hello

hello
Seb,

Sorry I had to step out, but I live in Europe so I'm at least five hours ahead of you.

I guess it's a bit much to just say "hello" and then find that suddenly everyone is responding to you! That's just because we do get teenagers here and the first thing we wonder is, of course, the very important question: Are you safe?

You are absolutely right to come here, and no, you won't get into trouble for it. Anything you say here is okay, so just talk about whatever you want, at whatever pace you feel you can handle. If you are angry, let it out; if you are scared, that's okay too.

The most important thing I think you need to hear right now is that no one here will blame you or judge you. Everyone will believe you and support you, and hopefully talking about things will help you.

Talking really is the first step in changing things for the better, and you have already started doing that today.

Much love,
Larry
 
its just me and my father(mike) at home
and he hates me and im not sure why he
does but he does and he always has so
its just always been this way so it seems
normal.
 
Seb,
Do you feel guilt for this hatred you feel your father has for you? I can't talk for you and wouldn't want to but in my past guilt filled a vacum when only I felt worthy of blame for things.
 
Why? Do you think its your fault he hates you.
Its never as clear cut as that, but many guys have gone through the same things with their dads,

ste
 
Seb,

You are very new here, so of course it's difficult to say much yet. But are you sure your father hates you? A father can often feel a lot of frustration and anger about the situation with his son, but that doesn't mean he hates him.

When I was a teenager I also felt that my Dad must hate me, but in fact what was wrong was that I hated myself because of what had happened to me.

Much love,
Larry
 
yes i know for sure that he hates me theres no question about it. its my fault because i just dont do the right thing
 
Seb,

You are 16; he is an adult. Are you always supposed to know the right thing to do, without finding your way first? That's what life experience is all about.

If there is a particular "right thing" you aren't doing, you may have a very good reason. There are some things that are right, but still impossible for us at the moment.

Is there one "right thing" that's on your mind? If so, feel free to talk about it if you can.

Much love,
Larry
 
i dont mean the right thing i mean i dont do anything right or its never good enough as far as he knows. its hard to say.its everything do and everything i say, how i look, what i wear, my friends, everything.
 
So it's a massive step that you've come here to talk about it. I've been here for a few months now and can assure you it's a safe place were you can talk about anything.

Has it always seemed like this or was there an event that changed things?
 
Again I don't know all the details but I can imagine that had a massive effect on both of you. If you feel happy to give a very rough location, even just a country, I'm sure some members would be able to point you in the direction of some local support. If you don't feel comfortable enough to do that at the moment that's fine as well.

Are there any friends or family you feel you could talk to about this?

It's hard to build up trust again.
 
i dont trust anybody and theres nobody around here that i would talk to about it anything i say or do gets back to him then i get in trouble
 
OK if your US based I'm prorably not the best person to advise you as I'm in the UK. But there are support networks out there. I work as a social worker and am fully aware of the stigma of using professional support network's so take your time and we're always here.

Mark
 
Seb,

That's a tough one, and there are several ways to look at it. One is that you are going through a lot of changes right now as you grow up. It's not easy for anyone: not you and not your Dad either. He may not understand that many of the things you do and the ways you act are part of you discovering what sort of guy you want to be as an adult - you are finding ways of declaring your independence. He may look at all this and think, however, that you are unwilling to take suggestions or cricisism and just won't listen.

My point here is that a parent and a teen can see things in very different ways. I know that's the way it was with my Dad and me for awhile. He hated my clothes, my long hair, Jimi Hendrix and so on. But in time it did get better. And in the end I could see that through all that he never hated ME.

The other way to see things, however, is more difficult to talk about. There ARE unfortunately plenty of cases where parents are just not able or willing to give their son a break: everything little thing he says and does gets criticized and judged. That isn't fair, and it's not right.

Maybe it would be possible to talk to your Dad about these things, and if not, to talk to other safe adults you know. Maybe they won't be able to change things, but they could support you and help you to see that you don't deserve to be treated like this.

What's really important is that you know and believe (these are not the same thing) that you are special, important and worth loving. Guys often dislike thinking like this; they think they're supposed to be tough and that's it. But that's bullshit Seb. Every teen needs these things and every teen deserves them.

Much love,
Larry
 
i know the difference between just not getting along and really hating someone. my friend doesnt get along with his dad either but his dad doesnt hit him or hurt him or make him feel so bad or ashamed he wants to kill himself. theres a huge difference
 
Yup there IS a huge difference there.
I can't say I know exactly how you feel because I don't, I'm not you. But I can totally relate to what you're saying. I used to think my dad hated me too, he used to hurt me a alot and it was always my fault too, never his. What I found out was that he didn't hate me, he hated himself and just used me to take all his anger out on. It wasn't personal, just convenient.
Jay
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top