Honoring the straight guys here

Honoring the straight guys here
S

ShyBear

Registrant
I get it that there are gay guys & bi guys & straight guys - I get it and that's cool. Be what you are, and to HELL with any social or religious filth-with-an-agenda that tells you to be anything other than true to you self.

I'm gay.

And I am not sexually interested in straight men (bi guys leave me confused). When I want a partner - for sex, or an affair, or romance, or a lifetime - I want one that wants me in the same way I want him. Straight men want women that way, so why *would* I be interested.

Like I said, I'm gay and it took me *forever* to sort that out from what was done to me at age 11. Yes, what he did was fuck me in the ass, but what he did was NOT gay - it was evil, predatory, manipulative, corrupt, carried out by a twisted monster consumed with power, control, domination - god damned sick son-of-a-bitch - I hope you are writhing in agony, in hell - you certainly deserve it.

Sorry, got side-tracked. Still a lot of rage ...

I have never ever felt safe around straight guys because you all seem so totally bent on crushing out any emotion in yourseleves, any tenderness, any honesty / openess about matters of the heart. And the Gods forbid, any *weakness* or *powerlessness* !!! I have been afraid of you because you shame me because I am emotional, and honest, and tender & compassionate and I know to my core that I am weak and powerless. (Or am I ? Have to look at this some more ...)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is this : By being gay, I sort of have a permanent "Get Out of Jail Free" card when it comes to emotions - all faggots are *expected* to be big emotional train wrecks all the time, right ? But you poor straight guys - I just don't get how you do it, how you survive.

And then, I came to MaleSurvivor and the straights guys here (as well as the gay ones & bi ones, but that's not who I'm focusing on right now ...) are just pouring it out and are gut-wrenching honest and real and caring and ... and I just want to say thank you and tell you that twisted idea in your head that being a "man" means being a robot is just so FULL OF SHIT because what you guys do here is REAL manhood.

Real.

Scarecrow *does* have brains. Cowardly Lion *does* have courage and most of all, Tin Man *does* have a heart. And I feel safe with my fellow travelers on this road back home - to "Kansas", where-ever that is - there's no place like home, whatever that is.

And maybe, just maybe - I can start believing that I'm a man, too. A man who just happens to love men-who-love-men. But a man nevertheless, worthy of respect from *all* men, regardless of who they love.
 
ShyBear,

and I just want to say thank you and tell you that twisted idea in your head that being a "man" means being a robot is just so FULL OF SHIT because what you guys do here is REAL manhood.
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I've never had that twisted idea in my head. But I get your message. My own experience is that secure 'straight' guys are communicative, sensitive and emotional once you get to know them. Peace, Andrew
 
We all need to throw out the stereotypes!

I have never fit into any of them and don't plan on it now. Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with the abuse that happened. You are right that it is an evil act. Just like any woman that gets raped. It is not sexual or loving, even though NAMBLA would argue about that.

The fact is that this is one place where we can all come together in peace and security. Most of the time I just read and get amazed by some of the stories and the strength of character others have shown.

I am thankful that we all have such a place, and don't care whether you are homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, or asexual. This is the one place that we can be accepted, because the only people that can understand are here, not out there somewhere.

Sounds kinda disjointed, so I guess I had better stop before I confuse myself!

We are here because this is where we need to be.
 
((((((ShyBear))))))

That was beautiful. That is another thing I like about this place, nobody gets bent out of shape about who you are, who you love, how you feel about God...

I'm glad you discovered this too.

Hugs all around.
 
As a 'straight' man (straight, but emotionally and physically often confused) I thank you for your honor. I agree with all who have said we should get rid of sterotypes. I have spent most of my life in a performing art that many people will generalize any male involved is gay. I am not. But it does not matter. People will think what they want.

An adult male who has been abused by a man as a child may worry it 'makes' him gay. Nothing makes us gay but birth, in my mind. An adult male abused as an adult still is not 'made' gay by that action. There is lot of stupid thoughts on things.

Your words, Shybear, are very kind and wonderful, not only to the 'straight' men here, but to all survivors here. Thank you much.

Leosha
 
Shybear,

Thank you for the great post, and I am sorry that you have spent any time feeling afraid of those "robots" that are the stereotypical straight men. I agree that I wish there was some way that all stereotypes could be thrown out, unfortunately this doesnt seem to be able to get through to all of society. I am a straight man, though often very confused (hence the name :) ) but this is what I feel that I personally can relate to most closely... anyway, I went through a long time in my life where I thought that being a "real man" meant pushing away all possible emotions as far as I could. I thought I had to be 'rough and tough' and have he ability to shake things off, and not care, adn not cry... the more I look back on my life, them more I realize that I realy lost alot of myself during those times. I was not able to fully embrace who I was, because I was too occupied with pushing everything away. I am so much happier with myself, and my life now that I am able to realize that emotions are not bad things, and crying doesnt mean I am feminine... I am slowly becoming more able to accept myslf, nd accept the emotions I feel, and along with that I also notice that I am growing ever closer with my girlfriend. I realize that WOW she not turned off by the fact that I'm not a brick wall, ironman!!! :)

either way i feel like i'm drifting away from the topic here, so to get back ,i want to say thanks for the kind words, however whether we are straight, bi, gay, or whatever, we at MS are all among the strongest, most manliest men on earth. I've realized that it really takes a true "man" to allow oneself to get in touch with his emotions, and to truely "feel." So I second the notion that despite your sexual orientation we should all just be what we are, and in doing so we only will continue to affirm our true manhood.

peace,

cpt.
 
ShyBear, I dont care what sexual orientation anybody is, as long as you can just be let to live in your own way. I dont hold any prejudice on sexuality issue or religion.

I went through a similar experience at the same age, and yes, he was not gay, and yes he will be nice and warm where he is now.

The child in me can still smile, he can still give the little boy cheeky grin. He is sometimes mocked for being of gentle mind, but the mockers are so jealous of what he can achieve.

He can kick ass if he needs to, but he shys away from trouble.

Thanks for being so honest, :)

ste
 
Bear,

thanks for your comments. I have no problem showing my emotions around others, and I'm not gay. I'm not sure what I am sometimes to be honest with you - more like in limbo. There is one emotion I don't like showing, the one most people fear - rage. I have plenty of it to spare too. But I have no problem crying around people, especially friends in my support group. It's just what I'm used to. In my view of things, if another man can cry in my immediatep presence, he has really opened up to me.

tex
 
Shybear,
I appreciated reading your post. It did make me have to look at myself though. I am not gay but I don't know what I am. I feel like I am sexless. I want to write more about what I am feeling but i can't, not now. just writing this, just getting out the line that I feel sexless is more then i thouight I could do.
 
Great post! I am straight. Those stereotypes do need to disappear. However this whole thing is thrust upon men (all men regardless of sexual orientation) somewhat to not express their feelings IMO.

When there is a gender neutral board discussing childhhod abuse, men don't seem to be able to get a word in edgewise. Mileage varies here though re: self-absorbed emotionally needy chicks. To me there is a bit of that in every woman though.

Because gay men are in relationships with other gay men, they give each other space to express themselves emotionally from what I have noticed. That affords them emotional health that some straight men find difficulty achieving.

I personally think the stereotypes develop less because who we want to have sex with or the hormonal soup coursing through our blood and more how we spend time in our relationships.

That's my take anyway.

Originally posted by Leosha:
An adult male who has been abused by a man as a child may worry it 'makes' him gay.
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I always was worried about this but was too afraid voicing it would offend someone. It's relieving to hear that reaction is not completely abnormal.
 
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