Hello all,

First off, thanks for creating this space. I’m really looking forward to join a place where everybody can understand and won’t judge.

I’m a 44 old male from Spain. I suffered abuse by a neighbor between 6 and 9, he was the father of my friend. This then friend of mine also abused me although I can’t blame him as he had it almost every day at his own place and didn’t know anything else. I’ve always had some memories of the abuse, but I really struggled to accept them and preferred to live in denial and just believe that my head was making it all up. But I guess you can’t flee from something like this and it always catches up.

I’ve had several breakdowns over my life where flashbacks and memories came back, but I never got help and always ended denying it again and basically forgetting what came back. I just remember traces of those episodes. Last year I had a new one and this time I didn’t manage to shake it away and finally started therapy this December. Acceptance is hard and therapy is hard work, but I hope it’s worth it on the long run, I’d really like to enjoy life how it’s supposed to.

Now at least I’m slowly putting the puzzle pieces together, although I still fear what might still be there. I don’t think a couple of memories reflect all the reality of three years of abuse. I’m also worried about my time in the US. I lived for some years in Seattle and went to the boy scouts there. I remember some stuff from that time, but zero from the boy scouts, and I shudder every time I think about it, hope it’s just paranoia.

In any case thank you very much for accepting me here!
Hi Darcanlos

I hope you find this a helpful space. There are a lot of men going through similar issues to you, and willing to help and support others on the site. Reading the posts, messaging people, chatting, there are a lot of things you can use the site for. I hope it helps you find peace on your journey.
Welcome @Darcanlos! Sorry you have to be here, but we are glad to have you. Kudos for starting therapy. I too hope you are able to unravel things to a point of healing where you can enjoy life and relationships like they were intended!
Thank you all for the warm welcome. Have been looking around the site all day and already can tell that it’s going to help me. Really thank you so much
We've all struggled with fragmented memories of what happened to us @Darcanlos, so you're definitely not alone. But you're taking important steps toward healing, both by beginning therapy and by introducing yourself on this website. Yes, we know this territory from first hand experience. What you share here will be received without judgment and if you're open to support, it will surely be available. I encourage you to ramble around the website and read what strikes your fancy. You're always welcome to join ongoing conversations and to initiate ones that convey your concerns, as you've done here. Welcome my friend. This is the club no hoped to join but is relieved to find when we're finally prepared to look squarely at the trauma(s) we experienced as boys. All the best on your healing journey.
Hi Darcanlos.

Welcome to the forum, it's a great place and has helped me a lot with my issues, its friendly, supportive and non judgemental.