assure you that your son is lucky to have you.

-Sean
 
Holy shit!!

Bill, you did the right thing. don't ever question yourself about this. I worry about this alot also. My ex's boyfriend has taken a liking to her older daughter(5yrs). I mentioned some strange behaviour to her and she went right to defending him. I think we as survivours can pick up on these things before the general public, just cuz, we've been there. We've all gone over what happened a thousand times to see if we could have prevented it. We all know we couldn't. But it sure would have been nice to have a loving caring father like yourself looking out for us.

Stand tall my friend. You are a father. That everyone here would have loved to have on their side. You son is very lucky to have you watching out for him. You did the right thing. And I'm sure you will always do the right thing. Even if it means pissing off your ex and her boyfriend, but, especially if it means pissing off this therapist with their head up their A**. They obviously don't know a thing about childhood SA. As others have suggested, I would also look into reporting this person to their governing body.

One thing that I have noticed, and this is just my opinon, from meeting other survivours and therapists is that our generation of survivours is different from past victims of SA. It seems that once someone has gone so far as to reach out for help, like therapy, groups, reading, info, etc, they drastically change the chances of passing this hell of being abused on to others. In the past there weren't the support systems we all benefit from in todays society. I think that somehow this is what people see as they look at us from the outside, old stories, scaring them to look at us differently. Because it did happen. All too often abuse has passed along generations of families.

You know and I know, that YOU, are a great father!! You have no control over what your ex and her BF are telling your son. But you have control over what you do as far as protecting him. YOu are showing how much you care. Keep up the good work.

peace and love, Shawn
 
Bill,

That you err on the side of caution is a wonderful thing. I wish MORE parents, teachers, administrators, relatives, etc. did so.

You are not a bad father. I wish my father had been more like you. You're trying to protect your son, which is a noble thing.

May I say a few words to his (expletive deleted) therapist? He sounds like a total (ditto!).

Peace and love, my brother. And DO correct this idiot!

Scot
 
First bill, I think it make sense that you are angry, to be called that. There is no way that you can be useless father. You are active in the life of your son, you are there to be father to him, and you do not do any harm to him. To me, that does not make you useless.

For your son to be harming an animal, that seems it is wrong thing to me. It does not seem to me that someone who does not have something wrong in their brain or their life will harm someone or something that is smaller, without defense of itself. I think that there is something that is putting stress at your son. I hope that he continues with therapist, and that it is therapist who is not jackass person. I wish you and he both good luck.

leosha
 
Talked to the T today,

It's all my fault for being SA.

He doesn't see any signs of SA to my son. :)

I'm imagining the flags I seen,

I have a faulty perception of all things because of the SA,

I only see evil becaus I was SA,

I am wrong for mentioning it,

My faulty perception made me hear him call me worthless as a father, he only said I have faulty perception that makes it hard for me to be a father,

I have been SA, therefore I will SA,

Taking him to a different therapist will only show that I am unstable and a bad father and I will have my parental rights removed from me,

I give my son too many hugs and show him too much affection,

If my son does get SA, it will be me, because I have been SA.

THE FUCKING IDIOT DON'T KNOW SHIT.

I'm caught between two good fuckings:
Fucked if I do right for my son: me : Really fucked if I don't.


Got good and fucked,
Bill
 
Bill,
I would seriously consider writing your thoughts out in a letter to the licensing agency that this therapist is licensed through. I think what they are saying is not the way to be a therapist. Just my opinion, but I personally think they need to know.

Don
 
Bill,

You may have mentioned it earlier and I missed it (if so I apologize) but is there a reason that you have to go to this T?

It sounds to me like he either doesn't have the faintest idea about survivor issues, or worse, is simply ignoring them.

It sounds to me like another T is called for, if for nothing else than a second opinon. Also, whomever issues licences in your state needs to have a serious look at this guy in my humble opinion.

There is nothing wrong with being vigilent in the protecting of your son, or with showing affection to your child. The hell with this guy.

Best of luck, hope my small rant helps.

Eric
 
It's Sunday afternoon, I just got a call from my T to see how things went Thursday. That is wonderful of my T, I went over how badly the session went and he talked of how I need to get out of the situation with my son's T. A lot to talk over tomorrow with my session with my T, don't know if there is enough time.

Thank you each and all.
Bill
 
Bill,

I cannot offer any advice...well advice that doesn't end in violence anyway...but I think it is great how much you love your son and everything that you do as a dad. I hope things work out with that hack of a T.
 
Bill,
I totally agree with YOUR therapist. You sound like you've got a good person in your corner. There are many good therapists in the world, and there are many looney tune ones! They all share the same title, so unfortunately you can't always tell them apart... I'm just thankful there are some very good ones out there!

Don
 
Holy shit Bill!!!

the saga continues.....

Roll with the punches my friend....

Keep up the good deeds as the protective father you are!!

Give your son as many hugs as you can fit in while he is with you :)

peace and love, shawn
 
Bill,

I hope it goes well with your T today and he has good solid suggestions on safely getting what you and your son need.

It sure does sound like the person seeing your son now is pretty clueless about sexual abuse and its repercussions in us. I think that is the generous way to look at what he's done so far.

Sending prayers your way today.

Joe
 
Thanks Joe,

Just got back from the T a little while ago. He said to come home and go to MS, that I need this place and he is disappointed that the chatroom may be closing.

He said that I should in no way go see that man that has a worn out 1970's veiw on SA victims, my son's T. The reason for going there was to assure that my son was safe, not for him to attack his father for being a victim of sexual assualt and abuse. That T has made his determination that my son has not be SA. This is good news.

We also talked about the possiblity of me checking into the hospital. This dealing with my son's T and the waking of the memories of the blocked out summer when I was 11 are getting to be to much for me. I am stumbling, shaking and stuttering. I don't know how much longer I can keep up.

Thank you, each and everyone of you,
Bill
 
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