hello

well, if you were molested, then this is the place for you. welcome...

jeff
 
Sebastian,
Let me tell you, my first time here felt strange too. But it was also a huge relief to find out thousands of other guys were in exactly the same boat as I was. So, look around, read, learn, and then decide if you want to stay.
Paul
 
ok thanks. i want to stay i just don't want to get in trouble here is all. and i dont think anybody is in my boat.
 
Seb,

Well, you know what this site is about, so I assume you have some problems you are struggling with. Right?

If that's the case, then sure, you belong here. Don't feel you are too young - we have quite a few other teenagers here, and in any case, us older guys don't mind talking to you. You aren't alone, and you will find a lot of understanding and support here.

It's okay if it feels strange at first. Most of us feel that way when we first arrive. Just take your time and find your own pace. No one will rush you.

And by the way, no one will blame you either. You may feel very guilty or ashamed if things happened to you. It's very normal if you feel that way, but one thing you will very quickly learn here is that whatever happened it wasn't your fault.

But anyway, welcome to Male Survivor and I hope the site can help you.

Much love,
Larry
 
how can you say it wasn't my faul when you don't even know what happened? and what if it was my fault? then what?
 
Hi Seb,

Good question - I'm glad you asked.

I can say it wasn't your fault because there just isn't any "then what", as you put it. It can NEVER be the boy's fault, no matter WHAT happened. Not ever.

Pedophiles are experts at getting boys to trust them, or else just tricking them. The boy may think the abuser is his friend and the sex is a part of the friendship, or he may like the abuser and fear that if he says no he will lose the abuser's affection and attention, or he may just be too scared and confused to know how to get the abuser to stop, or the abuser may have tricked and shamed the boy into thinking that if he tells no one will believe him. And so on. There are lots of other examples I could give.

It's never a boy's job to out-think an adult in a sexual situation. In fact, the abuse will sometimes happen so fast or so cleverly that the boy doesn't even see what's going on until it's too late. I remember when I was first abused I just stood there like a deer in the headlights. I had trusted him because he was a friend of my Dad's, a Scout leader, and a guy I knew from our church. Then suddenly I was all alone with him and, well, it just happened. I was too scared and confused to know what else to do, except exactly what he told me to do. I didn't even know this was sex - but it wasn't my job to know that; it was that guy's job to keep his hands off me.

But if you think it was your fault, you should know that almost all guys do at first and that there are many reasons why they think that. But all the reasons are false. It's something to talk about, and pretty soon you get the idea why you're to blame for absolutely nothing. This isn't survivor propaganda, it's just the truth. ;)

Much love,
Larry
 
Seb,

You have every right to feel scared, and every boy does when he's been abused. It's rough dealing with these feelings, and that's why we have this site - so guys have a safe place to come and talk about things.

It's very common for a guy to feel guilty too. He looks back and he remembers things he thinks he should have stopped, avoided, or whatever. But as I said, pretty soon you will see that none of it was your fault.

Look at it this way. Suppose you have a motorcycle and it catches fire. I throw you a complicated fire extinguisher with the instructions in German, and I tell you, "Here, put out your fire". Then when you can't do it because you can't read the instructions or figure out the extinguisher, I get in your face for letting your bike burn. What would you think?

See what I mean?

Much love,
Larry
 
yes i see what you mean. but some people say and do stuff that make it seem like its your fault even if it isnt. or even if you know its not your fault you just say it is because you have to. then i guess you just believe it after a while.
 
seb16 - I'm glad you found our site and had the courage to speak up. By the way, I see you're 16...is that correct? Many young guys come here and with the same sense of fear, being scared, not sure what to say (they usually have kept the "secret" for some time). You can share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. We here have been through sexually abusive situations as kids (children and/or teens). Very similar feelings result from sexual abuse...that's why some of the guys may say "it wasn't your fault" or "you shouldn't be afraid" or "you are safe here" - these are some of the feelings we felt and maybe they could be some of what you feel. In any case, you can share what you need to and ask for what help you need! By the way, if you feel comfortable sharing the information, it sounds like you may still be in your abuse? Yes? No? We are here for you!!! You are not alone!!

Howard
 
thanks. i'm not sure what to say because i dont want to get anybody in trouble and i dont know who would even believe me. things happen still yes but its my fault when they do so i shouldnt complain about it.
 
seb16 - The easiest thing is to believe we are at fault for what's happening because it gives us the illusion we have some control. Even if it feels good, it is NOT a sign we want it to happen NOR that we let it happen. Too often we can no0t stop the abuse from happening and we need help. The abuse will stop only when YOU speak up! Tell a teacher (not the perp), a guidance counselor, a therapist, a REAL friend, the police, local Childline (1-800-932-0313 - there is no charge for this call), a very trusted family member (aunt, uncles, grandparents, etc.), a trusted neighbor, any trusted adult...but you need to be strong! Just like the courage to post lead you to speak out; you have the courage to speak up!! PM me, speak to Thad, any Mod...you need help and you are the only one who can reach out and get it for yourself!! You should - can - ought to - complain!! The abusers in the wrong no matter what!! I know - I too was once a sexual abuse victim!! Reach out and ask - make the call!!!

Howard

PS: read your Private Messages!
 
thanks again but you know what i didnt decide to come here so people could tell me what i have to do or what i should do i already know all that. i just thought it would be an ok place to just talk about things and not get in any trouble for it.
i did read it. i replied.
you can call me seb. you dont have to keep putting the 16 there.
 
Seb,
Welcome. Here it's all at your pace. People may seem like they are telling you what to do but 99% of the time it's not meant like that and it's well meaning. We've all travelled our own paths and I'm sure you'll find yours. If MS and a few guys help you on the way all the better.

We're always here.

Mark
 
Seb,

talk when you are ready but welcome to MS as we call it, you dont have to talk, it often takes ages but you will get to know that none of us are here to tell you what to do or feel like.

We know you are hurting, but it is up to you to talk or not, as you wish.
At least you have made a huge step to join the place and that is a massive thing to do.

Welcome,

ste
 
Seb,

just a note to say, we may be the only ppl you ever talked to in life, but hey, a load of guys felt like you, I did for sure.

There is nothing these guys wont do, to at least listen, and sometimes it is all that you need, to think hey, nobody is telling me the wrong stuff.

It is difficult but not impossible, and I hope you feel you can trust these guys, they are the best of Earth,

ste
 
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