Hi guys, new to this board

Hi guys, new to this board
S

Scorpion

New Registrant
Hi guys.....I've been reading some of the posts on here. This web site is awesome, there's a lot of information on here. I've enjoyed reading some other stories, as I have no one who I can relate to with my own history.

I just got into my first relationship. I am 23 years old and just relocated to Florida from New York. I met a guy down here who I fell for. It's been great but in the past couple weeks I've noticed a lot of insecurities in myself which I think directly related to my physically and sexually abused childhood.

When I was very young, in addition to having two parents who were neglectful and physically abusive, I have a brother who loved to play "house" and explore some of his sexual desires with his two younger siblings.
 
Ooops i accidentally posted that before finshing it. Anyhow thats basically what happened to me. And I can see how it has affected me as an adult. I am always worried my BF is going to leave me or cheat on me. Any ideas of how to get over this?
 
Hello Scorpion,

And welcome to MaleSurvivor!

I hope you will find here the same hope and strength that I have since I first came here a couple of years ago.

You asked about how to get over the effects of the sexual abuse. The good news is that you are already doing by being willing to come here and open up about it.

Letting our history out into the light takes away a great deal of the power that it might have once had over us.

Especially effective for me, has been sharing my secret of being abused with men here who understand because they have been through the same thing and have the same feelings as me.

If you have any questions, concerns or comments please feel free to write about it or send a private message to me or any of the other moderators. We're here to help keep the site safe and conducive to healing.

I am sorry for the pain that brought you here but am glad to see another man discover that he is not alone.

Welcome,
 
Scorpion,
Welcome, welcome welcome. You are not alone any more and your questions and insecurites were loud enough in your mind to find a place where you can discuss them knowing you will be supported. I too am glad you found us, but so sorry you had to from the hurt in your past. Insecurities over being abandoned (even by your current boyfriend) is a symptom of having been abused. You spoke of physical abuse, well that is an arrow pointing straight at why. Your safety was at stake then and you have carried that with you into your adult relationships. I know that is what I do too.
You are in a good spot here, take Danny and the rest of us up on our joined offer of support.
Good luck with your recovery my friend.
Ric
 
Hi Danny and Ric.....Thank you for the warm welcome. It's amazing how much experience from childhood carries into your adult hood. I can see my relationships as an adult directly parallel with relations I had as a child with those close around me that were abusive. Although I've made some progress, there are still many challenges ahaead that need to be tackled.
Sounds like you both have made lots of progress. Although I am deeply sorry you two have had similiar experiences, I am happy that instead of suffering and being a victim all the time, that you have both moved foward. I look foward to chatting with you guys and good luck with everything

~James
 
James,
You are one of the luckier guys who have been brave enough to find this place and face your abuse while you are so young. You have a great chance to have a wonderful life. Just stay strong and as courageous as your are, because this is not an easy journey. Recovery is new to me as well, and I will tell you sometimes you take one or two steps forward and 10 backwards. I think the key is to keep moving in your recovery. You go forward and backward because there may be things you have to revisit and it is still as painful as the first time you peeked at it.
Danny is a deep thinking prolific writer and the moderator of this site, so I know he would welcome your questions and comments. As would I and any of the rest of us still on the wrong side of the door of our self image.
It is good that you see the parallel to your childhood relationships carried over into your adult ones. Now that you see it, you stand a very very good chance of changing that for the better. Good luck on your journey.
Ric
 
Welcome Scorpion:
Issues of SA usually pop up especially when we are in relationships with someone else. I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that we are beginning to trust someone close to us and when we were children, that trust was violated.
There are no guarantees in life, especially with relationships. However, the key to keeping a relationship open and alive is communication. Problems begin when the other person is left to his/her own devices and thoughts and having to second-guess what you're thinking and/or feeling. Believe me, I know this one because it is still hard for me to open up and disclose some things after a 21 year marriage. To compound it, I kick myself in the rear-end when I do it because this is the ONE individual in my entire life that I know will never betray me.
I know that this sounds cliche to say, but if he is meant to stay with you and is a true friend and partner, he will be supportive of the issues that you are going through - as long as you keep him as much in the loop as you are comfortable.
It's when we let the other person know the hurt and pain that we are going through that our "human" side is seen by them. Otherwise, it is very easy for them to see you (me and others) as a 2-dimensional figure. I hope that I make sense.
The other important thing is that if you can afford it, make use of a T to keep you grounded and objective with your issues. And, if some of them affect you as a couple, maybe include him in some of the sessions as you are comfortable with that. Too often, couples (gay or straight) wait until the relationship is at a crisis point and then it takes 1,000 times the effort to try and repair the damage that's been done. Whereas, if it is dealt with early on, it doesn't become this paramount pink elephant.
There are personal things that I would be happy to share in my own life but not comfortable in a public forum, so please feel free to PM me if you have any questions. I will be as honest and open as possible.

Sophiesdad
 
Welcome Scorpion,

It's been ages since I wrote on here, but just wanted to say welcome--and congrats! I know you're in a path to finally letting go of your past. Indeed, after I dealt with years of coming to terms about my abuse, I can honestly say I hardly even think about it. Yes, it happened, but I now know where it fits in my life...namely, it does not control my life. Indeed, I will move on and I will succeed. What I found is that there are many of us as boys who were abused, and we are not alone. For me, the hardest thing was at first realizing that my abuse and my sexuality are NOT related--after that, things fit into place and I realized that I am who I am. I embraced my sexuality--and am finally living my life as I should : ) At the age of 27 (I think it's been about 7 or 8 years since I first posted), I'm finally moving on. Whatever you do--don't forget to never give up on trying to figure out what you want out of life and attaining it--you've gone this far after all : )
 
Welcome Scorpion,

You are getting alot of great advice from the other guys that have posted a reply to your posting.

They are right, you are very lucky to have decided to seek others who share the same experience at 23yrs old. You do have the rest of your life to be happy and hopefully free of that particular insecurity you have in relationships.

I also share that same insecurity with you. Its been something that I'm working on overcoming and so far I think I'm doing very good. I often see some things as either they were meant to be or not meant to be. In a partner, you will know deep down when you meet that person that you were meant to meet.

Someone else had already mentioned that if your partner is a true person who will support you and and stand by you, then he will work with you on overcoming the insecurity. How true that is...if they are not willing to try to understand you, they are not truely a person you want to let inside.

Keep posting your questions and keep reading other postings and replies...you will find that many things that are being said here...are things you will be able to relate to. I don't post very frequently, but I have spend alot of time reading the boards and its amazing the things you learn about yourself from people who don't even know you.

I hope you enjoy this experience as much as I have. Good luck and welcome once again.

Willy
 
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