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Welcome, iaccus -

Your post really resonates with me, since I never confronted my problems until my father died. The protracted grieving was ultimately the result of a lifetime of regrets, hiding myself from him in shame. As far as I am aware, he went to his grave never knowing I was a victim of a serial molester who lived next door to us.

It's a journey. Therapists can perhaps tell you how to walk it, where to go - but they can't take the place of friends who will walk with you - who are also on that path. So we all share the walk together. That seems to make it a bit easier.
 
Iaccus

Welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to. I'm relatively new here myself, and I can say that I have found wonderful support from people going through very similar things to what I am. It is a huge help knowing I'm not weird because I have these reactions and feelings. And I've also received advice at times that has been great. Steered me to a different T than I'd have otherwise, for instance, and that's been huge for me.

I wish you well on our journey and would like to offer any support you need.

Sonata
 
Welcome Iaccus, even as I am sorry for the reason you are here. One thing I would note: You did not "confess" what happened to you. You revealed it. "Confessed" implies some amount of guilt of which you have absolutely none. What happened was the result of a choice another person made. You did nothing to ask for it, deserve it, or want it. Someone here on MS has a phrase as part of their signature which says a lot: "Children cannot consent, they can only comply." I hope you know that is true with you too.

Wishing you peace, healing and happiness. Mike
 
welcome to ms.org!


keep reading. keep posting.
keep researching and searching.
keep caring, baring, and sharing your feelings and findings with your brother survivors.

together, we can help each other.

you have already broken the silence.
now is time to heal.

a warrior must learn the art of healing.

recovery and self discovery is your future.
you are not your history. you are not defined by your obstacles, but by how you overcome them.

i recommend the poetry section here.
 
Iaccus, you are among friends and brothers here. I too have recently joined MS and have found the burden of my abuse is eased when I put fingers to keyboard and share my story, my thoughts, my fears with others. To find others who have lived what we have lived through--its value can't be underestimated. The men here are generous in their support and the sharing.

The death of my father 7 years ago was the catalyst for a whole bunch of work on myself and my past. It has been the most difficult thing I've dealt with so far in life, and also the most rewarding.

Victor's words are some inspiring. I wish that they give you the strength to move forward. I wish the same for myself.

dew
 
Iaccus

I denied, bottled and tried to ignore the "education" I received from my scoutmaster in Boy Scouts from age 11 to 15. Then at 55 the dam broke: I started acting out in ways that were the antithesis of me and my values; I destroyed my marriage of 30+ years, damaged relations with adult children, and felt my career and life crumble beneath me. I was forced to face the past, acknowledge and accept HE was the perp, I did not have the capacity to consent and I AM the victim. I could start the arduous task of trying to heal and rebuild.

Welcome to Male Survivor. I have only been here a short time but I have found support, care, advice from those who have walked where I have been. I found men whose stories are mine and now yours and not just a few men but many. We are NOT alone.

We ARE the victims and there is understanding, strength and support here. I heal a bit more every time I am able to survive the flashback and share. I grow in strength to continue with every story I find similar to mine. TOGETHER we can survive! For the first time in a year and a half I feel hope for my marriage, my family and most importantly for me.

Thank YOU for being here and sharing too.

manipulated
 
Iaccus,
Your story is our story. My abuse and the resulting issues, drove me from many of the things I truly loved, including flying. I was able to finish a rewarding military career, but without the satisfaction of my great passion aviation. I'm deeply sorry that things have fallen apart for you. Please know that you have a "band of brothers" here who will listen, advise and commiserate with you as long and whenever you need us. Keep posting!

Freeman
 
Iaccus - your post resonates in my heart; thank you for sharing. Following 42 years of silence, I finally disclosed when the trauma of my wife leaving me opened a dam of pain. I feel sad when I think that I did not tell my dad prior to his death that I was sexually abused by a priest - or that I made a feeble attempt to tell which was ignored. I recently visited my dad's grave site with my mother and I disclosed to a stone wall. I believe my dad was listening and I suspect he is proud of me as I am of him - healing; in its own way and on its own time. Walk tall -
 
Iaccus

I denied, bottled and tried to ignore the "education" I received from my scoutmaster in Boy Scouts from age 11 to 15. Then at 55 the dam broke: I started acting out in ways that were the antithesis of me and my values; I destroyed my marriage of 30+ years, damaged relations with adult children, and felt my career and life crumble beneath me. I was forced to face the past, acknowledge and accept HE was the perp, I did not have the capacity to consent and I AM the victim. I could start the arduous task of trying to heal and rebuild.

Welcome to Male Survivor. I have only been here a short time but I have found support, care, advice from those who have walked where I have been. I found men whose stories are mine and now yours and not just a few men but many. We are NOT alone.

We ARE the victims and there is understanding, strength and support here. I heal a bit more every time I am able to survive the flashback and share. I grow in strength to continue with every story I find similar to mine. TOGETHER we can survive! For the first time in a year and a half I feel hope for my marriage, my family and most importantly for me.

Thank YOU for being here and sharing too.

manipulated


Brother, I hear you and feel for you. We chatted a few days about military service and parallels. I often find, and am experiencing myself right now, that life events can be huge triggers...but you are not alone, you are not responsible for what was done to you nor to for the effect it has on your life...and I know from experience, we can heal, even if sometimes we fall back down, we learn that skills here to get back up quicker as time goes on. Peace be with you brother warrior.
 
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