Holy crap! I'm over 1000!

[crisispoint]

...posts, that is!

So wrapped up have I been in myself that I missed my bloody 1,000th post! And it has been a while since that!

When I first started coming here, I didn't think I'd last a week. Turns out I lasted for more than that, and I owe a lot of people for this milestone.

Mostly, you guys and gals here. You kept me going and gave me reason to hope when I thought I'd have nothing left to live for. Somedays, it still feels like that (today, this morning, for example), but I truly have more good days than bad. And it's thanks to you.

Every time someone says that I mean something to them, here and elsewhere, I feel like Verbal Kint in the police station (yeah, before we know he's Keyser Soze! ). I want to scream, "I'm nothing! Why do you say this? I'm stupid, I'm worthless, why do you love me? I'm not worth loving!" But, I guess I am. I guess I am worth it.

But, for everyone here, so are you. If I tought you ANYTHING, I'm grateful and honored, but I hope the ONE thing I said of value is that you are worth such things, because I wouldn't be here if not for all of you.

I mean this for everyone.

Anyone who I've met here and haven't talked to lately, well hell, let me know that you're still around and okay, because I DO remember everyone here. That goes for you, Danny2 and everyone else.

A special thank you to the first person who made me feel welcome. Dan in New England, you saved me that night we met in chat. I'll never forget that.

The mods, alumni (TAZ!), and administrative staff, you saved me. You DID, and while I may bitch on you guys, I also know your value and love you all. Especially Mike Church and Ivanhoe (David, you are a great guy and a person I'm PROUD to consider a friend!).

And Marc, my newest brother, even in the dpeths of your hurt, you wanted to help me. Still brings me to tears and at the end of the day ( ) means so much to me.

To everyone else who've come to be important to me (you know who you all are! (I hope )), I hope i made a fraction of a difference in your lives as you have in mine.

Enough already, I've gone on too long. Just, plain, thank you.

Peace and love,

Scot

 

[kolisha54]

Thanks to you, Bro!

You are one of those rare beings who helps change a mere website into a true community.

Hugs!

 

[wifenneed]

From Kolisha about Scot: "you are one of those rare beings who helps change a mere website into a true community".

That's it right there......
Nuff said!
Kathy

 

[PAS]

Scot: count me as one person that you have been a big help to - I have definitely benefited from your advice and point of view. Although there is nothing that can take away the pain of the experiences you went through, this is one way in which the experience can be transformed into doing something "for the good guys".

I too try to think of that and not wallow in the pain that I feel due to my own psychological and verbal childhood torture as well as the challenges that I face in my current relationship, knowing what happened to my partner and how it affects him, how much pain he still is in. That's probably one of the reasons why I feel compelled to post on this place and provide help and advice as well as asking for it from time to time.

To me, its the only thing that makes any "cosmic sense" of bad things - that we convert that negative energy into something positive where someone, somewhere benefits. Having a history of childhood abuse to me just seems to create a giant ball of negative psychological crap that has potential to just sit and fester in our brains and souls, it HAS to go somewhere. Without adhering to that principle I dont think I'd be able to sit with my personal history and do NOTHING with it without exploding in chronic anger and/or being lost in a sinking sea of depression - I've spent too many years in that psychological mess already!!


P