help from a female stranger...

[TrailofTears]

I visit a website with a discussion board that has nothing to do with my being a survivor, but a married lady had be-friended me and wanted to know why I was having so many relationship problems, so we agreed due to the personal nature of the question to email one another. I want to share with you the contents of a reply I recieved from her.
(ME): THE THERAPISTS SAID THAT ALL THE THINGS THAT I WAS TOLD ABOUT BEING UNLOVABLE, UNDESIRABLE, AND SEXUALLY INFERIOR WERE LIES. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS IS TRUE?
(HER RESPONSE): OF course those were all lies! You certainly are not any of those things. Your abusers brainwashed you into thinking that all of these things were true. And of course it is hard not to think that these things may be true, that's the damage the abuse did. You are going to have to convince yourself that these things are NOT true, because if not, you will continue to breakdown and scare the ladies away. I know that those understanding types of ladies may be hard to find, but they are out there, I am one of them. My husband is a survivor. You are a compassionate man from what I know of you and you deserve a woman who is also compassionate enough to understand and help you along. She is out there, now you just have to find her!!!

I wanted to share this because this response from my new friend is very healing and I suppose I am the type who needs things spelled out as well. (LOL) If this is not helpful for you then, I hope at least you will share in my happiness of knowing that I am not those twistedly sick things I was told I was.
God Bless!!!
ToT

 

[roadrunner]

ToT,

What your friend told you is absolutely right. One thing we need to do as survivors is talk about all these fears we have. That way we will realize that while we really do feel these things, they are not true! They are just part of the results of what happened to us.

It is difficult to rid ourselves of these feelings, but it can be done and this is something that is being talked about here every day. I hope you will join in when and as you feel you can do so.

Much love,
Larry

 

[WalkingSouth]

ToT,

We were kept prisoners in a silence of fear, shame, and guilt for so long. It is so good to be able to find our voice, say what happened to us and be validated by others who understand. This friend you've made is a "kindred spirit" if ever there was one. Praise the good Lord for her. She's right, you know. If you continue to talk about these things here, it T, and other safe places, you will begin to find healing and wholeness.

Lots of love,

John