Help

[john24]

Hello - I am new here but my problem is old. I'm tired of trying to deal with this on my own. Therapists and counselors have been of little help. I do not personally know anyone else who was sexually abused as a child. Like many of you, I feel alone. I was abused from the age of 9 by a teacher at a residential school. It just so happens that it was at the same school that was attended by Joseph Druce, the inmate who recently took the life of former priest John Geoghan. Joseph (previously known as Darrin) and I lived together at the school for about a year. I am sure that we were both abused by the same teacher. I hadn't thought of Darrin since I left the school but hearing his name and seeing his face have triggered all kinds of memories and emotions. Since I do investigative type work for a living I have many resources available to me to help locate people and, after thirty years, I was able to locate the monster who took away my childhood and robbed me of much of the rest of my life. I have confronted him once on the telephone. He is in semi-denial, said he wants to talk to an attorney, needs time to think about how he will respond to my "accusation" but he did not outright deny what happned over a two year period. Of course the next time I tried to reach him, at a time he designated so he would be able to speak freely, he did not answer the telephone. Sorry to be draggin this out. What I'm really looking for is a support group in the Central Massachusetts area. I am tired of the drinking. I am tired of the depression. I am tired of not being the husband and father that I know I can be. I am tired of putting on a happy face when I feel like bursting into tears. I am tired of being a boy, not the man that I know I can be. Please, if any of you can offer any help, I'd appreciate it. Things are feeling very heavy lately.

 

[ScottyTodd]

John24 - I hear and feel your frustration! Sexual abuse may take place over a short span of time but its effects can last a lifetime. I am so very sorry for the deep trauma the school caused you but am glad you found us and posted.

As for support groups in Worchester, MA? Perhaps some of the guys may know or perhaps Outis might refer you to a list on the internet. Ken Singer may have suggestions from those he knows in your area. Some of these folks are just back from the MS.ORG Conference on Minneapolis...so give them some time to respond.

Even though it feels like you are alone, many of us have traveled that same road, John24! We each feel the anger, shame, guilt and covered the horrible feelings in many ways including alcohol, drugs, food, etc. Those of us who are husbands and fathers come to realize the limits the abuse trapped us in. We recognized the short comings we were giving those we love; however,they are common feelings given to all of us. I share this to let you know you are really not alone as long as you have your computer to reach out. I know the face-to-face is needed as well but perhaps you can get to one of the upcoming retreats where you can gather with other men who are recovering from sexual abuse. What you feel and struggle with are common to sexually abused males...I am one and I work with children and teens who were as well. We have more in common than different.

I encourage you to share with us about your hurts and pains, questions, opinions and search the boards present and past for support. I find if I don't get it out (say it, write it, etc.) - I generally act it out in some way. That causes me greater pain since I usually hurt someone I love dearly.

Try not to beat yourself up ("feeling heavy") because I found it did not solve a thing but kept me from focusing on what I could do to help myself. 'Tell me what you CAN DO not what you can't' keeps me focused and action oriented.

Stay with us, John24, and share in the board. It really does help.

Howard

PS. If my story will help connect you and feel not so alone, let me know...here on the board or PM me )at my profile site).

 

[outis]

John24,

I wish you hadn't needed to look for these kinds of resources. No one deserves to be abused, but it does happen. Howard is right, you know. You are not alone. This is not some weird thing that happened only to you. Do take a look around the board and in the Survivor Stories section to see how sexual abuse affects so many of us in the same ways.

I did find a listing at RAINN\'s site for the Rape Crisis Center of Central Massachussets in Worcester, phone (English) 800-870-5905 or (Espaol) 800-223-5001. There was no web site link to them there.

I used the RAINN site to find the Crisis Intervention Center local to me, and I have started seeing a therapist who is helping me greatly.

Mike Lew\'s website, VictimsNoLonger.org may have valuable information, too. Lots of people send stuff to him, and he's in Jamaica Plain, MA. I don't know if that's close to you or not.

Being tired is reason enough to start getting better. I find the support on this board helps me a lot, more than I know how to express. I hope it will be helpful to you to be here, too.

Thanks,

Joe