Help!

Help!
L

LupinIII

Registrant
I am beginning to lose site of meaning.

I cannot understand why events happened or why I am here at this stitch in time doing these particular things.

I cannot even muster the hope for my own future because I do not know who I am.

I have also lost the faith I was beginning to build from my 12 step programs. I cannot seem to just go on faith right now.

My mother used me as a partner replacement. I am broken and I can't find my identity. I don't know what else to say accept this is a really tough spot and I feel so lost.

Luckily I have my children and therefor have something very much to live for.

However I seem to be slipping into more depression and anxiety and am afraid I will give myself a heart attack or break down.
 
You are my friend. That is who you are. :-)
 
The same for me as Mike said. ;)

You also said:
Luckily I have my children and therefor have something very much to live for.
Click to expand...
Another thing you are is a really terrific father and boy is that a big thing. :)
 
you are the boy you were and the man you have become. the balance is to become the combination both the boy and man wanted to be, which is done over time and with support from those that care about you and share the journey. i have struggled with the identity thing as well, still do, but what i have learned is that little theo and adult theo are not seperate entities, they are part of the same single entity that needs to find the tie that binds them together and that will bring them into that synthesis of which both would be proud and honored to be a part of. hang in there, it will pass.
 
I think when you start dealing with the abuse, you do lose yourself. You lose the person who grew up from being abused, who used different negative coping skills, who thought maybe very little of himself, etc. What you are becoming is the man you were meant to be, the man you were born to be, who you would be already if you hadn't been abused. So in a way, you are losing 'someone' familiar, in becoming someone else. It is scary sometime, and uncertain. But it will work well.

Good luck.

leosha
 
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