Hello, I'm new

Geo1

Registrant
This would be my first post so forgive me if it is not fluent. I see a lot of different stories each one unique and tragic. My abuser was a pediatrician when I was about 6 yrs old. I also was seduced by a pedophile when I was 16 -17yrs old. I've allowed men to grope me in public while I was intoxicated. I've tried to live a straight life while concealing another. I'm now 56 and recently married 3 yrs. I've never had a relationship with a woman that lasted more than a month, or until we had sex , then it was over. II have difficulty functioning sexually with a woman and didn't know how bad it was until I met my wife. All the while I've been seeking out and having random hook - ups with men for the past ten years or so even after getting married. I wanted it to stop but couldn't. Now I've totally jeopardized my marriage and my wife's health passing STD'S on to her. I don't know if my marriage is salvageable if I'm straight, gay or what ? Getting marriage counseling and individual counseling for myself. My wife is in a support group for victim's of this awful crime I committed on her. Is there anyone that may have had a similar situation and is there hope and help ?
Thank You
 

PRFL

Registrant
Hello, and welcome to MS! I'm so sorry you have gone through so much that you need to be here, but you'll find plenty of support here. I myself joined a few months ago and it has been very helpful.
Not sure how much you've read an the various threads, you'll find several devoted to the issues of orientation, and terms I haven't heard before like sexual disorientation, confusion, imprinting, templates, etc. I'm still leaning and tying to figure out how to apply this to my life. The important thing is that you want to heal and get better, and you deserve help and support, after a lifetime of trying to figure this out on your own. I myself struggled with a lot of sexual confusion due to my own experiences, and there are lots of men here in these boards that struggle a well. Your story need not to be exactly like anyone else's, but everybody here likely has at least a little piece of your story. Pain is pain, abuse is abuse, and everybody here has been in pain due to having being abused. It can be a challenging struggle, but it is worth it because a part of ourselves wants to get better, and we all are tying to listen to that part, because it deserves to be heard.
 
Hello Geo & Welcome - Nice talking with you in the chatroom earlier today. Hang in - it gets better. Sorry you had a reason to be here but glad you are here - This is a very SAFE place to share and be welcomed.
 

John67

Registrant
Geo, my story isn't much different from yours. I allowed a much older man to touch me when I was 16, was assaulted when I was around 21. Spent a long time seeking abusive men for hook ups, despite being married. Stopped that behavior a few years ago when I started getting therapy.
 

Geo1

Registrant
Hello Geo & Welcome - Nice talking with you in the chatroom earlier today. Hang in - it gets better. Sorry you had a reason to be here but glad you are here - This is a very SAFE place to share and be welcomed.
Hello Geo & Welcome - Nice talking with you in the chatroom earlier today. Hang in - it gets better. Sorry you had a reason to be here but glad you are here - This is a very SAFE place to share and be welcomed.
Thanks NC is NC O.K?
 

Geo1

Registrant
Geo, my story isn't much different from yours. I allowed a much older man to touch me when I was 16, was assaulted when I was around 21. Spent a long time seeking abusive men for hook ups, despite being married. Stopped that behavior a few years ago when I started getting therapy.
Wow, It's been a year for me now, but I still think about it and not sure that I wouldn't do it again. Only to save my marriage but I don't know if that's even possible. Infidelity is infidelity and passing STD's is a crime in my state along with marrying someone under fraud I guess.
 
Hi Geo & welcome.

You are not alone in suffering from the after-effects of acting out with others, there are plenty of us here, me included who wrestled(ing) with it. You're in a good place here at MS to help figure it all out.
 
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