hello loving people....

hello loving people....
G

godsrabbit

Registrant
hello, i am new here...

i confess reading this board is very hard...i feel an enormous sense of connectedness to your pain, and at the same time i am scared out of my wits...

would it be too much to ask, up front, please no one talk to me about God?

...my relationship with God is being worked out...i am a faithful and devout Catholic...the scandal distresses me dreadfully...disrespect to the Church distresses me dreadfully...i understand anger and resentment and all of that, but it is not useful to me for my own health, so please forgive me if i shy away from talks of God or if i get squirrely about abuse issues dealing with the Church...it is not that i am closed-minded, i just do not wish to be attacked....

if it helps at all to tell you, i am a survivor of multiple abuses (as many of you are)....i was raped as a child by a neighbor (at age eight), and late abused by a woman teacher, then by a male professor (who yes, was a religious)...i do not like to say that for fear it is fuel...i love this man in Christ and i forgive him and i accept responsibility for enabling his sins and illness...

sheesh...this is some introduction...i hope i do not come off as too defensive or hostile...i am neither...i am just trying to find a comfort zone and i am frightened of being baited or bullied or put down for my faith...

i just wanted to be honest...i hope that is all right?

:confused:
 
Godsrabbit
welcome, and I'm sure we can offer you our usual level of support, help and friendship.

If you've looked at all the site you'll have seen the different forums, and have seen that most religious discussion goes on in the religion forum.
Sometimes it gets to questioning beliefs, but it's done in the spirit of good discussion and support.
But you're welcome to use the site as it suits yourself.

The Moderators here work hard to keep the site safe for us all, they are all volunteers and we cover all the forums. We try to keep interference to a minimum, and personal attacks are not tolerated on this site. So your position and views will be safe.
If you feel at all unsure or threatened please tell one of the Moderators.

Dave
 
Godsrabbit

I echo Dave's post. And welcome. It is terrible what brought you here but you are in the right place.

So read, post, listen and heal with us.

Mike
 
Godsrabbit,

"Be not afraid", you have full control here. Like the rest of us, coming here will most certainly be a corner turned in your life. Be comforted to know that the spirit lives here. Welcome!

Ron
 
thank you loydy, mikechurch, and sans logo...

thank you for your reassurance and i am sorry to come in so defensive, just have seen so much ugliness on forum boards and in chat rooms and i am tired....

i started posting online and chatting as a way of trying to cope with self-injury (it has worked largely...i have been "clean" since october...but there are moments when i think i get overwhelmed and reading others' reactions and responses is more harm than good...i think the online community is an important resource and i believe in it...just have been burned a few times for not setting boundaries....

bless you...i will try to be as open here as i can...i do not wish to walk in fear...i know that is not what God wants....
 
Godsrabbit,
Welcome. You will find great support here. The guys on this board are the greatest group of men anywhere in the world. Im happy to hear you've been "clean" sence October. My daughter SI's as well, if you need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me or something. Just wanted to say welcome to you. Your safe here.
James
 
bless you...i will try to be as open here as i can...i do not wish to walk in fear...i know that is not what God wants....
Click to expand...
Godsrabbit,

None of us want to walk in fear. As Dave pointed out, the moderators here do an excellent job keeping this place safe for you and me and the other brothers (and sisters).

Yeah, be as open as you can, that's an excellent start. I'm only into "start" myself, but I think that's probably an excellent "middle" and "later" for your recovery, too.

Thanks,

Joe
 
thank you outis and james...

someone else here said they had been on a survivor forum that was mostly for women...me too...what was lacking there was a sense of people really understanding from the male point of view...even though i get along better with women in "intimate" discussions overall, i am at a point in my life where i feel like i need to learn to talk frankly with other men...and to trust that it is okay...

thank you all for making me feel safe here...
 
godsrabbit - Welcome! I'm sorry to hear of your abuse but am glad you have found us. I encourage you to visit often, be as open as you're comfortable. Here, you are not alone!! BTW I was also raped at 8 by a 14 yo stranger. My perps were both male and female! Isn't it so strange we suffer alone but have so much in common with so many others?

Howard :cool:
 
hello howard, thank you for the welcome...

yes, i confess, it is always overwhelming to me when i realize how common this grief is...there is a lot of pain in the world i would not wish on anybody...

i am sorry that any of us are here, but i believe in the providence of friendship...on and offline...

it is nice to meet you...
 
Rabbit:

Ditto what Dave said.

It is good for you to come here and from the start
express yourself & your feelings and set healthy boundaries for yourself.

i am just trying to find a comfort zone and i am frightened of being baited or bullied or put down for my faith...
Click to expand...
Rabbit I relate to & understand that concern. Not that it happens much here. But if you ever think anything like that is happening please let any moderator know. Feel free to contact me, I'm moderator of the Religion forum.

thank you for your reassurance and i am sorry to come in so defensive, just have seen so much ugliness on forum boards and in chat rooms and i am tired....
Click to expand...
just have been burned a few times for not setting boundaries....
Click to expand...
Rabbit, being sexually abused can make one defensive, and then to go to a "support" forum for
help and get more abuse sure doesn't help! :eek: Man, can I relate to that, having been fairly active on a fair amount of forums, very active in a few, over the last couple years.

someone else here said they had been on a survivor forum that was mostly for women...me too...what was lacking there was a sense of people really understanding from the male point of view...even though i get along better with women in "intimate" discussions overall, i am at a point in my life where i feel like i need to learn to talk frankly with other men...and to trust that it is okay...
Click to expand...
Rabbit that might have been me, as I've been on a few of those forums. And I could have written everything you said in that above quote. This is a great place to learn trust with other men, with your fellow male survivors who have the same trust & intimacy issues.

Not glad for what brot you here but glad you're here to deal with it...

Victor
 
victor,

thank you for your understanding...people seem okay with talking openly here...i confess i trigger easily still, but i am learning to cope with that, and especially learning to not be trapped in a "reactive" mode...to pull back from things that offend me...

...i am very sensitive, so much so that even your signature makes me queasy...but i feel i need to learn to handle these things or i will never be able to function in the world...

thank you for the space and the grace to grow....
 
Godsrabbit

thank you for your reassurance and i am sorry to come in so defensive, just have seen so much ugliness on forum boards and in chat rooms and i am tired....
Click to expand...
Your comments here make the efforts of the Moderators worthwhile, there are some terrible sites out there - I've experienced them myself.
Unfortunately they are set up by well meaning people but lose their way and become a free for all, and that's a tragic shame because more harm than good is done.

Sometimes it might seem as though we 'control' the forums too much, but we actually have to do very little and rarely remove or edit posts.
By having so many active Moderators everyone seems to think before they post just that little bit more, and then the Members make the site safe for themselves.
The thing we do jump on straight away is personal insults, which happens so rarely here I can't remember the last time we had to deal with it.

I think it's possibly the most important thing as well, there's nothing more sure to drive someone away than a 'flame war'

I hope you do find this a safe place, we certainly think it is.

Dave
 
Godsrabbit,

While immensely saddened that you need this site it's good that you found it.

There are a lot of differing views on God and religion here, and they are often expressed, but never in a hostile accusitory way.

A lot of fellows here seem to be religious in some way, shape or form. To say that I am not is an understatement, but I have never been attacked for it. I'm positive that your views will be just as respected here.

Much of what I have seen tends to fall into my own personal belief of differences of religious views, that being: "If your religion (or lack thereof) works for you great. I believe differently, but I respect your views and the right to have them."

Once again, welcome, but sorry you had to come.

Eric
 
bless you....thank you dave...

just from my experience today, i feel very positive about this...the format is a bit confusing (i am used to vbulletin), but i am very grateful for the generous welcome...
 
godsrabbit,

I am sorry also for the circumstances which brought you here.

I also would like to apologize for my introduction on the other thread, (See Contructive Anger ).

I am VERY happy that you feel welcome here however. Especially in 'cyberspace' it is a lot harder to police the predators and unkind people who would take advantage of us when we are most in need. The moderators and therapists here do an exceptional job and I think that this is probably the BEST formatted and caring site that I have seen on most any topic of discussion.

I hope that you find some peace and happiness here and that you feel as comfortable as possible contributing and finding answers to some of the questions that we all seek answers for.

Don't let me or anyone else intimidate you or cause you to trigger or get too defensive about anything. If you get bothered by something, call us out. It's how we can grow as people too! :)

Again, welcome!
 
ebc,

thank you...i am sorry, i did not see your post before...i appreciate your reassurance as well...it is a delicate thing to talk about faith and issues of abuse...i tread lightly because i do not wish to interfere with what others need in their healing...but i also know that i cannot safely participate in a conversation of that nature...so i will gingerly step around...it is more useful to me to just get used to the fact that there is a lot of anger and frustration in the world...

marc,

thank you as well...i am getting acclimated...perhaps i will try to make a prayerful decisions as to whether i should remain in a few days when i have been able to talk and sit in on discussions...i do not know i am ready....

bless you all...
 
godsrabbit,

One could ask no more. But, I hope that you choose to stay. The people here can help you with more than just the abuse that you've suffered. If nothing else, you can trust that we care and give advice only from the heart. :)
 
Godsrabbit,

I, too, hope that you will choose to stay. Our experiences are varied, but our pain is strangely similiar across all backgrounds.

This group helps its own by being able to hear the pain and recognize it as real and undeserved. Each of us contributes to the healing of others as we share how we work on our own healing.

I do hope that by reading what some of us have come here to say, you can break through the sense of isolation that traps so many of us. No matter what the specific details of the sexual abuse, your right to heal without hurting another is absolute. If you decide to share your healing here, you will help others, too.

Thanks,

Joe
 
godsrabbit,

You are very very welcome here. I think it is wonderful to have faith that helps you feel stronger, more connected to a higher power. What many survivors have experienced, unfortunately, is religious abuse--I am one of those--and thus many survivors, early on, vent about this abuse, and, sadly, they can get into very narrow minded thinking and say hurtful things, esp. when they make sweeping statements about "the church," "the Christians" etc., lumping groups of people together and insulting/dismissing them all. I know I have been guilty of this before and at the time I was so full of rage I didn't even think about how my words might affect sincere Christians.

There are people recovering from sexual abuse who come from all backgrounds and it would be terrible to dismiss any of them. If you feel that anyone is doing this, speak up! You have said you would avoid discussions about God because you do not trust yourself. I think it's good that you don't want to hurt/alienate anyone else by raging, but at the same time don't hesitate to speak up if you feel hurt by something someone else wrote. As someone else wrote above, it is not good for anyone to walk in fear, especially not on this site where what we all need is to connect with each other over this terrible pain we have suffered to help us heal.

And though I don't normally end messages this way, I think it's appropriate here: God bless you, brother.

Jeff
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top