high sex drive and avoidant

high sex drive and avoidant
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
i often avoided contact with men - even
friendly relations growing up

i felt so easily to fall in love -

maybe too - i feared if i felt i opened up

to friendship - not kept at arms length -

the sexy feelings - the heart break -

was too much to deal with -

at being snubbed by a man - who was not gay

or by a man who was - who knew just to break my heart -
:(

i think i know now - that we all have to deal with sexual tension -

is this true? - please i need a confirm!

as i get close to some men on this sight -

honestly it scares - as i feel those sexy feelings are mixed -

and a real bond ? is what i hope -
it's hard to say -

it's all a mix - i want a lover -

and yet - friends too of course -

it seems like when i talk at times -

i feel uh oh - i can't get too close -

... avoidant...
oh
for a simple thing

m
 
i am though - very devoted to the one who says yes -

perhaps in the past too much so -

i just wanted to be something good -

a true one -
but the cost :(

the time is right for all of us

when it is.

mgb
 
Mark,

It sounds to me like you don't trust your boundaries. It's a brave thing to talk about that, but clearly you are ready to work on the issue seriously (otherwise you would not have recognized it and posted about it here).

Distrust of ourselves is a common problem for survivors I think. But perhaps we can look at ourselves seriously and ask ourselves this question: Is my problem really weak boundaries, or do I just lack the self-confidence that comes with experience?

But you know what bro? I think you are doing great. A year ago there is no way you would have raised such a question here.

Much love,
Larry
 
Dear mgb,
Larry "took the words right out of my mouth." Your post waved lots of red flags, reminding me of my own major "boundary issues."
I guess there is such a thing as "love at first sight," but in my experience it was usually "lust at first sight." I was so eager to get laid that I fell "in love" just about every week.
Time, patience, and experience will teach us the difference between a lover, a friend, and a casual sex buddy -- and there is a very real difference between them. But I think you knew that ...
Love, etc.,
 
you guys - thank you so so much.

this is very reassuring - and importantly powerful.

thanks

mark
 
i think i should say importantly teaching and

encouraging.

thanks.
 
Mark,

Coming back to this, should you perhaps trust "Mark" just a little bit more? Just meet people and see how it goes. Be yourself. Don't plan or maneuver. Just relate. Trust your ability to detect a friend from a one-night stand from a potential relationship. See how it goes and listen to the warning signs you get from within yourself.

Listen bro, if I were in Toronto I wouldn't hesitate for one second to tell you I'm coming and can we get together for a drink or dinner or check out a gallery or whatever. I would not expect any boundaries problem at all between us.

Much love,
Larry
 
Larry - thanks - I can't let go yet.

mark
 
it's hard and scary and it hurts
 
but wait - it wouldn't hurt with you because i know you - i just don't have work yet -

and oh whatever gay church street is gawd awful -
 
not ready - going for walk though.

oh well. just today right now - rest and a beer

and a in the park -

whatever -

ttyl
thanks
 
Mark,

Hey bro, take it easy. No one is saying these things aren't difficult, so take your time. You're the one that has to find the answers and decide how to work things out. No one is pushing you, okay?

Much love,
Larry
 
thanks
 
Actually, as a tourist, I thought Church Street was a lot of fun and excitement --
Just wondering, mgb, whether you have ever tried mediatation?
There are several different approaches to the practice of meditation. For me, this is a good way to calm and focus my "monkey mind" -- at least for a little while each day. Not to mention lowering my blood pressure.
Take a deep breath and know that you have brothers here who are rooting for you.
Love, etc.,
 
thanks george -

you have a good point -

thanks.

mark
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top