Historical update...

Historical update...
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Lynn,

I'm so glad to see you here again!

I wish it were for better reasons, though.

Yeah, I can understand why people don't get involved. But you have made a difference in people's lives, and it's been a POSITIVE difference. This is a gift for you AND them.

That you had to endure all the crap that went a long with it, well, I am sorry. Lynn, you ever heard teh saying, "no good deed goes unpunished?" Well, yep, that's what usually happens, and it scars the wrong people, those who DO care and WANT to help.

I'd say to you, "don't do it again," but this is selfish on my part, because I don't want you to get hurt like this again. I think you're going to go about it the right way, with safeguards and things to protect you in the future. That you STILL want to help people despite it all tells me the kind of person you are.

Unfortunately, about "she-who-is-out-of-her-****ing-mind," I wouldn't hold out much hope for a life-affirming change. True, people do, but it involves a sense of regret on their part in teh first place, and from what you've mentioned, she has none.

I'm still happy to see you back here. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch with you. I regret that, really. But I hope you will be around here more often and keep in touch (perhaps send me the recipe for those brownies! :D ), and just keep bringing a smile to our day here.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Lynn,

Wow! What a story! Glad you are emerging from all that. THose who abuse lie, manipulate, and damage. Those abused often seem to follow that pattern. Just read some of the stories recently posted on this forum. Kids will be tied to thei natural parents in all sorts of ways. Yet, the truth will prevail. I have to believe that. Too bed so many are caught in that process.

Take care Lynn.
 
The text of the Gospel of St. Matthew is SO applicable here!!!!!

*************

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall possess the earth

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice
for they shall be satisfied

Blessed are the merciful
for they shall obtain mercy

Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they shall see God

Blessed are the peacemakers
for they shall be called children of God

Blessed are they who suffer persecution for justice sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven

Blessed are you when men reproach you, and persecute you, and speaking falsely, say all manner of evil against you, for my sake.
 
Lynn
"You have worth" - oh boy, you have it in spades!

Dave
 
Hello Lynn,

It's good to hear that Scotty is doing okay. And good to hear that you are getting closer to your "worth."

This reminds me SOOOOO much of my mother in law.
Y'know, that makes me not even want to try. No matter what, I lose. Can it be true that "truth" can't compete with manipulation and whatever that is she does that makes your brain hurt after talking to her?
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For what it's worth, I don't think that we really figure out life lessons, good or bad, or where we learned them, until we are out in the "real world" applying what we've learned. Then all of the sudden it starts to hit us, I have this kind of work ethic because I saw it at home, or I speak to children this way because someone did it to me, or when I see that couple it makes me think of a couple I know.

I think it is terrible that you got screwed. I spent so many years wondering why no one helped us. I guess they were all afraid of getting screwed, with some good reason. Lynn, you want to talk about worth, you are braver than every single teacher I had in 12 years, and a handful of social workers, and all of my coaches, and all of my friend's parents and all of my extended family. Please, just know that you kept someone from the torment of wondering why no one ever helped... you kept someone from saying "Everyone I've ever counted on has let me down."

SAR
 
Lynn,

It is good to hear from you again.

You know, when I read this thread, I think of the story of the kid throwing starfish back into the sea. When someone says that there are too many starfish on the beach for the kid to make a difference, the kid throws another one home and says, "I made a difference to that one."

Except you kept comin' round here, and made a difference to a lot of us starfish.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Lynn,

I don't know you but my first reaction is I love you. What you did for Scott is so wonderful. You are a good and caring person. You are a credit to humanity.

Don't ever stop being you.

Love,

Dave
 
lynn,
just like dave my first instinct is love. i try not to cry but you post makes me cry.
i can only hope that there are more people like you. because of you some poor kid may feel loved and not hate himself so much
lee
 
Lynn,
I have so much that I can say in response. I just hope that you are ok. Remember, when dealing with an abuser, you are using your real logic against their false logic. They have no comprehension of what the truth actually is. You said that it was obvious to the judge. That is good. The truth is relative. There are always at least 3 truths. It all depends on context and perception. The judge is supposed to be there to work with the law and what (s)he determines to be the truth with what has been presented. I recently went through this. I could go on forever about attorneys. It's almost like a secret society or fraternity. As for the truth, I think that my truth made some major ground and won in the end with the stuff that I just went through. Did it actually help? It didn't help with what I was in court for, but I think that it helped me because I know that it had a major effect on everybody involved. My perp was faced with my SA for the first time, and it was in a court of law. I knew my perp. My perp fully convinced themself that they did nothing wrong. What I did to my perp and what my perp did to me are being treated as completely separate crimes. Now, my perp has been confronted and knows that I am able to press charges. When I went to the courthouse the next day, I received completely different treatment than I had the day before when I was just another defendant. After my perp was confronted, the truth went through that courthouse like wildfire. It didn't change what happened to me for what I did, but it is changing a lot of other things. In my case, the judge knew that I was telling the truth too.

I've learned a lot about all of this stuff. I may be able to give you some advice on how to avoid it or how to handle it differently in the future. PM me if you want to talk about it more. The truth can prevail. Remember, they use false logic to justify themselves. It is easy to circumvent that.


It really bothers me that someone can just walk into a courthouse off the street, and make ANY accusation they want against anyone else, with NO proof.
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Yup. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this. I've known people who went to jail because of this. I've talked with people who have had someone do this to them, and then later, after they were sentenced to years in jail, fully regret it and try to tell the person how much they love them and all kinds of stuff.

Don't give up hope Lynn. Don't let any of this change who you are. It isn't worth it. If it changes you, then you are a secondary victim of the perp.
 
Power and control. Power and control. A perp can't see past themselves. Everything becomes about them. Their fears rule them. They have no control over themselves, so they try to take control over others. They live in a more fragile glass house than survivors do. They are schoolyard bullies. They are scared little children who are not capable of growing up. Over 80% of people sexually abused never become perpetrators, while up to 80% of perpetrators were themselves abused. Survivors have the ability to grow, perps don't. Perps regress.


"We do not own the Earth, we are only borrowing it from our children."
 
Also, from what I've seen, perps always say one thing, and do the opposite. Their minds are torn. They are split. Their minds are always in a constant state of turmoil. A more extreme example of the type that you are talking about above would look you in the eyes with a smile on their face and tell you how much they love their children, how they would hurt anyone who would harm them, and while they are saying it, they turn their attention to their children and are abusing them physically, emotionally, or mentally / verbally right in front of you.
 
Yes. The circles come from her mind working at extremes. Basically, it's a freudian conflict. Self vs others, desires vs morality, etc. etc.. This is what is at the core of false logic. While talking, she will jump from one end to the other in a single sentence. She will contradict herself in one breath. It leaves you thinking, "What the hell are you talking about? That makes absolutely no sense." I intentionally left confusion out when I said power and control. The perp projects their own confusion into the victim. False logic is an expansion of this. It usually involves two or more ideas involving apples and oranges building up in one direction toward a justification of an action or behavior in the opposite direction. ex: "I love you, so I am going to do whatever I want to to you, you must accept it, and if you care about me, you won't do anything about it, because you don't want to hurt me, or see me get hurt, right?" Response: "Ummmmmmmmm, yea, uhhhhh, ok, uhhhhhh right, wait a minute........ EXCUSE ME!!!! But, what the hell are you talking about? That makes absolutely no FN sense!!!". Or: I'm going to intentionally hurt you because I think that hurting you is good for you. Sound familiar to anyone?
 
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