HELP-How many survivors have Passive Aggressive Disorder???

HELP-How many survivors have Passive Aggressive Disorder???
B

Brokenhearted

Registrant
Please I need to hear from survivors & family on this!!! Oh, my gosh, I just read the signs of a Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder, and it is my husband to a T! I mean, like every one of the things it mentioned, he's "it", like forgetting to do something on purpose, etc.

Ok, so that's not a good thing b/c I just read that PAPD alone can make therapy very difficult since they are defensive/resentful to the therapist, etc.

I'm wondering how many survivors have this as a side effect of their csa? How common is it?
 
Bh
Funny but on the day that you posted this i also posted questions about csa and passive aggressive behavior. i hope that we get some male survivors to give us some answers. i am as lost as you when it comes to this subject. One thing i know for me is that passive aggressive behavior has been the hardest personality trait for me to deal with. I would rather be punched right in the nose than deal with passive aggressive, at least you know that your in a fight. with passive aggressive behavior you don't ever know what's really going on! example, is he going to do something or not do something today that he was pissed about last week? Anyway, where did yu get your info on PAPD? i would like to read it. Read my post and maybe you can offer some insight into my own PAPD questions. i will post anything i learn. sometimes i wish we could post on the males forum so that we could get assistance on things like this. there are not that many male survivors that come over to our site. the ones that do i am so greatful for their extra effort in doing so to help us. light and luv, cathy
 
bh,
well did it again! i posted my real name. i have never been a very good lier (LOL). light and luv, sis
 
Ok, in reading about my husband's passive-aggressive behaviors, which he does have and has had all along (even though I'm not a dr to diagnose him), it leads into talking about narcissism, and the kinds of narcissism, which can occur as a result to wounds to the self as in csa. It is a form of aggression turned outward, as is passive-aggressive.

https://www.lifeskillstraining.org/assertiveness.htm

Keep scanning down to the word "sex" or narc and you will find it. This page is quite helpful in understanding how a person can become certain things as a result of csa.
 
Dear Brokenhearted,
I just checked out the link you posted above. While the *home page* for this organization, whatever it is, seems promising--I especially like the emphasis on Seligman's Positive Psychology, which is an important innovation in clinical psych--I was less impressed by the particular chapter on passive aggressive behavior. It seemed to me that whoever wrote that was putting in nearly every behavior known under the sun. And some of the language in it suggests to me that this is material that has been long superseded by more nuanced, more carefully considered thinking on this topic.

BH, I am not a trained psychologist, but I am an academic and a csa survivor myself, and in both ways I have come across a lot of different material related to csa and to psychology in general.

I'm afraid that what I am about to say will sound harsh, but I don't mean it to hurt your feelings in any way. And I don't know you or your husband at all, obviously, so there are facts you know better than anyone else ever will. But when you post in rapid sequence a whole series of possible diagnoses for your husband, it reminds me of the common activity of new med students who, as they read through a diagnostic manual, discover that they have every symptom of every disease they come across.

Yes, it is undoubtedly true that csa, and trauma in general, has a serious impact on us. Yes, it is undoubtedly true that the more time that passes without a careful resolution of the psychological effects, the more defended (and context-inappropriate) our reactions may be. But having had csa happen to us does not mean that everything in our lives can be traced back to that. Nor does it mean that the ways we behave are always pathological.

Please, don't get me wrong--I was married to a person with very strong passive-aggressive habits, and it was not at all pleasant. If that's what you're going through, I do feel great sympathy for you. All the same, even that is a behavior that happens in context: my ex appears much less prone to that sort of reaction than he used to be when we were living together (based on what I can tell from the dealings I have with him now, because of our daughter). He has had no therapy, believe me, but other elements of his life have improved and so he is less under stress and therefore less likely to react as defensively.

Does it help you now to be looking through all of these materials to see if there is something else negative you can identify in your husband's behavior? Does it help you feel as though you have some control over the situation, to have a name to attach? Maybe it does. But all of us, myself included, always find it easier to see others more clearly than we see ourselves. There's a parable about that, isn't there--the mote in another's eye easier to see than the beam in one's own?

I encourage you to take a closer look at the Seligman material on positive psychology. Emphasize strengthsyour own, and your husbands. Build on the positive elements of your lives. You have many great goals for yourself; this does not need to hold you back completely. Your post about your plans to go to Japan somedayhow wonderful! Thats an important objective you can plan for, and enjoy every step of the way.

Good luck to you both.
HG
 
HG, thanks and no offense taken. I am not even seening these probably traits of my husband's as necessarily negative things, only understsanding his coping mechanisms better.

I do not see him as a specimen and I really don't like "labels"; I just like understanding and maybe I just find this stuff fascinating. Maybe I should just look for a career in that field b/c of my hunger for this type of knowledge. And really I have always been drawn to psychology all my life.

Someone else pointed out that the article appeared to have been written many, many yrs ago and that today's research or study is more updated and more accurate. So probably that's true.

And you are right, I posted rather quickly as soon as I read of passive-aggressive behaviors and its supposed link to narcissism. And maybe in a week or so I will come back and say, no, there's nothing there at all, or it's totally a different deal altogether...doesn't matter really, it's just interesting to me, and again, I don't wish to label my husband or anyone, only to understand better people's coping mechanisms. I never knew these things or read about them before and am just enjoying the learning. Maybe I'm just a psych junkie.

There are so many positives to my husband and our relationship even now, and I did panic a little last night worrying about if he'll ever agree to see a counselor or T, but I think I've calmed down more today. I am feeling optimistic again today and am thankful for having you and all the others on here to share my knee-jerk fears with. I know that I reacted overzealously after I read that link,but it just blew me out of the water w/ its information. And I know that the most effective way for a person to be diagnosed is s l o w l y in therapy, with the own person's perceptions and careful processing bringing the answers to light for himself. I will never jump out and tell my husband what I think is going on b/c I am not the trained one to do so and it would do more harm than good.

Thanks for the post and my feelings are not hurt :)
 
Brokenhearted I obviously can"t speak for no one else but i can tell you i used to do this all the time so i would get the attention whether it was neg/pos attention and when i didnt get either i would lash out but only behind the backs of others.I would always provoke people so i could not only play the victim when they re-acted but i could also sabotage their cars or anything i knew belonged to them.Constantly i would for example put oil on the car handles and when it was brought up i would say things such as wow why would someone do this , knowing damn well it pissed them off and the more i would show pass/agres behavior and got away with it i'd get a rush of excitement knowing i was crying out for attn and yet unable to stop myself.I am alot more able now that i'm in therapy to tell myself its not right and definitely not sober behavior.I could go on and on with examples but i hope i answered your question.Finally i highly suggest you stay away from label(s) or books on behavior disorders because you're going to make yourself crazy because the behavior you read about you will therefore think your husband is "it" and this can cause you to overthink and anaylize, from the issues i have read on here you are dealing with in your own life along with your husbands will only complicate matters even more so.I hope this makes sense.God bless you.

Coopstah
 
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