HELP - TRIGGERS All the Way Down the Rabbit Hole
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HELP - TRIGGERS All the Way Down the Rabbit Hole
- Thread starterselene
- Start date
Selene,
I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you. I imagine waiting for test results would be very stressful. HIV is a very scary disease. Thankfully, it is so much more treatable now then ever before (think Magic Johnson)
Try to stay strong. If you have faith pray. Your family and friends probably care but just dont' know how to verbalize it. They may feel helpless and don't know what to say.
We are all pulling for you
I wish I had some magic words of wisdom for you. I imagine waiting for test results would be very stressful. HIV is a very scary disease. Thankfully, it is so much more treatable now then ever before (think Magic Johnson)
Try to stay strong. If you have faith pray. Your family and friends probably care but just dont' know how to verbalize it. They may feel helpless and don't know what to say.
We are all pulling for you
honey girl
Registrant
Dear Selene,
I am so sorry that you are in such distress.
The uncertainty must be very painful, along with all the other complicated feelings you wrote about.
Many years ago (about 15 now) I worked in a program offering supportive services to people with HIV. I am not well-acquainted with the field any more, but I would like to reassure you that as difficult as it may be for you to wait without knowing, you will be able to cope with whatever lies ahead.
You have already shown yourself to be a strong and resourceful woman. Whatever the next challenges may be, you will be able to figure out what to do next.
It seems to me that you are in crisis mode, and when I am in a crisis I often have trouble remembering to attend to the most simple and basic, but also the most important, elements of self-care. So permit me to offer some suggestions in the form of questions.
What can you do to help yourself maintain stability? Reaching out like this is good, for sure. Can you manage to get some rest? Can you seek out a massage or something comparably soothing? Do you have friends or family nearby in whom you can confide without overwhelming them (or needing to take care of them in return)? Can you eat simple and nourishing food? Can you take a walk, or listen to music, or anything else that brings you back to calm?
You probably are familiar with the AA saying about taking recovery--sobriety--a day at a time. Sometimes, it's more like a minute at a time. Maybe it'll be an hour at a time, soon. But there will probably be no immediate relief, even assuming that you do test negative for HIV, since there are so many other factors now weighing upon you. For now, please try to trust that you can cope with whatever lies ahead, and remind yourself that you are a good and courageous woman. That you have already demonstrated.
I myself have found this community to be a remarkably sustaining one already, and I am sure that if you continue to reach out you will continue to find a helping hand.
All best,
HG
I am so sorry that you are in such distress.
The uncertainty must be very painful, along with all the other complicated feelings you wrote about.
Many years ago (about 15 now) I worked in a program offering supportive services to people with HIV. I am not well-acquainted with the field any more, but I would like to reassure you that as difficult as it may be for you to wait without knowing, you will be able to cope with whatever lies ahead.
You have already shown yourself to be a strong and resourceful woman. Whatever the next challenges may be, you will be able to figure out what to do next.
It seems to me that you are in crisis mode, and when I am in a crisis I often have trouble remembering to attend to the most simple and basic, but also the most important, elements of self-care. So permit me to offer some suggestions in the form of questions.
What can you do to help yourself maintain stability? Reaching out like this is good, for sure. Can you manage to get some rest? Can you seek out a massage or something comparably soothing? Do you have friends or family nearby in whom you can confide without overwhelming them (or needing to take care of them in return)? Can you eat simple and nourishing food? Can you take a walk, or listen to music, or anything else that brings you back to calm?
You probably are familiar with the AA saying about taking recovery--sobriety--a day at a time. Sometimes, it's more like a minute at a time. Maybe it'll be an hour at a time, soon. But there will probably be no immediate relief, even assuming that you do test negative for HIV, since there are so many other factors now weighing upon you. For now, please try to trust that you can cope with whatever lies ahead, and remind yourself that you are a good and courageous woman. That you have already demonstrated.
I myself have found this community to be a remarkably sustaining one already, and I am sure that if you continue to reach out you will continue to find a helping hand.
All best,
HG
Selene,
you are NOT crazy....you are in the middle of a crisis, and from the sounds of things, you are coping really really well.
You need time to adjust to the new reality of everything you're eyes have been opened up to. You are not silly to want to get tested for HIV as soon as possible, you're simply trying to sort out where you're 'at', so you know where to go from that.
When I was in the crisis stage, I went through some very intense emotions, one of which was losing all trust of everyone, including my family, who I didn't feel understood much of what I said to them. But, in hindsite, I think my family have also been hit by the crisis, and in many ways, didn't actually have the resourses to know what might be the right things to do/say. Also I felt unsafe in public places, suffered social anxiety.....these things are beginning to lessen...
The power that the fantasy has over your husband, and many of our survivor partners IS hard to understand, but it's like any other addiction and with help your husband should hopefully be able to regain his right to have control and choice over that whole situation. At the moment it's in the 'out of control' stage and I totally sympathise with how disturbing that must actually be for you.
Allow yourself plenty of time to feel all your emotions Selene....time to process everything, grieve, cry...you'll need all of that....and also try to be as kind to yourself as you possibly can, even if it's just samll things, like lying in the bath for 1/2 hour, having a hot chocolate.....try and eat at least small meals and take some time for yourself, even if you just sit quietly in a room on your own. Try not to worry about how 'crazy' you feel, or any other emotions you might have....it's all NORMAL. There's nothing wrong with anything you might feel, including rage and anger, which you'll probably have to find an outlet for eventually, like punching pillows, exercise, hitting the floor with washing! Some way to vent......
You're doing so well Selen, you couldn't be doing more than you are and if you have days/weeks where you feel you've not managed to take care of yourself/everything's gone to ruins, let it pass and begin afresh.....you WILL be OK.
peace
Beccy
you are NOT crazy....you are in the middle of a crisis, and from the sounds of things, you are coping really really well.
You need time to adjust to the new reality of everything you're eyes have been opened up to. You are not silly to want to get tested for HIV as soon as possible, you're simply trying to sort out where you're 'at', so you know where to go from that.
When I was in the crisis stage, I went through some very intense emotions, one of which was losing all trust of everyone, including my family, who I didn't feel understood much of what I said to them. But, in hindsite, I think my family have also been hit by the crisis, and in many ways, didn't actually have the resourses to know what might be the right things to do/say. Also I felt unsafe in public places, suffered social anxiety.....these things are beginning to lessen...
The power that the fantasy has over your husband, and many of our survivor partners IS hard to understand, but it's like any other addiction and with help your husband should hopefully be able to regain his right to have control and choice over that whole situation. At the moment it's in the 'out of control' stage and I totally sympathise with how disturbing that must actually be for you.
Allow yourself plenty of time to feel all your emotions Selene....time to process everything, grieve, cry...you'll need all of that....and also try to be as kind to yourself as you possibly can, even if it's just samll things, like lying in the bath for 1/2 hour, having a hot chocolate.....try and eat at least small meals and take some time for yourself, even if you just sit quietly in a room on your own. Try not to worry about how 'crazy' you feel, or any other emotions you might have....it's all NORMAL. There's nothing wrong with anything you might feel, including rage and anger, which you'll probably have to find an outlet for eventually, like punching pillows, exercise, hitting the floor with washing! Some way to vent......
You're doing so well Selen, you couldn't be doing more than you are and if you have days/weeks where you feel you've not managed to take care of yourself/everything's gone to ruins, let it pass and begin afresh.....you WILL be OK.
peace
Beccy