Hope and confidence

[reality2k4]

When I was a young kid, I hoped that things would get better than the real hurt that hit me, it must do I thought!

I wished my childhood away, just to be bigger and stronger, and to be able to fight anyone who came my way.

Putting all the emotions into some sort of hibernation and living in the present was all I could hope to achieve.
And I guess I got pretty good at it, maybe got it down to a fine art.

I guess like all the other older guys, I beat myself up, for not reaching out for help in my teens, I so wish I could have found somebody to lead me into seeking that help.

It would have felt so embarrassing to even think of asking for help off a doc, but that is what they are there for, to listen and get help I suppose.

I got into some memories of childhood of about 13yo, and they were pretty horrific to me to face.
I closed the memories down, but I guess just remembering them was enough to freak me out.

I think it was a time of being emotionally and physically bullied, on the outside and inside of my home, which should have been safe, but nowhere was safe, nothing was, nothing in his life.

I guess I am not so good at writing stuff, but at that time, I had nobody to really relate to, except a few friends who never judged me, and stuck by me, even when I told them not to be there.

There was no way out, there really wasnt, it was just a living nightmare, but so far from the abuse I see in this place, so I guess it is just a whine, when I read what other guys had to put up with.

Even when I feel like giving up, I guess I find the strenth to carry on, even if I am not a survivor, but who should I be,

ste

 

[John Oarc]

You are you and that is a lot, your post help others and that means you are a contributing member of society. I know what you are talking about and that means you are not alone. The fact that we are hear talking on this site is amazing to me, we are supporting our brothers, you are a member of an elite group of fighters, survivors, victims what ever society labels it. I say elite because it takes a hell of a man to talk about this stuff and that means you are a hell of a man.

 

[roadrunner]

Ste,

Sometimes it is down to finding the strength for one more day. And then another. And then another. You have endured a lot my friend. We all know that and we are here for you.

Much love,
Larry