Hospital Visit and Friends

Hospital Visit and Friends
H

hdan

Registrant
I had to check myself into a mental health hospital last November because I just couldn't deal with it anymore. I was overcome with my past abuse, family, work, church, etc. I didn't want to go on.

Now, I am doing better, but some people still treat me differently since I went to one of "those" hospitals and dealt with "those" issues. One person I thought was supportive dropped our friendship almost immediately to my surprise (he was even on the church staff). I know not to let this kind of stuff bother me, but it does hurt when I think about it. Sometimes I regret having shared any of my troubles with anyone.

Going to the hospital was the best thing that I ever did so I do not regret it. I do, however, think some people now view me as "different". I have to struggle with feeling like less of a person sometimes. :(

Heath
 
Heath; You are not "one of those people". You are just a guy trying to deal with the horror of abuse. Just like we all are.

Unfortunately there are some who you thought were good friends are in fact not. A good friend is someone who is there in the bad times as well as the good times. It is his loss and not yours so do not dwell on it. It could also be that he has issues himself and has built a wall around himself or herself for protection.

Either way you are on this road with us. To understand the effects of SA you have to experience it and I would not wish that on anyone. We have all been there and we will heal together
 
Good for you to realize that you needed help, and reached out for it!!

Too often people don't...you have nothing to feel bad about. When people treat you differently, that is their emotions and feeling, not yours. Let them own them. We can't afford to stumble through life trying to make people like us. They will or they won't FULL STOP!! Nothing we can do about it. I've struggled with this in my not too distant past,( and I'm sure I will again) but be strong. You have alot of support here. When someone who was a friend isn't able to be there for you, that is were they are at this time in their life. Maybe sometime they will be back in your life, maybe not. Only time will tell.

Hang in there, and look for the people who have the abilty to help,(like the guys here) ask, and you will receive.

shawn
 
Heath,

I didn't say anything to anybody about what happened to me for 38 years because I didn't want to be 'one of those people'. It was BS. My seeking help in dealing with my problems was the best thing that I ever did. It made me a better person, a better husband and a better father. Sure there were people that grew distant but maybe they were just insecure themselves and didn't want to face the reality that this happens to outwardly 'normal' guys. I am a different person now than I was just six short years ago but I like myself much better now than then. In the end the only person we have to live with is ourself so we'd better be comfortable with that.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
Heath -

This past November I ended up in a psych ward for a failed suicide attempt. I wish I had the foresight that you had to check myself into it voluntarily rather than trying to check out. I know the fear of that stigma, and I am ashamed to say that I have hid my attempt and subsequent hospitalization from most of my friends, family, and co-workers. I wish I had the guts to tell them as you did, so that there wasn't this fear that someone was going to find out, hiding the scars, etc.

I am sorry that you are dealing with the closed minds of people you though were supportive of you. We are all here as a support system for you... it has been said already, but everyone here understands what you are going through and applauds your desire to heal yourself in order to better yourself.

People don't like to admit that this shit happens, especially to boys. Most people just want you to shut up and never bring it up so they don't have to face it and deal with their own feelings about it.

You are brave and admired to have pushed through that bullshit and now trying to heal.

-Sean
 
Heath,

When I was 18 I entered a hospital for extreme depression and suicidal thoughts. I didn't let it help me back then. I wasn't anywhere near ready to deal with things. It took courage and strength to check yourself in to seek help.

That same courage and strength will serve you well. I know what you mean about people viewing you different. I lost some friends that were not very close back then. Word got around quickly that I was there and rumors spread as to the reasons. It was tough. But the most important thing is that the experience at the hospital if nothing else stopped me from ending things. It saved my life, and if people looked at me differently, well at least I was alive.

In time I think people will not look at you as different, they will forget that you were there, and will see you for who you are. Someone who obviously has a good deal of courage. Good luck to you.
 
Thanks everyone for your kind words and insight. It was the best thing that I ever did so I have no regrets.

It was one of the scariest things that I've ever done also. They take anything away from you that could be used to cause harm to yourself or others like shoe strings, belts, jackets with tie strings, anything with electrical cords, etc. It kind of feels like your person privacy is being violated, but I understand why they do it.

Laying there in that bed the first night (I had checked in at 1am), I was thinking what have I done. I had joked with my wife (almost not a joke) by reminding her to come check me out soon.

I went to a hospital in Dallas that deals with MPD (multiple personality disorders). I did not have MPD, but I had dissociated totally from the trauma memories. I learned in the hospital that MPD is caused by severe trauma to a child generally under 7 years old. The brain creates a new personality, much like a partition on a computer hard drive, to hold the trauma. If the brain did not do this, most likely the child would die either through suicide or some other means. Wow! I never knew that. It changed my outlook on people with MPD completely. These people had been hurt beyond almost anything that we can imagine.

Anyhow, thanks for your support, and I appreciate you all sharing your experiences with me.
 
Its important for me to remember that things like disassociation (which I still do to varying degrees) and suicidal ideation are coping mechanisms. I started that when I was a really little kid.

I was hospitalized after an attempt when I was 17. I started out in a locked ward with bars on the windows and all that. I was in with people of all ages and diagnoses which was very weird. Treatments were pretty rudimentary at that time (never thought I'd live long enough to be able to talk like an "old-timer.")

I was then transferred to a unit for adolescents only. Still no treatment for CSA. Its like they didn't even know it existed then which is absurd, of course.

They later tore that place down and replaced it with a parking lot. There were so many really horrible stories coming out of there that they wanted to forget all about it. Didn't fit with the Mayo Clinic's image, I guess.

For instance, there was a padded cell there that they put kids in when they were acting out. I even saw a straight jacket used once. That was a real deterent or rather encouragement for suppressing feelings that were considered inappropriate.

So its always good to for me to hear about the good experiences that people have. I'm glad that it was good for you. I know its hard when others think its weird that you get treatment for an illness you have. Its like stigmatizing chemo treatments for cancer. But that's them. A lot of people lack compassion and understanding.
 
Heath ...I have friends that are good to me after initially learning of my "predicament" (that sounds a bit too nice of an explanation)2 years ago. One does every thing in his power to make sure I am OK, another telephones me frequently to suss if I'm OK and will talk to me about it if I'm not. Another telephones me to suss if I'm OK but doesn't ever refer directly to being OK in relation to the abuse scenario (he cannot stand the thought that things like that happen).

These were the only people I told 2 years ago (after 32 years of saying nothing).

Now their wives know and so do many others (December 2004). Different people react in different ways - we have to allow them that.

You say that you sometimes feel like less of a person at times.... you are obviously more of a person (it comes across in what you say), some people just don't know how to deal with the new you.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Heath,

When you think that there are a LOT of people out there, folks you talk to, work with, etc., who take medication and go to counseling for depression, anxiety, psychotic disorders, and so on, and you NEVER KNOW about it, there's really nothing all that unusual about having psychiactric treatment.

How do I know this? One of the top selling catagories in the prescription drug industry is psychoactive drugs. I'm still waiting for Prozac to become over the counter! :D

I've been to emergency rooms for extreme depression, outpatient programs for depression, counseling, therapy, and you know what? 90% of the people I tell understand completely. They're still my friends, they're still my family, they're still my loved ones and they accept me for WHO I am, not WHAT I'M STRUGGLING WITH! You find that with most people who know you.

And the other 10%? F**k 'em. Do you really want those judgmental (expletive REALLY deleted! :D )s in your life? I don't think so.

You're doing what you need to do, and those who know applaud you for it. Really, getting help isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength and hope.

Please keep in mind what everyone here is saying. You're working on being whole. How many of the "normal" people can say that?

Peace and love, my brother.

Scot
 
Scot
And the other 10%? F**k 'em. Do you really want those judgmental (expletive REALLY deleted! [Big Grin] )s in your life? I don't think so.
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I couldn't have said it better myself !

If they can't deal with me anymore ? I'm outta here :rolleyes:

Dave
 
Heath,

Welcome back to here. I am glad that you done what you needed to do to keep yourself safe, and to be treated as you deserved. Any friend who does not wish you to do what best for you is not true friend. You deserve much better. I wish you well, always.

Leosha
 
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