How are pedophiles made?

How are pedophiles made?
J

Johnny

Registrant
Are they born that way? With thoes desires?

My ex-best best friend who I fould out is a pedophile was abused by his dad. He told me his dad abused everyone in his family... and he plans to abuse his kids should ever he have any... I pray he never does... but the sick thing is... he LOVES his dad very much! and they get along great! and he's sad his dad dosen't desire him that way anymore. I'm still trying to make sense of that. Have you ever heard of that?

Is that how pedophilia gets perpetuated?

And eventhough... part of me is disgusted and disturbed by what my ex-best friend told me... I feel sorry for him. I can't imagine what it must be like to have a parent do that to you. How that just messed him up so bad. Is there hope for him? I want to help him but... can he be helped? I'm still trying to forget about him but it seems like every day... there's a reminder. Like today Oprah did a show about the child sex trade and I thought... there are hundreds of thousands of men who desire children sexually... how did they get that way? Where they all abused as children? What does the research show?

Anyone know?
 
Johnny,

NO, NO and NO. While many pedophiles have been abused, MOST abused men do NOT become pedophiles. They love children and will do everything within their power to protect them from the horrors that they themselves have been through. Reading many of the posts here, I've found that the desire to protect a child is what finally precipitated the survivor to deal with his own abuse. So again NO.

As for whether a pedophile is made or born, I don't know nor quite frankly do I care. I know you are concerned with your friend and that's admirable, but unless and until he is prepared to deal with what he went through and not to inflict that pain on another innocent child I don't see how you can do anything.

Both this post and your previous post show the pain you are in for the loss of a friend. I'm sorry for you. But if this man has already or intends to harm a child in the same way that he was harmed then he is toxic to your life and the lives of countless others. He may already be a criminal, from what you write, he certainly intends to be. TOXIC to you, TOXIC to society and DANGEROUS to children.

He went through hell; he probably still is in hell, but if he harms a child, he will surely reside there for the rest of his life and beyond. Quite frankly if that's the case, then it's where he belongs.

Trish
 
Johnny:
You may want to call StopItNow! (1 888 PREVENT) to discuss how you might be able to help your ex-friend. If you do not want further contact with him, perhaps pass on the number to him and urge him to call.

The price to pay for acting on these beliefs or feelings (aside from the horrendous cost to the child and others concerned for the child) is a lot of grief and notoriety. Megan's Law and jail (or even probation, should he be so fortunate) is no picnic these days.

While you can't go to jail for thoughts, every sexual offender I've ever worked with (2000+ in over 25 years) has thought about it before doing it.

Pedophiles are made, not born. And as Trish has said, you don't become an abuser because you were abused. It is a number of factors too numerous to mention here.

Ken
 
Johnny,

Like Ken said, there's too many reasons to list WHY people are attracted to children. Just like there are too many reasons to list why some folks are attracted to the same or opposite sex, or like straight sex to kinky, or lingerie to shoes.

The sad truth is that how some people CROSS beyond the line of simple desire to action is the more important thing. Why? Because some folks THINK about certain acts and are TURNED ON by certain things, but never act on them. Happens all the time when such things are considered okay between adults.

I do believe, as I've started coming to my own conclusions as to why these people cross the line, is power. I used to think of this in an abstract way until I read a book in the library, "Conversations With a Pedophile." It's not an easy read. In fact, it's downright disturbing. However, it DID give me information from the horse's mouth, as it were, from an abuser himself. The thing that makes folks act on evil impulses have not so much to do with sex, although we can't remove sex from the crime, but with the "rush," the "thrill," the abuser gets from getting the victim to perform things they don't want to do.

Now, most of us are wired to refuse to do something we know is wrong. Tick us off all we want, but the vast majority of humans will not lash out in a rage to hurt or kill what angers us. The same thing applies to our sexual natures. We may LIKE violent sex, fantasize about it, etc., but we'll never cross the line to become rapist, nor do we really want to be raped. But, just like the alcoholic or drug addict, an abuser isn't wired like most people. They CRAVE the rush and will do ANYTHING to get it, even if it means hurting people.

Sad, isn't it?

I hope this gives you some insight.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
I sometimes scan the latest professional articles via "Medline" (I use PubMed). Interesting to see there is ongoing research. The distain that many therapists have for perps shines through the articles.

They lie to their T's, lie to themselves and are
to quick to claim CSA. There is little funding as I read over the latest material. I suspect that the really "good" (at molesting) perps are seldom caught or weasel out with a lesser sentence.
out of the court system.

I read the state register sometimes; overall they are unkept, ugly and worse. I do not see that any
are any good at much. They inflict harm, emotional and physical. Violence is allied to all they do
and accomplish. Same as why when a perp robs a store and he shoots the unarmed clerk: a power trip from a "moral moron".

J.
 
Hey Scot,

Your post was very insightful. I'm going to find that book. I just want to understand. The thing of it is... this guy was MY BEST FRIEND... and my lover... we shared SO MUCH before I found out about the pedophile stuff... he had girlfriends... he was smart and funny and likeable. I think it is about control... 'cause I went snooping on his labtop and I found a lot of "rape" porn... and even a snuff film clip... and it left me aghast. How can my best friend be into this? I thought... how can I not even know this person I would have SWORN I knew? Now I'm messed up. Every time I look at a little child I think of him. I want to run up to the kid's mother and warn her that there are crazey F-ed up people in the world looking to harm kids... BE CAREFUL. WIll I ever forget him? I wish I never met him. I wish I didn't know what I knew. At 31 years old... I feel abused and coruppted for ever liking someone like that... and I start asking myself... what the heck could be wrong with me to even be attracted to someone like that? I feel dirty. I WISH I NEVER MET HIM.
 
Johnny,

So far as I know, rape porn and certainly snuff clips are entirely illegal. This isn't a matter of hearsay anymore. I hope you will report the guy and do it immediately! This is big-time felony.

Don't beat on yourself because you know him. The vilest criminals can put on the sweetest faces for the benefit of the world.

Take care,
Larry
 
Johnny - You have received numerous responses to both of your posts here. Many have suggested you report this person to authorities and let them take it from there, or contact StopItNow. You have not commented on either of these suggestions and I'm wondering whether or not you have acted on them, and if not, why not??

I believe you have a moral obligation and, possibly, a legal obligation to put a stop to this man and his intended (if not already acted upon) impulses. You are in a difficult situation, but you are a grown man who is able to seek the help you need if you are traumatized by this. A potential child-victim would not be so fortunate.

Please do what you know is the right thing to do. You can't, obviously, run up to a child's mother in the street and warn her to protect her kids. But you can protect, potentially, hundreds of children by taking the advice you have been given. DO SOMETHING!! - John
 
Johnny,

I dont know much about the law but if what Larry says you would be doing your ex-friend and any potential victims a favour by reporting him. From what you say he is probably at very high risk of abusing.

Apart from the abusers in my own family I have known a few other child abusers in my adult life through the work I do. When I was at 19 I volunteered to be a prison visitor, they matched up volunteers with prisoners who had no visitors, I visited a man whose offences were as bad as it gets without actually killing a child, I didnt really know much about his convictions when I used to see him (my own denial back then was part of the not wanting to know). He was charming funny, intelligent and from everything I could see there was nothing unusual about him. I actually liked his company, he read a lot and we would suggest novels to each other and talk about them, he would tell me about other prisoners and prison officers and be very entertaining in his stories. The others I have come across through my work, have all been pretty average seeming guys too, there is no way to spot a paedophile. My dad is very normal looking and there is no way anyone who didnt know would suspect that he is a child abuser.

There is nothing wrong with you for being the friend of someone you liked; there was no way to know who he really was. It doesnt make you dirty no more than it makes me dirty to have wanted love from my dad or to have loved the other abuser in my family. Its more comfortable to think of paedophiles as monsters that are all bad but on the surface they look and act much the same as the rest of humanity. They can be married to someone for years without their partner ever knowing. Your friendship and feelings for this man dont in any way mean that there is anything wrong with you.

Peter.

P.S I talked to stopitnow here in the UK about my concerns that my dad may still be abusing and they were very helpful.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top