he's afraid of me

[Leosha]

I am away from home right now, with a person I have been helping coach some, he is at a junior competition. And it has been some hard to be around him, because he is 18, age I was when I left my old coach. He looks some as me, just in hair and skin and eyes color, and size. And he came to my coach after having been with my old coach. I remember training with him some there, just for maybe a year. And it scares me some, to be around him, because it triggers the memories, and I worry so much of him, if anything bad was done at him, or if he managed to not be hurt by this man.

I was watching him in practice some early today, and started to panic very much, it was like watching myself in practice, and if that is me, then I must be him, coach? That is how my mind was thinking, and I fully panicked of it, starting flashbacks, and I am in public, trying so hard to make it stop and for it to be okay. And he is asking me what is going wrong, and I am just backing away of everyone, trying to feel safer and not have anyone near me. This boy, he is telling me I am scaring him, and I am feeling so bad of that, and can not explain.

I do not know what to do or say of this, if I should bring things up at him or not. I want to know that he is all right, that nothing happened at him, but I am so afraid that is not the answer I will get, and I do not know what will happen in my brain if I hear of that, that this happens at yet someone else. Feeling scared again, and just want to feel safe. Feeling small, like little child again.


Leosha

 

[Mike Church]

Leosha remember no matter what you are not a perp never were and never will be. There is no way in hell you could ever inflict the sort of pain you have endured on someone else. This young man is depending on you for your intelligence about your sport and is counting on you to help him. THINK OF THAT AT ALL TIMES.

You are there for him. If he has suffered what you have he will let you know in his time if he wishes. What he needs now is a good coach and friend. Be that Leosha, and if something has happened to him it will make him more secure about himself. I suspect it will also make you feel better.

BREAK THE CYCLE

 

[Lloydy]

Leosha
It's up to the young man to bring it up, don't gpo searching yourself. The hurt it will cause you now will be far worse than not knowing.

Part of your fears and the way you feel when you're with this young man is the feeling of YOUR hurt for YOU as a young man, he reminds you of yourself, and what you've missed, what you endured.

It's your pain, and it's a good thing to feel. It strengthens your determination to heal.

Be his friend, coach him the way you would have liked to be coached, with skill, respect and true friendship.

When you become trusted friends, he'll feel safe with you. And that's a wonderful feeling.

Dave

 

[outis]

Leosha,

Listen to what the guys are telling you. You know what a skilled, dedicated athlete needs from his coach. You have the sensitivity, respect, experience, and concern that he needs. Dave is right, coach him the way you should have been coached. Share your own skill and experience to help him be the best that he can. He will appreciate that someday. You will do a measure of good in the world.

Thanks,

Joe