Hello, I am new & I am not a male

[CFVB]

I am actually a female who was raped as a teenager. My sexual abuse was an isolated incident, not prolonged (extended over weeks, months, or years...it was, as I said, an isolated incident) and not by a close family friend or even a family member. There are only 4 people who I have ever told about this incident, one of whom is my husband. My parents don't know, even though, as an adult, I know that I should tell them as they would be heartbroken over the whole "incident" and are the kind of parents who would have even cried with me at the time...but now, I just don't want to hurt them with this incident that is in the past.
At any rate, the reason that I am posting here is that I have a male friend who I think might have been abused in some way when he was younger. Maybe I am wrong, but I think somehow there is an 'aura' that only those of us who have been hurt in the past can see, and I see it in my friend.
I don't want to unload my own burden on him, particularly if I am wrong about his being victimized, but I would like to be able to empathise with him and perhaps be of some comfort to him, but I don't want to step out of line.
As a female survivor of sexual abuse, should I go out on a limb for my friend or wait for him to approach me, which might never happen?

 

[Brian]

CFVB,

I agree with you in that I believe I have a pretty good idea of people that I know and/or work with who have been abused. I have opened up to a few of them about "my own" experiences but have not even hinted about my suspicions of their abuse. I just try to be the best friend that I can without pressuring them to reveal anything about their own experiences. They know they can come to me when, or if, they are ever ready to talk about it. If someone came to me a few years ago and asked me about it, I probably would have ended whatever kind of relationship we had. I know that there are many similarities between males and females when it comes to sexual assault, but I believe there are also many differences (either real or perceived).

If I were you, I would stay off that limb; it could snap at any time!

Recovery is Possible!

Brian

 

[indygal]

cfvb,

welcome to f&f altho sorry you have to be here, and i'm sorry to hear about your own experience.

as for the reason you are here, i think the survivors can offer you better advice than i but i did want to welcome you and let you know you are a good friend to be so considerate about your friend and his feelings. whatever his situation, he's lucky to have you in his life.

all the best,
indy