Homophobia - possible triggers
Hi all
I hope people will be able to offer a perspective on this.
My partner, who is a male survivor, fell into compulsive anonomous sex with men from about the age of 16. He was sexually abused by a man when he was aged about 8 for about a year.
He has been healing for just over a year now and made some trully amazing progress with the help of a fantastic T. I trust that he no longer acts out.
For 20 years he has has had sex periodically with men and not understood why because he never wnated or had any romantic involvement. It was limited to very specific quick encounters in public toilets.
He now truly believes that he was acting out in an effort to make sense of the abuse that happened to him as a child and is getting over the horror of, in his words "perpetuating the abuse for all these years". He feels as though he was at least used if not abused again as a teenager.
The issue that I stuggle with is that he seems to have built up an association between homosexuality and abuse.
This is soo unlike him in any other aspect. His politics are leftwing and he is antibigotry in all other ways.
He says that he just needs time to come to terms with what "happened" to him and will relax about homosexuality in good time. He freely admits he sought out the encounters and in that respect was a willing participant.
I understand that and it makes sense to me but the mistrust of gay men, particularly those who are "on the scene" as apposed to in a relationship" shows no signs of abating. He says he is deeply triggered by how the gay commmunity "celebrate" acting out. (We have gay friends who joke about and enjoy the whole dark room experience/webcam masturbation..) He also freely admits that parts of heterosexual community also celebrate the "darker" side of sexuality eg; prostitution etc...
I'm struggling with this on a few levels and wondered if anyone could offer a perspective or experience. actually we are both strugling with this... he doesn't enjoy his feelings any more than I do.
Thanks
Tracy
I hope people will be able to offer a perspective on this.
My partner, who is a male survivor, fell into compulsive anonomous sex with men from about the age of 16. He was sexually abused by a man when he was aged about 8 for about a year.
He has been healing for just over a year now and made some trully amazing progress with the help of a fantastic T. I trust that he no longer acts out.
For 20 years he has has had sex periodically with men and not understood why because he never wnated or had any romantic involvement. It was limited to very specific quick encounters in public toilets.
He now truly believes that he was acting out in an effort to make sense of the abuse that happened to him as a child and is getting over the horror of, in his words "perpetuating the abuse for all these years". He feels as though he was at least used if not abused again as a teenager.
The issue that I stuggle with is that he seems to have built up an association between homosexuality and abuse.
This is soo unlike him in any other aspect. His politics are leftwing and he is antibigotry in all other ways.
He says that he just needs time to come to terms with what "happened" to him and will relax about homosexuality in good time. He freely admits he sought out the encounters and in that respect was a willing participant.
I understand that and it makes sense to me but the mistrust of gay men, particularly those who are "on the scene" as apposed to in a relationship" shows no signs of abating. He says he is deeply triggered by how the gay commmunity "celebrate" acting out. (We have gay friends who joke about and enjoy the whole dark room experience/webcam masturbation..) He also freely admits that parts of heterosexual community also celebrate the "darker" side of sexuality eg; prostitution etc...
I'm struggling with this on a few levels and wondered if anyone could offer a perspective or experience. actually we are both strugling with this... he doesn't enjoy his feelings any more than I do.
Thanks
Tracy