*Triggers Possible* How can I properly deal with creepy messages/comments?

[Hollow]

I sometimes open up about the molestation I went through by my mom in less safe spaces, than here and get creepy messages/comments from strangers.

I specifically open up about my molestation experiences on victims/survivors of sexual abuse support subreddits on the website/app called "Reddit."

I get A LOT of helpful responses there, but also A LOT of creepy responses.

You might ask me, why I still open up about my experiences on there, if I OFTEN get creepy messages/comments on there.

It's because I still want to get help from the helpful people on there. Even if by opening up on there. I sadly also need to accept dealing with A LOT OF CREEPS too, instead of helpful people.

Also there's A LOT OF PEOPLE on there, so that's another reason why. Because I want to get help from as many people as possible.

I OFTEN can't deal with the creepy messages/comments I get.

I get creepy messages/comments like these:

Conversation with a creep I had:

Creep: "Hey Maybe she just had a few weak moments Is is that bad?"

Me: "In what way, do you mean a few weak moments?"

Creep: "She saw a young virile penis and her needs went out of her control"

Me: "So do you want to say with that, that I should forgive her?"

Creep: "Yes ofcourse She has needs too"

Me: "Okay so you're saying that I should forgive her, because she can't take her hands off of a 9 year old child, who is her son?"

Creep: "It was just a few times And she just had momentary weakness Think about how much she must be controlling If that's all what she did"

Another conversation with a creep I had:

Creep: "Hello I like your story of your mother"

Me: "What do you mean by that?"

Creep: "I like mother and son stories especially where the mother makes the son feel good. Can I please hear more of your stories?"

Here's a comment from a creep I got:

Creep: "Dm me a pic of your mom lets see if the boobs and ass are true"

Context: My mom infront of me once talked about, how big her ass and boobs are. That made this creep curious about her, even if it was me opening up about something INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE my mom did to me.

Another comment from a creep:

Creep: "I don't know.. but I guessed your mother is being practical and bold, openly minded with you.. she wants you to be man and wanted you to learn those things early so you won't get dumped by any woman you'll be met.. that's her act teaching you.. she might be wrong.. but she's just open.. liberated.. bold.. practically teaching in her own ways.. be open with her so she'll know if her son is independent about sexual thingy"

What I want to ask is, how can I deal with such messages/comments? Because I wish these things wouldn't affect me much, if even at all.

Because in the end I just want to get help in spaces, where many people are around. Which means also A LOT of helpful people are around on there.

Should I just completely quit getting some help from spaces like "Reddit" and only get help from safe spaces like here?

I would like to know the answers to these questions.

I hope i'm not bothering anyone by asking this on here!

Please tell me, if I wrote down anything that's wrong, inappropriate, hurtful or incoherent.

 

[WeDeservedBetter]

The simple answer may not feel easy. Ultimately, you have to make the choice in which conversations you choose to engage with. Unfortunately, you have no control in how someone chooses to respond. People can be even more inconsiderate of others on the internet. It sounds like these responses are about their own stuff as opposed to being supportive of you and what you are sharing.
You aren't bothering anyone on here. You haven't written anything hurtful, inappropriate, or incoherent. Even on this site, others may not respond in the way we would like at times. I can't speak to reddit, but from experience on MS, most everyone seems to be supportive while navigating very difficult experiences, also while imperfect.
I would focus and engage in the conversations you find helpful and ignore the rest.
Sending you all the support you deserve and wish you nothing but the best. Take care.

 

[Hollow]

@WeDeservedBetter That's true. I have to make the choice, in which conversations I want to engage with. Yeah, I sadly have no control over, how others respond to me opening up about the molestation I went through.

Sadly I also have creeps, which aren't as easy to detect, as the ones i've just shown you. I've gotten into long conversations with creeps before. The creeps weren't immediately creepy, but insted slowly build up their creepiness. I only noticed their creepiness, when they went completely insane with something they said/wrote down. What I mean by that is, that they said/wrote down something completely inexcusable.

Those people's responses definitely aren't focused on supporting me. Some creepy responses I get are clearly from people wanting to get some sort of sexual gratification.

IT'S FANTASTIC to know, that I wrote down nothing that's hurtful, inappropriate or incoherent and also that I haven't bothered anyone.

It's true that even on this site, which is relatively safe people might not respond in a good way or a way we'd like.

I will try to just engage in conversations, that seem helpful and ignore the rest. Thank you for giving me advice!

Thank you for your helpful, supportive and compassionate reply! It REALLY means A LOT to me.

I hope, you have a great day and I wish you all the best! <3

Please also tell me again, if I wrote down something that's wrong, inappropriate, hurtful or incoherent.

 

[WeDeservedBetter]

I'm glad you found my response helpful. Even if a conversation starts out one way, try to keep in mind YOU have every right to end it for ANY reason at ANY time. Of course, it still sucks when others aren't considerate. You said nothing inappropriate at all. Again, best wishes.

 

[bluesteel]

I would highly suggest that you do not share these feelings on Reddit. While Reddit is a popular site, there are too many people on there without good intentions and it has gotten out of hand. Reddit is a very toxic community, even if there are some good eggs.

 

[Georgie]

I'd stop the Reddit visits. Even if you get support, you get the creeps, too. You'll find no creeps here. I wonder if those comments defending your mother would also be given to you if a man had molested you.

 

[Hollow]

I'm glad you found my response helpful. Even if a conversation starts out one way, try to keep in mind YOU have every right to end it for ANY reason at ANY time. Of course, it still sucks when others aren't considerate. You said nothing inappropriate at all. Again, best wishes.

I often feel awful for ending conversations for any reason. Because the other person expects me to reply and I always think i'm an awful person, if I just stop replying. It makes me feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY.

Also thank you for giving me your best wishes and telling me I wrote down/said nothing inappropriate at all!

I hope, you have a great day and I also wish you all the best! <3

 

[Hollow]

I would highly suggest that you do not share these feelings on Reddit. While Reddit is a popular site, there are too many people on there without good intentions and it has gotten out of hand. Reddit is a very toxic community, even if there are some good eggs.

I will try to stop sharing such sensitive stuff on Reddit, even if it's difficult for me. There are definitely some good eggs on Reddit, but from my experience there are also many creeps.

 

[Hollow]

I'd stop the Reddit visits. Even if you get support, you get the creeps, too. You'll find no creeps here. I wonder if those comments defending your mother would also be given to you if a man had molested you.

I will try to stop sharing such sensitive stuff on Reddit, even if it's difficult for me. It's great to know, that I will find no creeps here!

Also I think I would have still almost certainly dealt with other types of creeps, if a man had molested me. They would have almost certainly acted differently, but they would have still hurt me A LOT.

Sadly on support for victims/survivors of sexual abuse subreddits there are an ENDLESS AMOUNT of creeps. It's gotten to the point every victim/survivor gets advised to close off their DM's, because of how much of a "pandemic" it is. The creeps sometimes even publically comment their creepy shit, like they sometimes did in my case. The moderators were quick to remove the comments of such creeps in my case, but it's still EXTREMELY DISTURBING, that it has become such a HUGE PROBLEM for such vulnerable communities.

I wish the world would just be a WAY BETTER PLACE!

 

[bluesteel]

Reddit is also a popular social networking site and not designed for these functions. Just so you re aware, by posting these stories on reddit you are actually violating their terms and conditions, they sometimes ban people for that. You can use reddit, but not for these purposes.

 

[TryingToHealToo]

@Hollow I understand what you’ve encountered. I made the mistake of sharing some semi-graphic details on one of the SA Reddit’s last year. I got a couple supportive responses, but the rest were just awful. Like you my abuser was my mom, and the creeps all wanted to know more, obviously to get off on it. I ignored almost all. There was even a response from a woman (supposedly, who can tell for sure) that wanted graphic details so she could “role play with her boyfriend”. I exchanged a few messages with her, but it became obvious there wasn’t a boyfriend and she(he?) was just using the exchange to get worked up. Then there were the actively hostile responses, the ones that made suggestions of what I “should have” done that were really disgusting, or called me names. And the most objectionable were a couple that said if I’d just accept Jesus my sins would be forgiven and my trauma would vanish or some such BS. Because of course *I* was the one doing something wrong and needed to be forgiven. (Post was partly about the shame that goes with asking your mother for sex the way she had trained me to do after she’d been masturbating me for years, and decided puberty had finally made me useful to her) I abandoned that ID, Reddit and any similar.

I’m still on reddit, but with a couple other accounts and don’t go near the more controversial sub reddits. I did get some good info there on dealing with my medical condition. It’s not ALL bad.

 

[Jack1]

What little experience I have with Reddit revealed a creep to normal ratio that was at least 3-1. I think it was also on the victims/survivors of sexual abuse support subreddits but it's been a while so maybe not.

 

[svf]

i say this in the full understanding that it seems a simple thing but trust me it is effective
and it doesn't just apply to creepy

i am very old and i have been engaging with people over computers on a daily basis from about 1984,
around about the time dinosaurs were roaming the earth

my wife and i made a decsion very early on
do not engage with creepy, unreasonable, angry, or stupid people.
We don't do it in real life, why do it online.

You can delete, block or ignore ... or all three.

to help us with this we have little phrases to mutter to ourselves;

1. Nope i don't think so, clearly an idiot.

2. Just pixels on a screen, no relevance to me whatsoever.

3. fuck off

i hope this helps.