Hello

[Mothman]

Hi I'm new to the website, I was hoping to share an essay I have written regarding CSA but there doesn't appear to be the ability to upload documents. Is anyone aware of a way that I could share it with survivors here besides copy and pasting it from word?

Basically the essay is an analysis of my experience and the experience of other survivors I have spoken to, I'd like to know how many people would agree or disagree with the assertions and conclusions that I have made, if anyone knows a way that I can share it please do let me know, it isn't very long (about 3000 words)

 

[WG]

Hey, mothman - I think one of the admin guys will need to answer you on this......

 

[Ceremony]

I'm also new.

 

[honorableman]

Hi Ceremony,
I read your story and just wanted you to know that I too was assaulted/raped by two people - in my case my boss, a woman and her husband. I was young like you.

It was not your fault and you can heal and rise above it. One can be raped and not be shamed is an important lesson that I have learned and thought it might help to pass on to you.

You were trapped with no way out. It was violent and was going to become more so. Although tough to accept, I prefer the term rape over molestation in your case and in mine. You did not participate in the rape my friend. As a matter of fact I think you did a damn fine job of resisting the rape by tightening your body and going into the bathroom. You were not molested.

Michael

 

[Ceremony]

I appreciate the compassion

 

[GMan]

Hi all. I hope you don't mind me commenting. I, too, agree with the word "rape." I had always referred to what happened to me in as molestation but that is not what it was. I was abducted and I was raped, at knife-point. I was trapped and had no where to run. Being a 9 year old boy I was defenseless as well. I went into a state of shock and complied.

Thanks for letting me comment.

 

[Ceremony]

Hello GMan

 

[Bluedogone]

Hi Mothman

Welcome to MS.

It's a good sign that you're in a stage of your recovery that you want to share experiences. It seems the more we are comfortable writing and sharing, the less power the abuse will have in our lives. Not being very computer literate I've no idea about uploading documents, but the icons above the message box are fairly simple to use and may work for the format you have. Keep in mind that posts to Survivor Story can not be edited while posts in other sections of the forum can be.

 

[WG]

Mothman - I think you'll discover as I have, that there is compassion and truth to be found here. Yes, I, too, would use the word ' rape' for what happened. I was groomed, seduced and both molested and raped.....I can say that now. I could never have even considered typing let alone actually speaking those words 2 years ago before I began therapy. I have been able to see that it was not my fault, I did nothing to tell him it was OK, I did nothing to even give him permission to invade me. However, today, as a grown man (that took some time for me to see - that I'm a grown man) I can say it.
Everyone in here, including me, will tell you to take your time, say what you feel OK saying when you feel its time to do so. This is a safe place.
Welcome.

 

[C. E.]

There is an interesting aspect of the conversation here - the difference between "rape" and "molestation." I've never really considered molestation to be rape, although the more enlightened conventional wisdom says that is what molestation is. I still think of rape as implying a fight, and a fight implies a demonstrated will to resist and the integrity that comes with it. For those of us who were groomed, seduced, and made to participate to the point where we surrendered to our own sexual responses, it can be a special hell, a crazy weed in our souls that grows slowly and ultimately chokes everything we become as adults.

Maybe the difference between being forcibly raped and being molested is like the difference between being stabbed and drinking sweet poison - one hurts like hell and you scream with no contradictions between what you feel and what you know - while in the other case, you drink willingly then die a slow death, blaming yourself all the way down.

 

[Shyshark]

 

[Ceremony]

Best wishes.

 

[Ceremony]

How's it going Mothman?