Hi Guys

NoahOkGuy

New Registrant
Hi Guys,

Not sure where to start. So here are the basics,I just turned 32, married, one son. My abuse started I assume between 2 to 3 years old, I was a foster child, I don't have memories of the first couple that took me in, I like to assume that they were kind, because I have no memories or feelings of anything bad happened with them.

At some point before I was 3 I was sent to live with another foster family and my fist memory of that place was that I always was cold in my room there. The first year with them I just remember crying a lot and feeling cold, then at around 4 I remember when the pain started. I can go into that later but over the next couple of years I felt like I was traded a lot amongst some awful people that were just cruel for no reason that I can remember, except they enjoyed causing pain in very clever ways, more on that later.

This went on until I was 12, when I was beaten to do things to others. I still have that guilt in me from back then even though I had no choice.

The next few years I literally escaped to the gym and the library. I made my mind and body stronger and the only downside to developing my body so early is that I was even more attractive to these monsters hiding in human skins.

Flash forward to me know in a verbally and emotionally abuse relationship with my wife that knows all of my fear buttuns to push. I thought by marrying here i could become "staight" and having a son with her I thought would make us more like a "normal"family.

I only found this website from another member here that has been very patient letting me open up to him as I hope to do with you guys as I open up more about my past.

Thank for reading,

Noah
 
Noah -

Welcome to the MS community. Thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry for the way you were treated as a child and teen. though the events in our lives were very different, I am sure that many of the results and effects are very similar.

I have found this place and these guys to have made a huge difference in my life and healing process. I hope you will find the same kind of encouragement, support, empathy and understanding that I have. I have found that the best way to benefit from the forums is to jump right in and participate as much as you can. hope you'll feel comfortable in doing whatever feels right to you.

we look forward to getting to know you more.
Lee
 
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Shyshark

Registrant
Hi Noah

We have some very significant similarities and some important differences ... and I say this for a reason.

You will find a number of guys who will relate to you even though their abuse was nothing like yours.
We become ... to varying degrees ... adept at reading between the lines and catching your ... for lack of a better word ... " feelings ".

In essence our stories are the details we need to understand one's past circumstances ... but the past is not of paramount importance here.
We deal with the present ... in an effort to mould the future.
It's the here and now that we can do something about ... the past will always stay the same ...
but ...
by examining it with the help of others ... fresh perspectives from an understanding outer source ... can make a huge difference.
Our memories are never 100% accurate.

I was 3 when it began and by the time I was 7 there had been 4 young men and at 9 my Priest.
I remember every detail with the Priest ... but the 4 young men ... I will never know the all of it.
It is important to know that it was all done in a very 'loving' and affectionate manner ... I was never hurt ...
at least that's what I believe to be true.

I tortured myself for years trying to sort it out.
I felt very guilty even being here.
In comparison to most my abuse was a piece of cake ...
so ...
"Why am I such an effing mess?!!!"
Why indeed.

I've stopped all that.
Perhaps what I can't remember is a blessing ... I know enough.
Letting go was the first step to actual healing.
How can I 'fix' things when I don't know what to fix?

I sincerely hope coming here will be of great value to you.
It was NEVER your fault ... and there is plenty you can do to help yourself ...

and you deserve to find a kinder future.

Welcome Noah.

:)
 
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WG

Registrant
Hi Noah - Welcome, and at the same time, sad to know you had to come here - but we do understand.
Since you've opened the door by allowing us to know of your homelife, I'm going to walk through that door......if the relationship is abusive, you need to be out of that relationship. Is there somewhere you are able to go? If it can be demonstrated that she is the abusive one, you can request custody of your underage child. If that's not possible, you can get a legal separation (notice I didn't say divorce). That protects you - and her, too - financially. One cannot run up huge bills on the credit card and stick the other one with the bill. To be able to begin the heavy work of dealing with your past, it would benefit you to be in a stable environment - physically and mentally.
You truly do deserve better. You're worth the work.
 

DavidM-LT

Registrant
Hi Noah!

Welcome! It’s sad that you need to be here. But be welcome, and feel safe.
I must say, reading this brought me to tears. It’s awful what you’ve been through. And at the same time it’s beautiful the courage that you have to make this step, to register, and tell this part of your story.

I have to echo WG’s words emphasizing the need for a safe environment. Women can really be vicious. It’s horrifying to know that she’s aware of this hell that you’ve been through and pushes your buttons.

There’s many many myths about guys and abuse, sexual and/or emotional and psychological. But guys can be abused. And it’s just as wrong as if it’s a woman being abused. Hopefully this is something that you’ve already heard.

You can certainly find support here. Recovery is possible. It’s reachable. And well all lend a hand to do what we can
 

Bluedogone

Registrant
Hi Noah - WELCOME,

I'm glad the MS member pointed you to this web site, but it's a bit heartbreaking to read how early the abuses started, only to continue, albeit emotionally at present.

This is a safe place, where guys understand and empathize with you in what you've had to deal with. MS and the guys here have proven to me I'm not alone in facing the future, however uncertain it may be. May this be exactly what you need to help with your healing journey.

Blue
 

BDD

Registrant
Hi Noah,

Welcome. I'm so sorry your early life was filled with so much cruelty. I hope working on yourself you can find peace and discover you really are OK and that Noah is normal in and of himself.
 

Older1

Registrant
Hi Noah; Congratulations on surviving the abuses you suffered in the past and learning coping mechanism that have enabled you to get to your situation of today....at 32.
Abuses take on so many forms; bullying, beating, terrorizing, luring, grooming, sexual, abandonment, rejection, name-calling, belittling, etc., and can be damaging to us spiritually, mentally, physically, intellectually, socially, and emotionally.
You post suggests that you have learned a lot about yourself, and you have developed many strengths. I am sorry you suffered abuses in the past; no-one deserves to be mistreated.
I wish you continued success and confidence that you will continue your journey. Carry on!!!
 

woodenshoes

Registrant
Noah

Sorry for the things that took place you are safe here and can share when you feel the need. Like Shyshark said we can relate but we have not endured what you have. I wish you success in healing you have started down the road and we're here if you need support. Wishing you the best.

Ws
 
Noah, Sorry this happened to you. I was abused at age 3, as well - and multiple times, but only by my father (at least as much as I can remember -there are still memory "voids")

I also deal with SSA (many men here do) and am in a marriage that has not always been the healthiest, but we are committed to each other. We also have 2 adult children who turned out to be really good PEOPLE!! Proud of them both!
 

JoeNE

Registrant
Hi Noah, welcome to MS and I am sorry for the pain that brought you here Sending love and peace. Joe
 

WG

Registrant
Hi, Noah - it's been a minute since we've messaged. I hope you're making some progress in your recovery work. You know where to find me - here of course - if you'd like to "talk".......
 
Hi Noah, I feel bad for waht hapen to you wen you were just starting life. It was not met to be. One thing is that here you will find frenchip, good carring and understanding so like that you are not alone to fight and strugle. I have found friends that could listen to me and whit time it help me to understand and be safe that i could start and trust others. Take care and if you need a hand don't hesitate to ask others for help or just listen what you want to say and share.

Jp
 
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