Hello I'm registered

Hello I'm registered
I know I have felt this way before, life goes up and down, sometimes you go down more than up, other times you go up more. I hope you have enough people in your life to help you. Even if it is only One Good Person.
 
i spoke to my wife about support, how i dont see any from her but to get over it, these people that dont understand are many, in all my exictence but for now no one ever spoke of abuse, she does not comprehend the distruction it has caused, to change and say the world i inhabit is wrong does not compute,she can not imagine the pain and twist it causes just to think about crossing a line of new existence, i do not have the words in my vocabulary, to much less atempt that feat,,,my counsiler has asked me to rediffin my diffintion of love, its been four days i have no compreheantion of what to do,i speak with her today hope shes not disapointed in me,,,i am rather used to no support, the isolation has been me freind for a long time,i dont like the thought of loseing my defences....thanks
 
Thunderbolt,

We are here to support you. I wish that others in your life could also support you but you know we will always be here for you.

Brian
 
sometimes wife's do not always know the kind of support we need. They cannot read minds.
get support here when you can, keep comming back.

we come from a common ground
 
today i am in a box and see no way out, i have come to lable this one dispair, i think thats the right diffintion, it well be mine for now,i eat pain pills to make this go away, i would like to stop this but see no other way, it hurts to much right now to go through, its like some thing else takes over and controls me, holds me back shows me pictures, the ones i try to push out of my mind, its an endless battle that leaves me very exausted, i would like to die now and get it over, this is like every day, i wonder what will happen if i let go, or worse when i cant take any more, i just dont know,,,,thank guys....
 
You hang in there, man.did you try to tell your wife how much your suffering? let her in. don't worry about your couseler being disappointed in you.she's not there to judge you.tell her and your wife how much your hurting.describe the hurt, the pain that goes right to your core.describe it here.let people in.think about what's goo din your life.what makes you laugh?what gives you peace?there's soemthing that makes it worth living. you hang in there.you have many friends here.
 
I agree w big bear, hang in there.
If you can't open up to your wife, open up here, get your feelings out.
 
i feel so bad when i tell on my self , the price i pay later is costing to much, the head achs, body twitching, my get dubble up and hurt like hell, some times it feels like its happening all over again,i have been haveing this real bad feeling for a week now,it about got my scared that i may lose something very valuble like my mind or worse,she said my body is fighting my mind, it thinks my mind cant handle it,latly i breath like hyperventalating, we have done practice in slow deep breathing to help me stay in control, i am haveing big trouble i think, i dont know if im going to stay here or not....fuckingwaced....thanks
 
well i have gone back to self medication, found that do the trick for know,have the left behind feeling going, like abandoned but their just ignoring me, the pills do help slow me down, make it easier to think of other things then just the pictures, i had to say to the counsiler that i would only take a sirten amount or call her, i hate to bather other people with this shit, get depressed more just with the thought.....
 
Hello Thunderbolt,
This is the first time coming here and I can relate with u man this shit it hard core, the memories the racing thoughts, the anxiety,I get tired of dealing with it myself but when I feel overwelmed with the memories or thoughts. I tell myself I refuse to allow what my stepfather and others did to me to rule or destroy my life.
I am not the sum total of the abuse that happened to me. I am still a human being that is valuable and unique. (as are you)I try to be a good person, Im a good father and husband and I love my kids and provide a safe loving home for them to grow up in.
I will never allow anyone to abuse them in any way shape of form. I teach them that thay have the right to speak up if they feel somone is mistreating them, and they do. They are (Justin-7 and Adam-4) I let them know they can talk to me about anything that is bothering them That gives my a great deal of satisfaction, and helps heal my woundedness in a way.
Please hang in there you are not alone
In friendship

Thanks, Dan :)
 
thunderbolt, keep intouch w as many healthy people as u can. Including here. Hang in there. You can do it. It is a hard thing at times, but it does get easier.

The sun will shine at times. Feelings are always changing, Keep in touch.

Your friend Michael Joseph
 
THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM I CANT STAND TO MANY PEOPLE, im haveing problems in this suport group im in now for a little while it was ok they seem to be making demands now, i left a message with my counsiler that this AA thing is not working they are asking me to comply to the program it makes me feel like im going to get fucked again, im haveing a question, this thing about giveing my self over to what i dont know is horrifing its got me twisted right now,its like one think after an other is bullshit, wish i had the winning number right now....thanks
 
Maybe aa isnt for you thunderboldt.
Do things that help you. If it is not working dont go. Is alcohol a problem for you?
 
the urge for alcohol has left me since i turned to face my past,i do get the smells and feeling though as if ,the concept and riged live by these suggestions are the control mechinizims that through me back to the abuse every time,my counsiler said the same as you , and an aa member also, but the aa member asked me to stay if just for a guide to liveing maybe just listen for a while more, thank you for your concern that i maybe heading in the wrong direction.....
 
If aa continues to cause problems ornot feel right do something else.
 
Glad you are thinking, just remember to do what is right for you.
 
thunderbolt, hope you are ok
Conference in NY went well
I will try to get online more.
 
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