Hey everyone

Hey everyone
F

fusionoflove

Registrant
Well, it's been awhile since I've posted here. First of all, thanks to everyone that's helped answer questions and give thoughts on my past posts. To the new people here, this site can be one of the best things for you. I hope you find the this site and the people here invaluable.

Unlike most of the people here, I was raped as an adult. It's been almost two years since it occured and about a year since I finally admitted to myself what happened and decided to seek therapy. I'm finally starting to feel in control again. Rarely to I have that detached, looking through someone else's eyes feeling. I don't have panic attacks anymore, but I still suffer from social anxiety, especially being around males I don't know.

It's amazing how self aware I'm becoming to myself and others. I've realized I devoloped an eating disorder. I lost 40 lbs and didn't even realize it until someone asked me about it. I wasn't trying to lose weight I just stopped eating.

I think everyone is affected differently by their abuse. I tend to be a hypocondriac nowadays, but I know it's because of the rape. I wasn't before, so I know it will pass. It's kind of funny in a way, to think oh no I coughed, I must have cancer, I'm going to die, etc. Has anyone else had a similar thing happened to them?

I stopped drinking for about six months and now I'll drink about once a month. It's cool, I just don't want it to become a habit again. I'm thinking about just stopping altogether. Not because that I feel that I'm numbing myself either. It's just getting old.

I've been in a relationship for 4 months and I just moved into her place. I'm lucky, really lucky. I've told her about the rape. Not only did she show compassion, but she revealed to me that her younger brother who's only 8 years old was molested by a school teacher. He's in counseling right now, but he's developed a learning disability because of it. The teacher who did that to him is an animal, worse yet he's a vampire.

It's crazy, but don't hole up your emotions. More people have been abused than you think. At one point I pretended or at least thought I was the only one. As soon as I started talking to people I found so many others have been or know someone who's been abused. We're not alone guys, eventhough we all walk on our own path of recovery.

Well, I'll try to get back here once a week, read ppl's post and try to respond. It's the least I can do.

Thanks Everyone,
Fusion
 
Fusion - it's good to hear that you are doing OK. It's good to hear that you are also in a compassionate relationship - good on you!

I know this year is going to be a good one!

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Fusion,

I was nearly an adult when I was raped (16). When I read this post, it made me realize how much abuse changed us.

I didn't have an eating disorder, but everytime I would eat, I would get sick, sometimes to the point of passing out. Could be at home, visiting, or a restaurant..didn't matter. I also tried the drinking routine. Thankfully I realized that was turning into one more problem I didn't need. I also feel uncomfortable around other males. I feel like I'm not manly enough to hang with other guys, because I have been raped. Stupid, I know, just telling you the feelings I have. Finally, I can't tell you how many times I have been self diagnosed with cancer! Like you, a cough is all it takes.

Reading all of these posts made me realize that maybe even though we survived different abuses, the way our minds deal with it is a lot alike. Being able to come to this sight and read posts such as this one, is one of most valuable things I've ever come across. When I read a post like this I truly know that I am not alone in this. Other guys reacted the same way as I did. Not all, I'm sure, but enough of them to make me realize that I am not alone.

One major difference, and one I am proud of you for doing, is that you told your girlfriend up front about your rape. I kept mine hidden from my wife for 22 years of marriage and 5 years previous to that. She is supportive, but I will always wonder if she would have married me if she had known. You were wise to tell her.

We need to realize that we aren't alone, that others have the same feelings and are dealing with SA the same way as we are. While it's a shame that a site like this is needed, it's just good to know that we aren't alone and we can help each other.

Thanks for the post, Fusion!
 
Rich reading your comments was like reading my biography. I too was raped at 16. And it kept it from my wife from when I married her at 26 until I was 60. God what an asshole I was.

All of us who have experienced sa must realize that it has affected every aspect of our lives and how we relate to others and treat ourselves.

God damn them to hell.
 
Rich reading your comments was like reading my biography. I too was raped at 16. And it kept it from my wife from when I married her at 26 until I was 60. God what an asshole I was.

All of us who have experienced sa must realize that it has affected every aspect of our lives and how we relate to others and treat ourselves.

God damn them to hell.
 
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