Hello
Hi,
I am a survivor. I’m also a family man, a husband & a father to a wonderful woman & my kids. I am very lucky to have them although I don’t always feel like I’m worthy of them. I am trying to live as best as I can after years of repressing so many things. Those things all came back to me almost five years ago, I think. My wife knows exactly when it was. I am working again for the first time since those five years ago but the career I began after plenty of failed attempts to start a productive life is over. I’m just glad to be able to work again.
I made it through some hard & confusing years, first suffering from physical abuse from my father from my earliest memories until after he was gone when I was eleven. I was sexually abused from then until I was thirteen. Drug & alcohol abuse were also forced on me. After the abuse was I think the hardest part of my life. My family was separated & I lived my life with a lot of poor decisions.
Before my father left, I was a good kid, but I was harshly criticized by my father, a career military man. I think this is why he was physically abusive to me. I was later diagnosed with Bipolar disorder after having made more than one attempt on my life. Years later I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD.
These days I am back to being the funny guy I was before the “breakdown,” or whatever that was. I don’t flash back with the frequency or intensity that I had been, & that goes for the nightmares as well. I have set backs. I am now off of the meds for my bipolar issue (with my doc’s blessing), but although my moods are less severe, I still have them. I am much better now than I was five years ago, but it’s still difficult at times. Sometimes I feel like it would be good for me to have someone who can relate to me to talk to, sometimes I just want to do some research & sometimes I just want to forget & go back to my life of ignorant bliss, but I know that’s not healthy for me.
So this is the basics of who I am. I am hoping that this will be a good experience.
I am a survivor. I’m also a family man, a husband & a father to a wonderful woman & my kids. I am very lucky to have them although I don’t always feel like I’m worthy of them. I am trying to live as best as I can after years of repressing so many things. Those things all came back to me almost five years ago, I think. My wife knows exactly when it was. I am working again for the first time since those five years ago but the career I began after plenty of failed attempts to start a productive life is over. I’m just glad to be able to work again.
I made it through some hard & confusing years, first suffering from physical abuse from my father from my earliest memories until after he was gone when I was eleven. I was sexually abused from then until I was thirteen. Drug & alcohol abuse were also forced on me. After the abuse was I think the hardest part of my life. My family was separated & I lived my life with a lot of poor decisions.
Before my father left, I was a good kid, but I was harshly criticized by my father, a career military man. I think this is why he was physically abusive to me. I was later diagnosed with Bipolar disorder after having made more than one attempt on my life. Years later I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD.
These days I am back to being the funny guy I was before the “breakdown,” or whatever that was. I don’t flash back with the frequency or intensity that I had been, & that goes for the nightmares as well. I have set backs. I am now off of the meds for my bipolar issue (with my doc’s blessing), but although my moods are less severe, I still have them. I am much better now than I was five years ago, but it’s still difficult at times. Sometimes I feel like it would be good for me to have someone who can relate to me to talk to, sometimes I just want to do some research & sometimes I just want to forget & go back to my life of ignorant bliss, but I know that’s not healthy for me.
So this is the basics of who I am. I am hoping that this will be a good experience.
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