Help for F&F,maybe Survivors - my learning journey
HealingHope
Registrant
I feel I want to share a resource and maybe my learning story with MS.
I've been honoured to have found a place here, to support me through my own journey of learning and self understanding, firstly as someone who loves someone who has been affected by the effects of CSA, but also Someone who’s grown to be, I hope at the place maybe I wasnt always able to be, before I learnt so much about the effects of the terrible hand he'd been dealt, through no fault of his own.
I'm myself in a helping profession but that meant nothing when it came down to my own self discovery. As some of you know my SO, stopped staying intouch 3 years ago, he actually told me about this place during the time when something huge happened to him with his abusers. It was helping him back then I think, and I find that there was a reason he told me about here too; I believe because maybe unknowingly to him at the time, I needed to work through so much, to be the support he needs, but also to heal some of my own story too.
Thank you for helping me do this. Thank you for your patience as I have worked hard on my own traits, history and in particular attachment style and triggers.
I'm off on a tangent, sorry... the reason for this post is not just to say thank you, but also to offer a resource that was my first step into understanding CSA as a supporter outside of here.
I took myself off on a training workshop in 2016 and discovered the trainer was a survivor of extensive CSA. They literally paved the way for my understanding,because their story sadly was much like many here.
They have online training and free courses, and their story is nothing short of incredible. Although she is a SHE, she has helped me understand from her own story just how incredible the journey through healing CSA is.
Both this and the guidance I've had from the your prespectives as male survivors here has been his voice, while he's away.
I've recognised how as partners or supporters to our SO's in the throes of recovery and healing, that its so important is to look deep within ourselves to heal too.
When a child is betrayed so deeply by those they should have been able to trust, if as partners we are insecure in our attachments, needy, pushy, simply too much to handle when they need safety, how can we possibly be trusted too?
I know there were times I was needy, insecure, and just damn right impossible at times. My quest has been to heal where those issues were coming from, not just for him but probably more importantly myself. I can hear him saying, "well yea" to the myself bit. He was always so selfless...just listened to my rambling, when I had no idea of the things he was coping with.
I know on the surface, him being away all this time may look odd that I'm still here, but we started something, something I intend to be able to give my best shot to finish.
I miss him every day, think of him when I wake and last thing before I sleep.
I hope that these resources are of help.
To partners and supporters: Read, research and most of all learn all you can about your own part in this relationship. There's a reason our paths crossed, for me, it was because we are a mirror of one another, each saw the strengths in the other and pushed buttons perhaps needed to heal each other, and my hope is that we still can.
Link to the resouces
She has recovered from DID,( Dissocative Identity Disorder) as a result of extensive CSA ( organised abuse and incest) Something I know many survivors here have experienced symptoms of.
She underplays her journey in her video, but her book,recovery is my best revenge tells her story. It would be a trigger, so I wont disclose it here.
Healing Adversity - Carolyn Spring
CSA - Hope for Healing
Her blog is excellent- handling triggers, etc.
Blog
Free stuff
As always, thank you for listening. HH
I've been honoured to have found a place here, to support me through my own journey of learning and self understanding, firstly as someone who loves someone who has been affected by the effects of CSA, but also Someone who’s grown to be, I hope at the place maybe I wasnt always able to be, before I learnt so much about the effects of the terrible hand he'd been dealt, through no fault of his own.
I'm myself in a helping profession but that meant nothing when it came down to my own self discovery. As some of you know my SO, stopped staying intouch 3 years ago, he actually told me about this place during the time when something huge happened to him with his abusers. It was helping him back then I think, and I find that there was a reason he told me about here too; I believe because maybe unknowingly to him at the time, I needed to work through so much, to be the support he needs, but also to heal some of my own story too.
Thank you for helping me do this. Thank you for your patience as I have worked hard on my own traits, history and in particular attachment style and triggers.
I'm off on a tangent, sorry... the reason for this post is not just to say thank you, but also to offer a resource that was my first step into understanding CSA as a supporter outside of here.
I took myself off on a training workshop in 2016 and discovered the trainer was a survivor of extensive CSA. They literally paved the way for my understanding,because their story sadly was much like many here.
They have online training and free courses, and their story is nothing short of incredible. Although she is a SHE, she has helped me understand from her own story just how incredible the journey through healing CSA is.
Both this and the guidance I've had from the your prespectives as male survivors here has been his voice, while he's away.
I've recognised how as partners or supporters to our SO's in the throes of recovery and healing, that its so important is to look deep within ourselves to heal too.
When a child is betrayed so deeply by those they should have been able to trust, if as partners we are insecure in our attachments, needy, pushy, simply too much to handle when they need safety, how can we possibly be trusted too?
I know there were times I was needy, insecure, and just damn right impossible at times. My quest has been to heal where those issues were coming from, not just for him but probably more importantly myself. I can hear him saying, "well yea" to the myself bit. He was always so selfless...just listened to my rambling, when I had no idea of the things he was coping with.
I know on the surface, him being away all this time may look odd that I'm still here, but we started something, something I intend to be able to give my best shot to finish.
I miss him every day, think of him when I wake and last thing before I sleep.
I hope that these resources are of help.
To partners and supporters: Read, research and most of all learn all you can about your own part in this relationship. There's a reason our paths crossed, for me, it was because we are a mirror of one another, each saw the strengths in the other and pushed buttons perhaps needed to heal each other, and my hope is that we still can.
Link to the resouces
She has recovered from DID,( Dissocative Identity Disorder) as a result of extensive CSA ( organised abuse and incest) Something I know many survivors here have experienced symptoms of.
She underplays her journey in her video, but her book,recovery is my best revenge tells her story. It would be a trigger, so I wont disclose it here.
Healing Adversity - Carolyn Spring
CSA - Hope for Healing
Her blog is excellent- handling triggers, etc.
Blog
Free stuff
As always, thank you for listening. HH
