Hey Everyone

Hey Everyone
J

Jeeper9787

New Registrant
Hello. This is my very first, and not last, time to the forum here at the MS website. I was not exactly sure on where I should post my question so I assume this is okay to post here? I am just looking for ways to cope and deal, along with accepting, with what has happened to me in my life. Im new here and not 100% sure on how things run, but I guess I am just looking for some advice. Firstly, I have never had any drug problems or any self destructive episodes. I am a very mild mannered, easy going guy who accepts what life has to throw at him and takes it and makes it something better than when he found it. I have accepted what has happened to me and I forgive the person who has done it also. My fiance' is the only person, other than me, who knows about my situation. Im well grounded, in the course of finish my BS in science and going to med-school, getting a house, etc. I just would like to know if anyone has any advice on how to "better" accept what has happened and live with it. Its one of those things where you hear anything that may pertain to it and you have an immediate flashback to the day everything happened. I just would like to know how to accept it and how others have accepted it. Im sorry for the long post, but I would appreciate any insight. Thank you all so much, and I completely stand 110% behind what you are doing. It makes it easier on us all.

Jeeper9787 :D
 
You may have forgiven him/them too soon. You may have yet to realize how much of an impact that it's had on you, and harmed/betrayed you.

I would also suggest that you ask yourself what it is that you hope to accomplish by addressing the issue itself. I, for instance, in addressing my past, am now able to pursue more gainful employment, (my abusive past has relegated me to marginal jobs my whole life, I've never had a career.) Your problems have obviously not manifested themselves in the same way that they have for me, so I ask you, what is it that you're trying to accomplish/avoid? You mentioned flashbacks, are you having those?
 
Jeeper,

Welcome to MS and I am glad you are getting along so well in dealing with what happened to you.

My only reservation would be along the lines of Hauser's comment. We all have our own ways of coping with abuse, and one is to minimize it and try to convince ourselves that it didn't matter all that much.

This is usually a matter of denial, so I would just ask if you really feel that you have come to terms with the abuse. If so, fine. But have a good honest look and test your feelings. You may well find that you have issues and questions that really need to come out. And when they do, they may be just the beginning of dealing with many other issues.

The key is being totally honest with yourself. When we can do that, we are on our way. You of course may already be there, in which case congratulations and keep up the good work.

Much love,
Larry
 
Jeeper,
Welcome. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but for decades I told myself that I had been abuse, I was over it, I had forgiven my abuser, but had never connected how it affected my life all along the way. Now, you may very well be exactly where you are, but if you are having flashbacks, or it is still interfering with daily life, or the memories push themselves into your brain, you're probably not done with healing. The fact is, it looks like we will always be survivors, it's going to leave its mark.
How do you accept it? Talk about it here, for starters. be aware of the feelings that come up. That will tell you everything. Read the posts here. I can't tell you how often one of these posts will trigger a memory and I realize more and more how the abuse affected my life and relationships.
Glad you are here. This is the place to spill your guts. These guys are the best in the world.
Paul
 
Jeeper - it sounds like you are hurting now!

You indicate that you are achieving many things in your life - that is good! That is a sign that you can move on!

You can never forget, or at least I cannot! We can accept that we experienced things that we should not have as a child! Understanding why, is a whole different issue!

That is a question that is very difficult to answer. The way that I picture it is: Paedophiles are opportunists - we were an opportunity! It could have easily been someone else, it wasn't, it was us!

That's what we have to live with.

Don't torture yourself with why it happened...you met a pervert! They are pretty clever!

Long post...it wasn't, but it doesn't matter how long a post is here! What is important is that you say/ask what you need to!?

Best wishes ...Rik
 
My 2 cents is GOOD FOR YOU.

Sorry your here for the reasons we all know, but good for you

Nice to see someone searching for the positive light

Pete
 
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