Hello; possible triggers
Hello,
I am new here. A brief description of my experiences: my mom flirted with me and acted, said inappropriate things to me from a very early age until I moved out at 18. My stepdad was very crude, spoke about women in a nasty way, would tell me to get laid or look at those tits. Showed me porn, gave me a nude calendar of women when I was in 4th grade. A boy who was 13 when I was 10 had sex with animals in front of me, masturbated in front of me, masturbated a dog and horses in front of me, tried to have sex with my friend.
A next door neighbor, who was the foster parent of the 13 year old, would have boys over to go in his hot tub naked. He would pinch our butts, I had to give him a back rub once and he only had his towel on. He would show us movies with overt sexuality. I ended up testifying against him in court related to something that happened to one of my friends.
When I was 13 or 14 an 18 year old guy befriended me. One night he told me to open my mouth and he put a pill in it. The pill was ecstacy. He started talking with me about homosexuality. My dad pulled up at this point and I left. Another night he gave me alcohol, got in a hot tub, gave me a back rub, I gave him one. He said I was too drunk to go home, demanded that I spend the night. I wouldn't, so he went into a rage. I left though.
When I was 13 or 14 I was riding the train across the by myself and I was befriended by a guy in his 50s. He was very nice, gave me cigarettes, and we talked late into the night in the observation car. He started talking about sexual things, what would I do if I woke up and some guy was sucking my dick? I said I don't know. He put his hand on my thigh. I jumped up, and went to the bathroom. He was waiting for me outside the bathroom, smiling. I got away and went to my seat, and never saw him again.
I have struggled with depression, shame, and sexuality issues for my life. I am and have been more attracted to women through out my life, but I am attracted to guys at times. This causes great shame, and I call myself gay. When I was young I froze up my sexuality so I wouldn't get hurt.
I am married for 20 years and have 2 kids. My wife knows about everything, but I still go through depression and shame. I want to get past this.
Thanks for reading.
I am new here. A brief description of my experiences: my mom flirted with me and acted, said inappropriate things to me from a very early age until I moved out at 18. My stepdad was very crude, spoke about women in a nasty way, would tell me to get laid or look at those tits. Showed me porn, gave me a nude calendar of women when I was in 4th grade. A boy who was 13 when I was 10 had sex with animals in front of me, masturbated in front of me, masturbated a dog and horses in front of me, tried to have sex with my friend.
A next door neighbor, who was the foster parent of the 13 year old, would have boys over to go in his hot tub naked. He would pinch our butts, I had to give him a back rub once and he only had his towel on. He would show us movies with overt sexuality. I ended up testifying against him in court related to something that happened to one of my friends.
When I was 13 or 14 an 18 year old guy befriended me. One night he told me to open my mouth and he put a pill in it. The pill was ecstacy. He started talking with me about homosexuality. My dad pulled up at this point and I left. Another night he gave me alcohol, got in a hot tub, gave me a back rub, I gave him one. He said I was too drunk to go home, demanded that I spend the night. I wouldn't, so he went into a rage. I left though.
When I was 13 or 14 I was riding the train across the by myself and I was befriended by a guy in his 50s. He was very nice, gave me cigarettes, and we talked late into the night in the observation car. He started talking about sexual things, what would I do if I woke up and some guy was sucking my dick? I said I don't know. He put his hand on my thigh. I jumped up, and went to the bathroom. He was waiting for me outside the bathroom, smiling. I got away and went to my seat, and never saw him again.
I have struggled with depression, shame, and sexuality issues for my life. I am and have been more attracted to women through out my life, but I am attracted to guys at times. This causes great shame, and I call myself gay. When I was young I froze up my sexuality so I wouldn't get hurt.
I am married for 20 years and have 2 kids. My wife knows about everything, but I still go through depression and shame. I want to get past this.
Thanks for reading.
