hey

hey
R

revir

New Registrant
I guess I was sexually abused. It still seems compltely normal to me. It stopped two months ago because my parents found pictures of me doing sexual things with my friend.

People (in the chatroom) keep asking how old he was. He was 37. And how old i am. I'll be 15 on Tuesday.

It started when I was about 6. We moved when I was 5 and he happened to be a close friend of the family. I spent a lot of time with him. He is a very cool guy. There were other kids with us sometimes. That was fun, but I was special to him. I was his favorite. I miss him a lot.

My parents made him go to jail even though I didn't want them to. They took me to see this therapist, but I refused to talk. I guess they think I am crazy. They just don't understand that he was only teaching me about sex.

What happens now?
 
Hi Revir,

Welcome to the discussion boards - good to see you on this side too :)

I do understand a lot of what you said - at your age I felt somewhat the same way... - was not untill years later that I started to really understand how not-normal some things were...

Keep talking it out here with us - things will become clearer to you - I understand it's all very confussing right now - but... it sure was abuse - it is just not normal or acceptable for a 28 y/o to be teaching a 6 y/o about sex...

Take good care of yourself,

TJ jeff
 
It will be difficult to believe that a bunch of people you don't know and have never met could know -anything- about someone you've known for seven years.

I was trying to explain in chat last night (it's difficult to convey big ideas in chat) that I also missed my perps for a while after my abuse stopped as well. I didn't see it as abuse at the time, and they were generally cool people - they took me places and give me things and treated me great.

My abusers made videos of me and their kids doing things. At the time, I didn't care - it was almost like a joke.

After I'd been away from my abusers for a while - and thus wasn't constantly being praised and rewarded and told how much they liked me - I started thinking about the things that had happened in a different light, and it all seemed really confusing. As I got older and learned more about the way things are, some of that confusion disappeared. For instance, why did they make videos? I came over often; it's not like they never got to see me. Why did your friend take pictures of you doing things?

One day, when I was a year or so younger than you are right now, the news had a story about a janitor at my school (that's right) who got arrested for something or other; the police found about 200 photos on his computer, of kids "doing things". He didn't have any kids, and none of the photos were, as far as the police knew, of "local" kids. So where did he get them? 200 photos had to come from somewhere. Since he didn't take them, they probably came from...

...and just like that, I suddenly understood why my "friends" had made those videos. They were giving them to people. Back at the time of my abuse, a pedo could make a LOT of money off selling those kinds of photos and videos of kids. Nowadays, not so much - now, pedos just trade the pictures and videos to each other, like baseball cards. Now, it's probably not likely that particular janitor ever saw one of my videos. But it didn't matter to me - either way, when I realized what was up, I was furious! I would never have let anyone - ANYONE - else see me like that. We'd all made a big deal, even, about never saying anything to anybody else. It really woke me up to the fact that, no matter how nice, or considerate, or giving, or loving they may have been acting - it was all just a trick; there was only one reason they were doing it. I was "special" all right, but not for the reasons I first thought.

These days, Revin, I'm sure you've seen the news. When people get busted with child pornography on their computers, they don't have "200" pictures anymore - they have THOUSANDS. If your friend took pictures of you, I'd lay odds that he was trading them to people. You said your parents found the photos - if they were on a computer, I can pretty much guarantee he was trading them. It's almost like a bragging thing. You may have thought what was happening was "just between you" - but trust me, it wasn't - and those photos are proof.
 
Revir,
Glad you posted here. I hoped to see you on this side. I know it was hard. I know things are kind of confusing right now. Believe it or not, lots of guys have similar stories to you. Please stick around and post, and read. You're probably going to go through some rough times sorting this all out. Can I ask you to please talk to your shrink? He is only trying to help you. But talk to us if you can't talk to him. Any guy on here is willing to talk, chat or anything. They are great guys and you can trust them, ok?
Take care
Paul
 
Hi Revir. I see you've already met some of the guys in chat. Paul, TJ, and melliferal are all great guys who care about people. They're advise and support can be trusted.

I'd like to add my voice to theirs and bid you welcome. I hope you'll hang in there with your folks and the therapist. I can understand why you'd be upset right now. Those feelings are common among us guys who were abused. I remember feeling similar to the way you've described. The thing that really sent things into a tailspin for me was when the guy I thought was my friend decided to threaten to kill. It was then that I realized he really didn't care about me at all. He had just been using me for his own perverted pleasures and these threats were just a continuation of that. I was eleven years old.

I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for. There are other participants here that are your age. You'll find out who they are before long. Stick around and see how things go, K?

John
 
I'm glad you found MaleSurvivor, Revir. There are a lot of good people here, so post away, bud.
 
Hey Revir,

I see you have made a lot of friends here already. I'm glad you found this site.
I found this site a couple of months earlier then you and so far the advice and support has been enormous already.
So I'm glad you found the courage to post here too.

Also, I think it's very good that you posted here what you think yourself, rather then echo what all of the other people have told you so far. Because even though I agree with what everyone else has written (or might have said), you gotta make those conclusions yourself.
And I can promise you, it will al be confusing, difficult, hard, painfull etc. It's a long and hard road. But the good thing is you and me have both found this site, so we have good support alright.

Even though my story is in many ways different I guess there are also similarities.
When I was 9 all of the sudden a 'friend' of my parents started to pay attention to me. I was thrilled, because my parents never gave any kind of attention to me. So any kind of attention that i dd get seemed huge to me.
I soon learned to hate when he came over wich was as much as he wanted to, because my parents were never home, mostly I hated it because usually it would hurt a lot.
At the time I did not understand what was going on, nor that it was a bad thing. I blamed myself, I guess.
Not until I was 12 I understood what was happening, after there were infolessons at school, also about s.abuse.
Not until I was 15, last year, it eventually stopped though, because school found out.
My parents don't support me, in fact, they kicked me out.
It has been really difficult so far, wich is even an understatement I guess, but this site, or I should say, it's people, have helped a lot already.

I really hope you won't distance your parents from you, because I am certain their support will be very important in such a confusing & difficult time. Just remember, they only tried to protect you, even though you might not agree with them now.
Take your time, look around here, post, ask questions, think about all of the advice everyone tries to give you, make your own conclusions.
You've got friends here okey.

Alexander
 
Revir, there is something badly wrong for a man to teach kids about sex, so young.
Your parents did the right thing by getting jail time for him.

It is abuse, and in time you will find that out, but keep with your parents, they seem to be doing the right things,

ste
 
Hey Revir welcome aboard. This is a very interesting thread you started, well to me anyway, because my first instinct was to tell you, without trying to be a smartass ok? Just wait 5 or 10 or 15 years and see how it's impacting your life. I guarantee that you'll find some MAJOR issues affecting the quality of your life. The way sexual abuse manifests itself in the lives of people, typically years later, are DEVESTATING, for lack of a BETTER word.

In my case, I'm 37 now, and hated myself so much and for so long because of the effects, that I'm barely able to function in society. I've failed miserably to progress in life while other people sail on by me.

Other people here have other problems, MANY have horrible nightmares, many have panic attacks, many have lost their marriages, many cannot sexually function unless their being hit or choked or god only knows what else, many have resorted to lifetimes of drug and alcohol abuse in a vain effort to stop the pain/thoughts.

You don't think it's a big deal now, I totally believe you, but if you REALLY think it's no big deal, then I welcome you to read through these posts and just see how someone that pays attention to you, makes you feel good, and warps your natural sexual growth and development can RUIN your life.

For what it's worth, I was treated JUST as you described how your "friend" treated you too. The attention, the affections, the gifts, the time, took me places, let me read his Superman Comic Books, all that crap. Just like you I don't hate him, but I do feel sorry for him AND me now, god he screwed me up.
 
Revir,

My older brother taught me about sex by doing it to me. I thought he was doing me a favour and being kind. He wasnt. He was using me. I was much younger than him. It was wrong.

Id ask you to try and trust that your parents have done the right thing by sending this man to jail. I know you like him and think he did nothing wrong. Parents will often do things that you dont understand. You just need to trust them that they are doing the best to look after you.

If they ask you to speak with this therapist again Id really ask you to go along with it. Again just trust them. Try and talk to this person. What have you got to lose? It might help.
 
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