hello loving people....

hello loving people....
marc, joe, and jeff,

thank you...very much...have had a couple of bad days with the whole phoenix bishop thing just blowing my mind...i really appreciate your encouragement and your reassurance...

i really do understand venting out of rage...i understand the pain of feeling betrayed and spiritually abused (not to mention physically and emotionally)...i guess, much as i think i am ready to face these things, i find the generalizations hard to deal with, so please understand that i feel very strongly that it is important for people to be honest about their feelings and it is important to put a voice to this sense of betrayal...i am just not personally sure that i can handle it...

went to a meeting for "snap" about two months ago and it was so incredibly painful to listen to the stories of other people and to feel their grief...i pray continuously for the healing of all the innocents who have ever been harmed in this way...i never want to contribute to a culture of secrecy and abuse, so it is very difficult for me to sit in a room and try to say that the faith is not the abuser, that God is not out to get people, etc.

i think it is good for me to be here...i hope i have the strength to stay and learn to face some of this...as i sid in another post somewhere, this is what i believe i need in my healing right now: to learn to be able to be sensitive to others with out taking it all so personally...

bless you, thank you for your words, jeff...your honesty is very consoling....
 
I am new here also, I think more new than you are maybe. I just want to say, what you say of forgiving that person, and loving him in Christ, that amazes me. I am right now some angry with my beliefs, and can not imagine forgiving the man who does these things at me so long. I do not know that if it is needed to forgive him, if I will ever do this "healing". But you are sounding much stronger than I am.
 
Leosha
begin by forgiving yourself.

It might sound simple, but what I mean is push your abuser as far away as you can for now, he's not important to you at all at this stage in your recovery.

The important person is YOU, spend your time and energy on yourself.
There's no need to ask questions such as "why me ?" - "why did he do it ?" right now.

Work on regaining your strength and overcoming your problems, and later - when you are strong again - those questions will be easier.

I can't remember what sport you're involved with, but don't stop doing that, keep training as hard as you can. Work off your anger in the gym or the field and become the best athelete you can.
That way you'll regain your self esteem and confidence and prove to yourself that you are the man you deserve to be.

Dave
 
leosha,

please do not feel like it must come easy...i have always found all my strength in God...nothing comes between us (well okay, it does when i am feeling sorry for myself...ha)...but it is no cakewalk and forgiveness came first as a practice long before it came from my heart...especially forgiveness for myself...

i think you need to take care of "you" first, as dave says...you cannot care for or about another person (let alone your abuser) if you yourself are not well...

be gentle with yourself...try not to get too overwhelmed...everyone works at their own pace in their own way...

i am praying for you...
 
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