Hello (after long last)!

Narya70

Registrant
This introduction has been a long time in coming. I’ve been visiting this site for several years, reading stories and finding my own story normalized in so much of what I’ve read. Thanks to everyone who has shared with such vulnerability. You really have given hope to so many of us who have lurked on the fringes. Finally, I read a post by MO-Survivor about the roots of adult sexual acting out. He shared about his journey of engaging the inner child. This was the final trigger (in a good way) for me to join this site.

I am 51, married with 3 chidden and was sexually abused at age 5 by a male babysitter. There are other memories that are mixed in there that don’t make much sense, but I suspect that the abuse was not a one time thing and that there were other men involved. So much of this Journey of healing has involved receiving bits of puzzle pieces that I am currently putting into place. MS has helped so much with this already.

I am a Christian and my faith has always played a core part in who I am and how I face the struggle. I have experienced SSA since puberty and have been pulled to porn (both straight and gay). This has caused a lot of shame and self-contempt over the years.

I am ready to move out of shame and to leave self-contempt behind. I am actively engaging the 5 year old boy who was sexualized too early and abused. I have a desire to also engage the confused teenager, though I’m not yet ready for that. I also am not yet ready to post my full story. That will come in time. For right now, I’m just happy to be here and I have the courage to say “hello.”
 
Welcome! I'm so glad you decided to join the conversation.
Sharing one's own story is remarkably healing, and bringing a broader perspective to the site will help others in their healing journey.
 

une.vie.d.espoir

Registrant
Hi Narya,

I will put pressure on Savage_sid, he is a very carring person and a good person carring for others always there for us. I am sory your whit us, my ordeal started I was 7 years old and it was also my babbysitter (male 26 years old) that took away my DIGNITY. We're all here for you.

What's great is that now you're not alone.

Ps: Thank you Savage for your kind words to Narya,

Take care both of you,

Jp
 

MO-Survivor

Staff member
This introduction has been a long time in coming. I’ve been visiting this site for several years, reading stories and finding my own story normalized in so much of what I’ve read. Thanks to everyone who has shared with such vulnerability. You really have given hope to so many of us who have lurked on the fringes. Finally, I read a post by MO-Survivor about the roots of adult sexual acting out. He shared about his journey of engaging the inner child. This was the final trigger (in a good way) for me to join this site.

I am 51, married with 3 chidden and was sexually abused at age 5 by a male babysitter. There are other memories that are mixed in there that don’t make much sense, but I suspect that the abuse was not a one time thing and that there were other men involved. So much of this Journey of healing has involved receiving bits of puzzle pieces that I am currently putting into place. MS has helped so much with this already.

I am a Christian and my faith has always played a core part in who I am and how I face the struggle. I have experienced SSA since puberty and have been pulled to porn (both straight and gay). This has caused a lot of shame and self-contempt over the years.

I am ready to move out of shame and to leave self-contempt behind. I am actively engaging the 5 year old boy who was sexualized too early and abused. I have a desire to also engage the confused teenager, though I’m not yet ready for that. I also am not yet ready to post my full story. That will come in time. For right now, I’m just happy to be here and I have the courage to say “hello.”
:) Glad you are here @Narya70!
 
That sounds like real progress Narja, well done. It does not matter how long it take to take a step forward or how big or small the step feels to those that don’t understand. But to me your post shows an outstanding act of self acceptance, and personal understanding. Well done.
 
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Welcome to MS & congrats for finding the strength to introduce yourself! As you have no doubt learned from reading posts & now that you've introduced yourself, this is a safe place full of men who understand & support one another. I'm sorry for what happened to you as a child, but glad you're here. Take care!
 

Blueshawk

Registrant
Hey man, welcome, so glad you're here! Narya sounds like something from Tolkien and LOTR. It's crazy how much shame keeps you under till you come to a place like this, tell your story and find there wasn't much shame can do to you any longer and you can climb out from under it.
I am a Christian and my faith has always played a core part in who I am and how I face the struggle. I have experienced SSA since puberty and have been pulled to porn (both straight and gay). This has caused a lot of shame and self-contempt over the years.
Following Jesus has been as much a part of my journey as dealing with ssa, and I've screwed up both along the way. Our stories are different, my abuse happened as a teenager and it was buried till recent, but faith was the only thing that helped make sense of things over the years. I'm guessing we've faced similar challenges of walking faithful, but now looking back, dealing with things created a deep hunger for what's real about faith. And for all that, and for how far I've come, being here has helped a lot. There's a spirituality forum but you'll find talking with other guys and reading stories does something really good. Looking forward to you sharing more of your story here.
 

Narya70

Registrant
Hi Narya,

I will put pressure on Savage_sid, he is a very carring person and a good person carring for others always there for us. I am sory your whit us, my ordeal started I was 7 years old and it was also my babbysitter (male 26 years old) that took away my DIGNITY. We're all here for you.

What's great is that now you're not alone.

Ps: Thank you Savage for your kind words to Narya,

Take care both of you,

Jp
Hey man, welcome, so glad you're here! Narya sounds like something from Tolkien and LOTR.
Hey Blueshawk, you hit the nail right on the head my friend! Narya is the Ring of Fire that Gandalf wore secretly throughout the Lord of the Rings. It provided warmth, courage and hope to all with whom he sojourned. It describes the part of God‘s glory in me that was attacked in my abuse and buried in confusion and shame. It’s the part that I believe God wants to restore. So yeah, kind of a Tolkien nerd! So appreciate your kind welcome. So good to be among brothers.

Et « une vie d’espoir », merci bien mon frère. Vous pouvez m’écrire en français, si vous voulez. Même que je suis anglophone, j’ai vécu en France pendant 10 ans. Ça me fait du bien de communiquer dans cette belle langue !
 

Narya70

Registrant
Welcome to MS & congrats for finding the strength to introduce yourself! As you have no doubt learned from reading posts & now that you've introduced yourself, this is a safe place full of men who understand & support one another. I'm sorry for what happened to you as a child, but glad you're here. Take care!
Thank you so much for your kind welcome. I am so grateful for a safe space full of people who truly get it.
 

Narya70

Registrant
That sounds like real progress Narja, well done. It does not matter how long it take to take a step forward or how big or small the step feels to those that don’t understand. But to me your post shows an outstanding act of self acceptance, and person understanding. Well done.
Thank you JethroTull. Progress has been hard fought and hard won over this last decade. Joining this site and letting myself be known feels like a leap forward. I really appreciate and receive your “well done.” Cheers mate!
 

Narya70

Registrant
Welcome! I'm so glad you decided to join the conversation.
Sharing one's own story is remarkably healing, and bringing a broader perspective to the site will help others in their healing journey.
Thanks so much. Thanks too for the encouragement to share my story. I’m working on that and will post it soon. Thank you for bringing up the point that it’s not just for me but for others who can benefit from what I experienced. That was so true for me in the last several years as I read the amazing and heartbreaking stories on this site. Healing takes a community. I fully believe that.
 
Thank you JethroTull. Progress has been hard fought and hard won over this last decade. Joining this site and letting myself be known feels like a leap forward. I really appreciate and receive your “well done.” Cheers mate!
No probs us brits need to be there for each other’s.
 

betrayed boy

Staff member
hi Narya welcome to m/s if you find half the help that i found here you will be doing great, theres no rush to post your story take your time and post when your ready to post it, on another note im into Tolkien also the swords you see in my pic on the left is the witch king's sword next to that is the sword of truth from another book series then in the middle theres aragons reforged sword then richard the lion heart's sword and last theres glamdering the foe hammer gandalf's sword
 

ODAT

Registrant
Welcome Narya,
You’ve come to the right place. Take your time in telling your story. Know you are not alone. I was abused at 8, repressed most of it, and was acting out with older married men in my 20-40’s but never quite understood why until I recently uncovered more of my story these last two years. I am now married 18 years but sometimes struggle with the pull from my abuse. It would be so easy to act out again but not in my best interests. So we understand.
Take care of yourself…
 
Just catching up on post and wanted to say hi. I am gay and it was a huge struggle for me growing up. I know it was different since i did not have sexual attraction to the opposite no matter how much i wished or straight porn i looked it. I hope you have or are working through the contempt you have placed on yourself. It’s not easy to do.

i consider myself religious, gre up going to church every Sunday and contend into my 20’s but tapered. I wont lie in that I have issues with how it can be used to hurt others for say being gay. So it causes me mixed feelings.

Glad you have decided to share things about yourself and I hope you are able to start finding each in regards to this part of you life and know that you are not alone.
 
This introduction has been a long time in coming. I’ve been visiting this site for several years, reading stories and finding my own story normalized in so much of what I’ve read. Thanks to everyone who has shared with such vulnerability. You really have given hope to so many of us who have lurked on the fringes. Finally, I read a post by MO-Survivor about the roots of adult sexual acting out. He shared about his journey of engaging the inner child. This was the final trigger (in a good way) for me to join this site.

I am 51, married with 3 chidden and was sexually abused at age 5 by a male babysitter. There are other memories that are mixed in there that don’t make much sense, but I suspect that the abuse was not a one time thing and that there were other men involved. So much of this Journey of healing has involved receiving bits of puzzle pieces that I am currently putting into place. MS has helped so much with this already.

I am a Christian and my faith has always played a core part in who I am and how I face the struggle. I have experienced SSA since puberty and have been pulled to porn (both straight and gay). This has caused a lot of shame and self-contempt over the years.

I am ready to move out of shame and to leave self-contempt behind. I am actively engaging the 5 year old boy who was sexualized too early and abused. I have a desire to also engage the confused teenager, though I’m not yet ready for that. I also am not yet ready to post my full story. That will come in time. For right now, I’m just happy to be here and I have the courage to say “hello.”
You sound so familiar to me our stories are very similar i was 10 though when it all started and the pandoras box was awakened in me have never been able to close it . thankyou for sharing ...............
 
This introduction has been a long time in coming. I’ve been visiting this site for several years, reading stories and finding my own story normalized in so much of what I’ve read. Thanks to everyone who has shared with such vulnerability. You really have given hope to so many of us who have lurked on the fringes. Finally, I read a post by MO-Survivor about the roots of adult sexual acting out. He shared about his journey of engaging the inner child. This was the final trigger (in a good way) for me to join this site.

I am 51, married with 3 chidden and was sexually abused at age 5 by a male babysitter. There are other memories that are mixed in there that don’t make much sense, but I suspect that the abuse was not a one time thing and that there were other men involved. So much of this Journey of healing has involved receiving bits of puzzle pieces that I am currently putting into place. MS has helped so much with this already.

I am a Christian and my faith has always played a core part in who I am and how I face the struggle. I have experienced SSA since puberty and have been pulled to porn (both straight and gay). This has caused a lot of shame and self-contempt over the years.

I am ready to move out of shame and to leave self-contempt behind. I am actively engaging the 5 year old boy who was sexualized too early and abused. I have a desire to also engage the confused teenager, though I’m not yet ready for that. I also am not yet ready to post my full story. That will come in time. For right now, I’m just happy to be here and I have the courage to say “hello.”
Narya70, you might want to check out Husband Material Podcast. It has been very helpful to me. They have a free forum. They are Christian based.
 

ODAT

Registrant
Drew Boa runs Husband Material Academy and has some wonderful videos on YouTube as well. Search under Drew Boa.
While MS has helped me, Husband Material has taken my recovery to the next level. It’s been GREAT!
 

Narya70

Registrant
Thanks Jeffroks and ODAT. I joined Husband Material last month and would agree that it is a fantastic resource and community. Both MS and HM serve as key parts of my current healing journey. Cheers!
 
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