healthy sexuality

[yolester]

this is a very uncomfortable posting. i will try to be succinct. one of my huge recovery issues is my total failure to establish any sense of being comfortable and confident about my own body and sexuality. as part of my psychiatric problems as a result of my sexual attack, i have many disturbing and often sexually violent thoughts and feelings. i will save the details for my mental health people, but for this forum let me say that these thoughts make me feel like a filthy dirty disgusting pig with intense self-loathng. sometimes i feel like i want to enjoy the pleasure of a womans company in a loving and healthy way, but these crazy thoughts and my rock bottom low self-esteem make it impossible. becuase of what was done to me i feel so de-masculated and like some kind of sexual freak show that belongs in a circus. not an attractive and self-confident man who deserves and could have a fulfilling relationship with a female partner. does anyone out there ever feel this way???? i have all my life and i would like for it to stop!!!

 

[Hauser]

I know ALL ABOUT self-loathing and disturbing thoughts, please believe me on this.

I'm not in a relationship now, it's been about 10 years since I've had one, (the last one lasted about a month). I just go with it and engage in it anyway. Do you see what I'm saying? I'm not ever counting on being totally free of perverse thoughts etc, I just accept them and try to live my life.

I've come to believe that my earlier goals in my recovery to eradicate or reverse this problem have been too esoteric, because I don't think I'll ever find what I'm looking for as far as getting rid of all the shit that's in my head.

 

[Morning Star]

Just today we had a post where a fellow survivor Mill, where he talked about his triumphant return to his sex life, so we can all take inspiration from that , and know that no matter how screwed up our past might have been, when we find true love it takes care of things by itself. We just have to allow it to happen in our life.

We have to allow love to find us.