Hello
Hello. I joined back in March and was warmly greeted by a moderator,but I stopped coming pretty quickly-one person was talking in a manner that I was concerned was triggering for me and I found an abundance of pain here and I just couldn’t deal with it.
The physical abuse I suffered was a very long time ago,although I still greatly suffer from my emotional abuse. I see an exceptional therapist,but she has a very lenient policy and I almost always end up cancelling my appointments. My therapist specializes in men who have been abused. For years I saw male therapists-most of my life and I was hugely abusive of them. The last one I saw I was so abusive that I’m surprised he never kicked me out of his office. I was very very difficult with him,always like a child having a tantrum. It was suggested to me to stop seeing men because my rage was uncontrollable. But just writing this I realize I was so full of rage because I was repeatedly abused by a male therapist when I was a boy. I have never made the connection before.
I suffer from depression and the worst rage and I always seeking out arrangements that are unhealthy and hurting. I don’t know how to change nor understand why I continue to be the way I am.I am always looking for inappropriate men to rescue me. My rage is very destructive and painful,as are my inappropriate relationships. My therapist wants to begin discussing trauma with me,but I just can’t go there it’s too terrifying.
Thank-you for listening.
The physical abuse I suffered was a very long time ago,although I still greatly suffer from my emotional abuse. I see an exceptional therapist,but she has a very lenient policy and I almost always end up cancelling my appointments. My therapist specializes in men who have been abused. For years I saw male therapists-most of my life and I was hugely abusive of them. The last one I saw I was so abusive that I’m surprised he never kicked me out of his office. I was very very difficult with him,always like a child having a tantrum. It was suggested to me to stop seeing men because my rage was uncontrollable. But just writing this I realize I was so full of rage because I was repeatedly abused by a male therapist when I was a boy. I have never made the connection before.
I suffer from depression and the worst rage and I always seeking out arrangements that are unhealthy and hurting. I don’t know how to change nor understand why I continue to be the way I am.I am always looking for inappropriate men to rescue me. My rage is very destructive and painful,as are my inappropriate relationships. My therapist wants to begin discussing trauma with me,but I just can’t go there it’s too terrifying.
Thank-you for listening.