HELP!

HELP!
J

jacob77

HI,
My name is Jacob and I need help. I was sexually assaulted last week. I live in SF and unfortunately, they do not have much in the area of male rape resources. I've been suicidal for the last 3 days. I am a Christian ahd do have faith in God and hope in an afterlife. That in itself doesn't help me deal with pain that much.
I hate myself and I feel this is my fault since it happened at my place. He was kind and considerate, promising not to hurt nor harm me. I believed him. He penetrated me anyway. I'm in deep pain both physically and emotionally. I also have a disability for Major Depression with a secondary disability for fibromyalgia which gets me down a lot since most doctors don't wanna treat it. Please help me.
 
Jacob, I'm going to talk to you just because it looks like I'm the first one to read this. I'm no expert, but there are people on here who are and I'm sure they'll be along and can help you. Maybe some even live in your area and will be able to help you find some resources. So I am just going to say some basic things.

First and foremost, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I cannot even imagine what you must be going through, but I certainly know what being suicidal feels like. Please don't. Nothing is worth that. This is unbevlievably horrible now, but it will get better. I promise.

Now, be kind to yourself. No matter what the circumstance was, this is not your fault. There is absolutely no way this could be your fault. You have been sexually abused. You are the victim here. Don't add guilt and shame to the hurt and pain...physically and mentally you are suffering. Easy for me to say, I know, but please try to get out of that mindset and be easier on yourself.

You have friends here who care that you have been through this, who understand, and will give you as much support as they can.

You also must help yourself by finding some resources. If you are damaged physically, you need to find a way to be treated or at least examined to make sure that serious injury was not done. Do you have a therapist? You said you have faith. Do you belong to a faith group or church? They will help. If you don't, maybe you could find one. I'm gay, and when I was suicidal and at my worst, I just went to an MCC church and sat down and asked for help. I knew they wouldn't turn me away, and they didn't. Sometimes you just have to do something like that. There are people who want to help.

Above all, forgive yourself, and let yourself feel the pain and anguish that you have the right to feel. Guilt will just turn everything in on yourself when what you need is consolation and understanding from yourself as much as anyone else.

I hope one of the knowledgable guys is here for you soon. Hang in there, Jacob. There is help out there. We've just got to help you figure out where to find it. Bobby
 
I'm soory to hear what happened. I have to agree with bobby. There are places that can help but it may be hard to find them. It was for me. I have a 45 mile drive to my T appointments, but it's worth it. I also have to say if you have physical pain to please see a Dr. I know how it feels not to want to go, but everytime I don't go things get way worse. I know how suicide feels like an answer, but it really isn't. I have suicideal thoughts all the time but I promised myself if I ever thought I would do it I would call 911. I ask if you would please do the same. I know life is hard right now but it will get better. I also want to say that it's not your fault. I know how it seems like it is, I do the same thing. You did not ask for it or want it. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. just remember that. Were all here for you. -Dude
 
Jacob
What you have said in your post here tells me that what happened wasn't what you 'wanted' to happen, so it was wrong, and as such it's affecting you.

Please check out the helplines listed at the top of this page under the 'SUICIDE' heading, they will have numbers and places that will help.

It also states the position of Male Survivor towards posts that might be condsidered to have 'suicidal' intentions.
But I will leave your post as it is, you are seeking our help and we will give it.

You are doing the right thing in seeking help, it isn't the cowards way out. Far from it, realizing that you want help is the bravest thing you could do.

Having said that though, I'm sure that a city like SF will have many places and people that you can turn to if you make a few calls.

Go to your Church for a start, I know that many religions are getting a bad press about abuse scandals, but think a little way past the dramatic headlines and the majority of people in those places are good people willing to help.
And with the bad publicity they are probably more aware of abuse problems and have someone trained to deal with them.

I'm lucky enough to have visited SF twice and have seen the size of the Gay community there, and although you were abused by another man in a situation that might to some people seem 'gay' - it wasn't, it was rape. And the responsible people within the Gay community would treat it as rape.
The Gay communities also seem to be very active in forming groups that 'help' not only themselves but others as well, so they will surely have access to some help

Rape Crisis helplines and centres will also help, if not directly they will have the phone numbers to ring.

You found us Jacob, and we're here to help. But if you need local and immediate help just look around and I'm sure it's there somewhere. Maybe some of the local guys here will know more than I do.

But stick around Jacob, we are here for ALL survivors of abuse, we will support and help.

Take care
Dave
 
Jacob,
First of all, I am very sorry for what happened to you. You have come to a good place as most people here have been abused at one point or another in their lives. What you experienced is rape. Plain and simple. It has nothing to do with religion. It has nothing to do with anything you did. it has nothing to do with anything you said. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! The first thing you should do is to get to a hospital if you have not done so. You need to be checked out to make sure you do not have any tearing or anything that could cause you problems. Secondly, as terrible as it is to consider it, you need an aids test, as well as testing for other STDs. Secondly, you need to see a counselor. The emergency room is a great place to hook up with a LCSW who specialises in rape. Now as far as pressing charges, this is a personal thing and do not let them pressure you one way or another. Take care of yourself first! I understand that you are religious, but you have needs that have to come first. God will not turn his back on you because someone took advantage of you. Take care of yourself. Get to the ER, thell them what happened and tell them what you have told us. Tell them you have been suicidal over this. It is okay Jacob! Just last Friday I was suicidal over the same type thing and it happened 40+ years ago. You can survive and you can be okay. Please get the help you need. Please feel free to PM me if you need to. I don't live in SF, but I am just a few hours south.
Broken
 
Jacob
I feel so bad for what happened to you. I will pray for you cause It does work. Take care of yourself and get the help you need. Be strong and when you need someone to talk to send me a PM if you want.
Glen
 
Hi Jacob, I am sorry that you were raped, I am very glad you found this site as fast as you did. I hope that you will come back and become friends with all of us. But right now you need medical attention, as Brokentoys said. I read up on Fibromyalgia as I had no ideal what it was. For others to read also. https://www.fibromyalgia-i.com/ , and https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/tutorials/fibromyalgia/htm/index.htm It seems you may not be able to move on your own, if you cannot get to a hospital on your own then you need to call 911, and have them come get you! Be sure that you let them know that you were raped, the guy likely was not using protection. They need to test for all sexually transmitted diseases, not just aids. Also they need to check to be sure you don't have internal or external damage.

Also were you robbed? I read somewhere that robbers have taken to raping their victims, to keep them from going to the police.

Here is a web page on male rape to get you started. https://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/Male%20Rape%20Info%20Sheet.html

After the medical crisis is taken care of, we can talk of other things like therapy.
Please come back and talk some more.
Lostcowboy
 
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