Hope is painful and angering

[Hauser]

It leads one to believe that recovery is a matter of choice. It leads one to believe that if he follows a set guideline of how to "recover", that it will happen because he had the "courage" to do it.

Well, I've displayed that "courage" and I've tried to do the right things to recover and I have nothing to show for all my efforts in the one year's time since I've "disclosed" and "talked about" what happened to me as a boy. ............................................................

You know what? I was just struck with a thought that I got from reading a reply to one of my previous posts.

I have no idea who I am. I have no idea what I should do. I have no idea what I'm good at. I have have no idea what makes me worthwhile. I have no clue what I should be doing with my life.

Everything I've tried to do to improve myself led me to failure, everytime, without exception. It's like synchronized clockwork; Try/fail try/fail try/fail try/fail.

When do I find purpose? When will I know what I was meant to do? I don't FEEL like I'm LOST because I've TRIED to plot my paths and make certain decisions to aim myself in the right direction. But reality states that I have failed in my life and in my society.

I'm the least qualified candidate to manage my life, anyone else would have done a better job.

 

[froggy12]

Hauser,
There is no one way for something to be right. What's right is what works for you, not someone's dictate. You have to nose about, checking things out and beware of those who say "Only I have the truth." If you hear it, run like hell. Prophets and gurus make me nervous.
Sometime's is better to believe in the maybe vs the absolute truth. If the truth is false I become devestated. If I say maybe, I say to myself, maybe it will work, maybe it won't and I save my ass...for the moment.

Froggy12 just a pondering the what is.

 

[endlessjourney]

Hauser,

I know how hard it is to find ourselves. There is no written book about who we are supposed to be or where we will end up. You may not feel the same about this right now but that is the beauty of it. Finding out who we truly are and making decisions 'one at a time' is what recovery is about. We learn to think for ourselves and be what we 'can' be, not we 'should' be. My therapist told me that. The first two years of my recovery were the most confusing for me.

Sometimes you have to walk away from the issue and take a break. Some times you have to feel the pain, and sometimes you have to face what you're affraid of. I believe these challenges are here before us to show who we truly are. Alas, in hindsight, we can look at the past and say, "I'm damn proud of who I am and what I've done". We don't usually realize how far we've come until we look to the very beginning days of our recovery and realize how much stronger we are and how much better things are. You are going through a very hard stage of recovery right now. Its tough but this will let you know how strong you really are. If you can survive it now, you can survive anything. Your doing just fine. Keep trying. These things take a long time.

Answers will come, and when your confused about somethings and answers aren't there, its good to put it off and wait for those answers. They will all be revealed to you in due time. Much love to you my friend. Keep your head up.

The truth will set us free!
Jason