Hello, I'm back with some amazing news

[dark empathy]

First of all, hi to everyone I hope everyone is doing okay and healing.

I'm aware I've been away for a long while, but actually this was for a random reason not anything to do with recovery.
Basically for some reason i couldn't log in to the site or my account either on my computer or my lady's, at any network.
I believe I've found the problem, but it's been a pain and as I've been worryingly busy for the last few months I havent had opportunity to find it.

Well you might wonder busy doing what, the answer is, ---- getting married!
Well more accurately flying out to pensylvania in June, spending three weeks preparing, getting married on the third of july and then frantically applying for the spousal visa for my lady to stay in the Uk (the process is nuts and needed to be done from the states one reason we went over there).

As for me, well it's been close to three months now since we actually got married and I'm still frankly stunned!
the wedding was quite profound, though basically we had to rite our own service. We both sang one hand one heart from westside story, and my lady sang candle on the water which has lines which are frighteningly indicative of the way we are, we also used the theme from cocoon as the bride's entrance, the piece I first heard at fifteen and wanted to listen to when I first made love, (which indeed I did do last year), and the theme from Jurassic park as the recessional.

It literally was the most amazing day of my life and something unthinkable given where I've been, indeed I think a lot of the guests were quite affected, in some ways it was rather a fairy tale wedding complete with coach and horses, flowers and if not actually a honymoon three nights at of all places hotel hurshy, complete with rose pettles on the bed.

More than that though, it's absolutely amazing to think that I'm actually now married to someone who, for some reason that still utterly illudes me, actually loves me! someone who I love more than anything else in the world despite everything. She's my best friend, the person who showed me physical love could be something beautiful, she sees so much more good in me than I ever have, it still makes me cry to just consider that despite the fact we've been together for close to a year now.

She's quite aware of my past, and indeed has to cope with some of it, indeed I'd like to have some advice on not falling into older negative thought patterns or panicking about small things, but above all she loves me, and that is amazing!

So hello to everyone here, and hopefully this shows that yes, miracles do actually happen.


Luke.

 

[HealingHope]

Hello Luke
So many congratulations!
You were so kind to me on so many occasions when I was losing hope here. It's so lovely to know that, miracles do happen. May you both be very very happy!

 

[WontGiveUp]

LUKE!!!!! OH MY GOODNESSS!!!!! THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I HAVE HEARD ALL DAY!!!!!

I am so very happy for you! How absolutely incredible for you! I have been following your story, and you deserve just the best in the world. And it sounds like you found one amazing lady to share your life with.

I can imagine she loves you for a million different reasons, if the kindness and empathy you have given to us as supporters is an indication of your awesomeness!

Man... congratulations on your fairy tale come true! I hope you have joy and happiness every day together, and can grow old together in peace and love.

Thankyou so much for sharing this with us. Truly - this is what so many of us dream of for ourselves - to have this beautiful recovery that you have worked so hard on. Thankyou for sharing and letting us know that as you said - miracles do happen.

 

[WG]

Luke - You had that marvelous, wonderful, fairy tale type of day and you deserved every moment ! Wish we all could have been there and watched and applauded and danced and ate and laughed and had the most wonderful celebration for you. Just you and your lovely bride! It would have been a gift to us too - since so few of us have had anything near what you did, I'm so very glad for you !

 

[dark empathy]

@Healing hope, thanks, I'm glad some of what I said helped, and indeed that's one reason I've not been particularly pleased about the technical issues which got in the way, and were weerdly prevasive.

@Won't give up, I'm still not sure about "deserve" One debate I still have with my lady is that I will occasionally just tell her "thank you for loving me"
While she doesn't get irritated she's told me she wishes I wouldn't thank her on the basis that "she" hasn't don't anything she didn't want to do. I can appreciate what she's saying interlectually, but not emotionally, indeed i want to always remember just what L has done for me.

@Wg thanks for that, again I was quite sorry the day before the wedding not to be able to get on ms to tell everyone.
One ironic thing though is that despite the wedding working out beautifully, with the coach and music and the poem I wrote, and a reading of the first chapter of korynthians (the love is patient bit), it wasn't all smooth.

The pasta (my lady's parent's pasta), who gave the wedding insisted on two councilling sessions before hand. One of them involved the two of us with L's sister and her husband and was more like a relaxed family dinner than actual councilling. The other unfortunately the pasta gave himself and it was so off and boarderline triggering that it was virtually an ordeal for both of us, eg, he told us "If there are problems in a marriage it's usually the man's fault because women know when they're on a good thing", and "A marriage needs to have strict guidelines like train tracks to walk in where each performs their duty to stop people going outside", (he even said he'd considered striking his own wife and the only reason he hadn't was because of the "laws of god"),

and "Man is the hunter and the protector, so women mustn't mind if a man goes off with the guys, though it can become too much" so I mustn't spend too much of my time bowling or drinking or watching sport, (when i explained I was an intravert and didn't do any of those things he was a bit shocked).

He even originally wanted a marriage service which was heavily biased, talking about "woman being the queen of the home" and "made to be man's helpmate", heck, he didn't like the fact we insisted on him saying "I pronounce thee husband and wife" rather than "man and wife"

That is why we finished up literally writing our own service, or rather getting a service off the internet and then modifying it to meet our needs.

I will however give the pasta considerable credit for the fact that while it definitely wasn't the service he would've wanted, he went along with it, and indeed said he appreciated it afterwards, and for all the shenanigans in setup it was a truly amazing experience and definitely something that absolutely changed my life.

We're actually going to have a second wedding (or a renewing of the vows), later on, probably next year, being as nobody from the Uk could come to this one, none of my friends and family, and as my lady lived in Germany for seventeen years she has a lot of German friends who couldn't come either.
So why not.

 

[HealingHope]

It's sounds like you really stuck to your guns to ensure the connection you celebrated was absolutely about you and your lady's truth ... a harmonious partnership, not what was stereotypical.
I'm so happy too that you managed to navigate the technical hitches to reconnect with us. And yes, your words really have helped me. Take care, with blessings HH

 

[dark empathy]

Actually that is just what my lady said when the pasta detailed his version of the service, all about woman being made from adam's rib as man's helpmate, with the man pledging to share all his worldly goods with his wife and the woman pledging him her love (we equalized that one), "this is just not us!"

I confess I did find it a bit urcsome, since the sort of christianity I grew up with in the Uk and the weddings of friends I've been to really have been a long way from being that level of antidelouvian.

Credit to the pasta though, even though what w wanted was not what he usually did or expected he went along with it and indeed agreed it was beautiful in the end, though he did call us one of the most difficult couples he'd ever worked with .

One bit I especially liked in the service we had is we did note that "before they found love they were friends!" since we definitely were, and very much still are.

 

[HealingHope]

One bit I especially liked in the service we had is we did note that "before they found love they were friends!" since we definitely were, and very much still are.

This is so beautiful to read!

 

[WG]

Since I'm older and I see that you, Ceremony, are in Great Britain, I'd like to say that we on this side of the pond get a few things that are British once in a while. Usually, here in Seattle, since we're in close proximity to British Columbia, Canada, we can get to Victoria, BC. There, some of the transit are red double-decker busses. There are tea rooms complete with high tea, scones, tea cakes, silver tea service ,etc. I do remember, even growing up in southern California, we had some British influence - especially in the early to mid-60's when I was a teenager - told you I was old. We would watch The Avengers, Secret Agent Man with Patrick McGoohan, there was a rock and roll show called Ready,Steady,Go. We listened to , of course, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, the Merseybeats, the Guess Who - OK, they were Canadian - the Who, wore shirts from Carnaby Street, wanted to mimic the way Ringo spoke, and thought London must be the center of the hip world of Europe. It was a fun escape from the pain I was carrying......

 

[dark empathy]

@Healing Hope, thanks again, glad this gave you something, since apart from everything else my wife and I are! friends, when i say "she's my best friend" I mean it quite literally, heck we can just sit and chat about anything and everything, particularly about books for hours.

@Wg, funny to think of Liverpool as the hippest place in Europe but I do see the point, although even over here now the red double decker busses are something of a vintage (you rarely see them in London), and afternoon tea with sandwiches, scones eis something of a special occasion thing, usually something cafes or restaurants will advertise, though earlier this year my mum did decide to try and make one for various of her friends which was rather fun.

Oh, and despite me being a mostly classically trained tenor, with fairly eclectic tastes, I do rather like the beatles. then again my music collection goes from King Crimson and pink floyde, through bits of epic metal, a lot of film and computer game soundtracks to Bach and beathoven, something which again is also true of my lady although she has more tolerance for pop music than I do.

 

[PhoenixRising]

Beautiful!!

 

[dark empathy]

Thanks Phenix rising, it definitely was, at least for me.